Breaking with Tradition – Writing Contest #17

You are the child of a Narnian villain who has decided the evil route isn’t for you. Write a short letter to your mum or dad explaining why you’ve chosen to leave the family legacy, and what you’ll be doing instead. Humor counts!


Dear Mother,
I don’t expect you to understand my decision, but I’ve decided this frigid leadership role isn’t for me.  I already had begun to develop doubts when you let me try your wand and I produced daisies instead of snow cones, but when that Edmund kid came along and you started talking about making him king instead, well, it sort of unnerved me.  Plus, there’s the whole immortality thing.  As long as you’re alive, I won’t rule anyway, and it seemed like a shame to be always waiting.  So…I’ve decided to join the Society for the Promotion of Dwarven Welfare.  I mean, really, have you noticed how filthy these fellows that serve your <i>food</i> are?  They don’t ask much, just one day off a week and lots of hot water and soap.  Anyway, I’ll see you at the union negotiations.

Honorable Mentions

No More Man Pies For Me by Anastasia
To My Mother, the Queen of Harfang:

You will probably come to me with Father, and demand that I take what I’m about to say back, but I am writing this letter to tell you that I am going to be spending the Autumn Festival with my friends this year. My main reason is because I have chosen to become a vegetarian, and I know you will be angry with me. I’m sorry, but I just don’t find man pies appetizing anymore. Last year when Cook made them, they were kind of mushy, and had no taste. Also, I was in the castle when those two children and that frog thing came in, and I have to say, they didn’t look a bit attractive. I think I lost my appetite when I saw them, so my friend Fraggle’s mother is going to prepare us a delicious vegetarian meal this weekend. Don’t try coming after me, for I’ll be at her house by the time you get this letter. I’ll see you soon, and I hope your Festival goes well.

Your Daughter, the Princess

Left to save the world. by Mushroom
Dear Mum,
I sincerely hope you won’t be angry when you read this. I have decided to break family tradition and not become an evil ruler. Now the reason for my descion is as follows; I was walking through the forest one day, near Lamp Post Waste, and I noticed how perfectly lovely the trees are. Then I noticed how rapidly these trees are being cut down. So I decided to join ‘Save Narnia’. It’s an environmental group specifically devoted to saving our wonderful world. As I am getting more involved in this group, I begin to see how detrimental evil dictatorship can be to the environment. Now, as you can see, I simply cannot continue my training as an evil ruler, for it harms my beautiful Narnia. Having said thus, I have decided to devote my life to serving our dear environment. It is my dearest wish that you also would become environmentally concious. Dear Mum, please do not be angry, and do consider my plea for you to join me in saving our beloved environment.
All my love,
Francis White

Progressive thinking please by Nick
Dear Lady of the Green Kirtle (Mum),

Im sorry but Im just sick of living here. Your tastes and my tastes are entirely different. In furniture for instance. I wanted to pick something sturdy and durable but you were all out for silver chairs and such. You like that strumming on that silly mandolin thing you have, but Im more in to rock music. Im sick of that silly green powder you put in the fire, that makes such an intoxicating smell. Why cant we just use air freshener like any other family? Im tired of being different. Why cant we be normal? So Ive decided to start a rehabilitation centre for those slaves of yours. I mean, they cant seem to say anything but Many sink down to the underworld, but few return to the sunlit lands. I think my new courses will be entitled Thinking for yourself and Remaining silent if you cant think of anything original to say.

Wish you best of luck with taking over the world,
Girl of the Red Kirtle

and the winner

The Tisroc’s (may he live forever) daughter by Lady Blanche
Oh, mine honered Father and venerable ruler. It is with great humility that I address your greatness with this letter. For some time now I have been working up the courage to write to you, Oh, Tisroc, (may you live forever). Your worshipfulness probably does not remember me. I am your highness’ royal daughter number 57th, sister of Rabadash the exalted prince and son of the Tisroc, (may he live forever). When you sent him away to that terrible land of Demons and cruel barbarians, I feared for his life, and my heart grew bitter within me. When I think of how you shed never a tear when he came back in the abominable shape of a Donkey, the sun became dark to my eyes. I can not remain here as the Tisroc’s (may he live forever) humble subject. I would rather be tossed into the deepest ocean or be burned in the eternal flames that surround the lands of the Tisroc, (may he live forever). Therefore I will now depart to the lands of the barbarians and there, live in exile from the face of my cruel Tisroc, (may he live forever)…wait, why do I keep saying that? Let’s get this stupid letter over with. So long Dad,
Princess Evalinarianalius

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .