Imagine a Narnian character is cleaning house (or den, cave, castle…). What might they uncover?
Example:
Mr. Beaver came home to find his wife at the tail end of spring cleaning. “What have you got there?” he asked. “Something you found amongst the clutter?” Mrs. Beaver clucked her tongue. “Most of it was YOUR clutter dear, and yes. I found my spectacles and my old apron.” “Haven’t seen those in a while,” Mr. Beaver responded. “Of course not, I got rid of them when we got roles in that new Adamson movie.”
Honorable Mentions
Ginnabrick’s Predecessor by Cherokee43v6
Jadis came home from a long patrol of the borders of her kingdom to a very very strange noise about her castle. Looking about she noticed that the various statues scattered about her courtyard were free of their usual coating of snow and frost.
Following the noise through the castle she finally came to her own bedchamber. There she found her dwarf servant happily and obliviously cleaning the accumulated drifts from about the room.
ELDABRICK! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!
At Jadis scream the dwarf stiffened and stood very still.
J-J-just a l-little sppring ccleaning your mmajesty. She mumbled through her beard.
Spring! SPRING!!! Jadis roared.
Szzzznnnnnshhhhnick. The White Witch twirled her scepter and jabbed it into the beard of the unfortunate dwarf.
We will SEE about this spring business!
What’s a dwarf to do? by Niffum
As you approach a small hut you hear grumbling and banging from within. Curious, you knock on the door to hear “Biscuits an’ Bullfrogs, come in if ya kin, but mind th’ axe that it don’t nick ya. You cautiously open the door to find your friend Trumpkin waist deep in, well, in clutter. As you look around you see what caused the great uproar, a large frying pan had somehow slipped out of it’s place above the stove and landed directly on Trumpkin’s foot. This caused the good dwarf to let out a number of alliterative explatives. As you look around for a place to sit you are surprised by all the things this confirmed bachelor has managed to collect. In one corner stands a large double sided axe, from which hangs a pair of small breeches. On the bed there are any manner of tools and devices which look to be for mining or something of that sort. But the most interesting piece is a rolled up scroll sitting on the floor not to far from where Trumpkin is standing. When he sees you looking at it his eyes twinkle and he says “Corncakes an’ Creampuffs, there it is! Can’t lose this, wanna see it?” He unrolls the piece of parchment to reveal a drawing of a large lion tossing what looks to be a small figure in the air. Trumpkin smiles and says “At’s me, Queen Lucy drawed it fer me so’s I’d allus ‘member ‘at day when I met Aslan. Now it be time ta pack oop, fer I’m ta be goin’ ta th’ castle, Caspian’s asked fer me. With that you start helping Trumpkin sort through all his belongings, still chuckling at the wonderful picture of Trumpkin and Asaln.
Puddleglum’s Pictures by Tildafan
“I wonder what’s in that box over there.” Puddleglum said soberly “It’s probably full of sharp objects or smelly fish or dust or something. Yes, it’s got to be full of one of those things. Or maybe even all three.” He walked sadly over to the box, sure that he would either be stabbed to death or his house would smell like dead fish and no one would ever come to his house ever again or that he would surely sneeze the roof off his house and then he would be sick in bed without a roof. He slowly lifted the lid, hoping for the worst. He was very surprized at what he saw. “What’s this?” he said to himself “They must be my family pictures! All faded, most likely. Who’s that? Oh, my great aunt. I remember her. She went to Calormen and never came back. That must be great grandpa Splasher. He drowned.” It went on like that untill the box was empty. “Oh, how awefoul!” moaned Puddleglum “Now I’ve got to put them all back in, again!”
The Beavers’ “Lists” by Alambil
“Where did it go, where did it go?” Mr. Beaver riffled through endless papers concealing the hand-carved desk underneath.
“Have you found it yet?” Mrs. Beaver waddled into the junk-strewn room, searching under tables, chests, and shelves. “Where could it have gone? I was just going to go out on some errands and pick up a few things, but then I lost it!”
“You didn’t lose it, sweetheart, it was my fault. And I doubt you could do the listed things, anyway.”
“What are you talking about, dear?” exclaimed Mrs. Beaver exasperatedly. “Are you telling me I can’t find eggs, milk, and bread on my own?”
“What are /you/ talking about?” inquired a befuddled Mr. Beaver. “I’m looking for my to-do list, and if there wasn’t so much rubbish around this house I would have found it by now!”
“Well that explains a lot!” Mrs. Beaver sighed. “I’m looking for my grocery list! We’d better get this mess cleaned up!”
So together they pitched in with tidying up the disarray of dishes, books, fishing gear and sewing supplies. In the process they found many items that had previously been missing. Finally, after over an hour of searching and straightening, they had both found their lists and exchanged a few hearty chuckles about how they had misunderstood the other one’s errands.
This was what they read:
[Mr. Beaver’s] To-do list:
-Work on dam
-Catch dinner
-Talk to Badger about Tumnus
-Meet the Sons of Adam and the Daughters of Eve and bring them back here
-Spring (if you could call this weather “spring”) cleaning with Mrs. Beaver
(“Well, at least I got one thing done,” he chortled.)
My [Mrs. Beaver’s] shopping list:
~Bread
~Eggs
~Milk
~Cinnamon & spices
~Tea
~Lots of jam
The Late Great Cyclops by DantheMan
One pleasant spring day, Giant Rumblebuffin was beginning his spring cleaning. WAY down at the bottom of a pile of ‘junk’ he found an old black and white photo. “Hey!” he cried. “It’s my old buddy Cyclops! I remember him. We had great times together! But what’s this? A note? He was killed by some jerk named Odyseous or something! What a meanie! Well… Cyclops DID have a bit of an appetite for manflesh. Must of been a human that murdered him.” Rumblebuffin treasured the picture forever. Coming soon… “The Return of the Cyclops”!!
The first spring cleaning in a hundred years by Wathira
Tumnus looked around his cave as his heart sank. It would take forever to clean up the mess that Maugrim the wolf had made when he came for him. Well, it was not going to clean itself up. First of all, he decided to light a fire to warm up the place a bit. Luckily, Maugrim had not touched his woodpile and so he still had quite an abundance.
It was only the work of a few minutes to get a fire going. Next, Tumnus decided to sew up the armchairs as best he could. That would involve a trip to the Beavers’ to borrow a needle and some thread. Having done this, Tumnus worked at the chairs for the better part of the morning. At noon, Mrs. Rabbit from next door brought over a packed lunch for him.
Mrs. Rabbit was part of the group of creatures who had formed an organization for the rehabilitation of former prisoners of the White Witch. Tumnus thanked her and sat down to eat in his newly-sewn armchair. After his meal, he decided to see to his bed if he was going to have a place to sleep tonight. As he had feared, the mattress was not a mattress anymore but a mass of linen and cotton wool. He would have to make a pallet.
So he went outside and gathered some heather and moss that grew around his house. He piled it in front of the fireplace and put the least torn sheet on top of it all. Now to see to the books, he thought. Managing to gather all the torn-out pages and sorting them by what books they went in, he placed them in their right places and put the books on the bookshelves – he would have to bind them properly later. By this time it was dark and so he would have to continue tomorrow, but he thought that he had made a pretty good start. Most importantly, the books were in their place and he had a place to sit, eat, and sleep at least for tonight. He hung his scarf up on a hook. His fingers ached from sewing. Lying down on his makeshift bed, Tumnus was just so happy that it was spring once again that he could have cleaned all year long.
and the winner
The Macready Mess by Narnia Nut
Mrs. Macready called Professor Kirk to the Wardrobe Room.
“Professor, why are there mothballs all over the floor? I’m trying to do my spring cleaning. Obviously someone’s been in here. Probobly those Pevensie brats. Aagh! Mud and pine needles everywhere! I’m suing Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie. What…what is this thing on the floor?”
“Looks like a squashed crown. Probobly solid gold.” said the Professor.
“Hmph! Probobly some plaything of one of those children. Why Professor! Four of your best fur coats are missing!”
“Oh… uh… they were a present to someone from me.” said the Professor.
Mrs. Macready didn’t recover from the “Wardrobe experience” for a couple of days. While she was in bed, the Professor mailed Lucy Pevensie the broken crown.
Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last contest.
