No-name Biographies – Writing Contest #6

Write a biography of a character from the Chronicles of Narnia without using any proper names or races. Words like “Peter,” Narnia,” “Stone Table,” “boy,” “human,” and “mouse” are all out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put in some darn funny synonyms. Bonus points for making us laugh!

Example: This youth from our world traveled through a really freaky picture frame to land in…well…somewhere else.  With his two cousins…who shall remain nameless, he journeyed to the ends of the world, being transformed along the way into an ROUS (reptile of unusual size) and meeting a really large and spiffy creature of the feline persuasion who resolved the problem.

Honorable Mentions

The Vain Rodent by Aranel
This rather smallish rodent thinks he’s bigger than most people! Apparently, he never looked in the mirror. One time, while in a battle in this one place, with this one guy, over this one argument, which I can’t name, he got his long and beautiful tail cut off by a large worthless slab of sharpened metal (LWSoSM) A.K.A. ‘sword’. But then, since he was so upset about losing his ‘defining quality of an order rodentia’, a great big, furry, fluffy, fleecy, flocculent, panthera leo restored it. What a vain animal that rodent was! But then, he journeyed to the end of the world with a king whose name I have failed to remember in a navigating vessel, met a nasty youth who swung him by his tail, and fell overboard. He said that the H2O tasted like bonbon, so they were near their destination. And after this, he sailed off the edge of the world in a teensy-weensy, little, tiny, diminutive, petite, itty-bitty, itsy-bitsy, boat. They say he then reached the ‘nation of the famous-and- otherwordly-panthera- leo-whose-name-I- will-not- mention’.

Lost My Coat by RomiElf
This ‘Daughter of Eve’ from our world of rainy, cold earth mysteriously crossed into a magical country…somewhere out there…and met a HRMB (Highly Rare Mystic Being) with an umbrella and a tail. She and her three siblings, who shall remain unnamed, later met a huge and hairy COGA (Creature of Great Authority) and became the long-enthroned rulers of that country. After a while, the youthful monarch and her siblings nearly broke their necks exiting a FLWC (Fairly Large Wooden Closet)…and she suddenly remembered she had lost her coat.

shasta by red marauder
this carbon-based male adolescent life-form from a place not like ours, and from a general region unlike the others in that place was raised by a nasty foster parent who made his living selling scaly, streamlined aquatic limbless creatures. But he runs away after meeting a mostly gray quadroped with one solid toe-nail like structure serving as a foot on each leg who could communicate with the adolescent through a similiar mode of communication. They try to get to a cooler region towards the north where it is assumed both came from originally. Along the way they are joined by another adolescent this time of the female persusasion sharing a similiar relationship with another quadroped of similiar structure and anatomy. They end up finding out that the northern region’s political system is being threratened by the southern region’s political system, and they manage to stop an attempted invasion, only to find that the male adolescent is one of the northern political rulers hier.

and the winner

my what a day! by Meg
This guy has been through quite a lot of things lately. He’s been stuck to a black box on wheels, had black things stuck to his eyes so he couldn’t see anything except for what was right in front of him. He was sent into a different world not long afterwards, and had some very big changes made. Things that cosmetic surgeons wouldn’t even dream of sticking on him. And then, to top things off, he had his name changed! As if all the other stuff wasn’t enough! Anyways, now that he’s in another world he got the job of carrying two other creatures to a beautiful big garden- and boy were those creatures odd. They insisted on eating these strange fruits that they grew from a candy they planted in the ground the day before. Can you imagine the stress you would be under if all of this happened to you?

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last contest, Narnian Businesses.