Write a letter from one Narnian character to another.
Dear Soddencloak, I’m afraid I have been called away in the middle of the night. Two children from another world, a secret mission, adventuring into peril after peril, that sort of thing. I don’t expect to be home for several months…well, really, it’s not likely I’ll be home at all, now is it? Still, a chap ought to hope for the best. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be out of town for a while, so I won’t be able to see your sister Mudblossom for our date next week. I know she was probably planning to break up with many anyway. It’s only natural. I’m not settled enough. But, in the unlikely even that I return alive and mostly whole from this almost certainly doomed escapade, I hope she will find me more worthy of her affections. If she finds another, better Wiggle in my absence (which is too plausable, really), please assure her that I wish her all the best and every happiness, unlikely as that may be. If I die, you may have my best fishing rod. Sincerely, Puddleglum
To The Lady of The Green Kirtle, From The Empress by salamander-of-bism
Hey girly girl!
How’s life up north? Enchanted any princes? Taken advantage of any giants’ stupidity? Eathmen are all cooperating? Well, life up her’s fine.
My winter is NOT melting. One of the two sons of Adam did NOT just escape. I am NOT becoming more and more worried that my power will soon end. Ginnabrik is definitely NOT sounding rebellious. Well, good luck catching knights. See ya soon,
P.S. Asla-I mean, You-Know Who, is NOT on the move. Just in case you were wondering… Um, bye.
From: Lasaraleen Tarkheena of Tashbaan, To: Aravis by overactiveimagination
Oh Aravis, darling.
I simply HAD to write you, since it’s been ever so long since you visited me in Tashbaan (hint hint, dear!). It has been EVER so dull since that fun we had it the Old Palace. For weeks I was too frightened to leave the house-but then I bought a new dress and went to a party and, well, everything is back to normal again. And-Oh Darling!- did you hear about Prince Rabadash at the Autumn feast! Simply ridiculous…it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! One moment there wasn’t anything but an old donkey, and then there he stood! The handsomest man at the temple! And I just happened to be wearing my new pink dress, darling. It was the LUCKIEST thing.
Oh Aravis, dear, I do wish you hadn’t gone and run off with that peasant boy. It’s not befitting a Tarkheena! And really, when you could’ve stayed in Tashbaan (not to mention Ahoshta’s fine new summer house in Mezreel) and gone to parties and houses and had all sorts of fun-and to run off to live like a slave in some iceridden country up North? I did think you had more sense than that, darling. You always were an odd one, though.
If you ever get a chance, DO come down and visit. We’ll have SO MUCH fun together, and I can tell you all the latest gossip, which is too much for this one piece of parchment to hold! Oh and you simply MUST see my latest dress. It’s the height-the VERY height-of fashion in Tashbaan. The other women of the city are simply green with envy.
Do come and visit me! It’s been rather dull lately. Goodbye, darling!
From Rishda Tarkaan to the Tisroc (May He Live For by LEA
O Tisroc (May-you-live-forever),
We have infiltrated the accursed barbarian land of Narnia, and found them blissfully unaware of your most excellent designs. We dressed as merchants and quietly are poisoning their minds against their foul demon whom they call Aslan. And then, Oh Tisroc (may-you-live-forever), we met a monkey whose ingenious plan to portray a donkey as Aslan (for he had found a lion’s skin) was revealed to me, and in this I recognized the goodness of Tash. For in half-darkness, this donkey appears to the others beasts of the land to be Aslan, and they do whatever he and his advisor the monkey tell them. Oh mighty Tisroc (may-you-live-forever), this has given us Narnia, for they do whatever the ape commands, and the ape tells them whatever we command, therefore you are at this very moment ruling Narnia, howbeit through the foolish and loquacious mouth of a monkey. Also, Oh Tisroc (may-you-live-forever), our ships are lying in a hidden harbor, and but two or three days hence, they shall fall upon the Narnians capital city, and upon Cair Paravel. Then it shall be but a few days, if Tash grants, that Narnia at last will be yours. May the gods preserve you,
Your faithful servant,
Son of Markda Taraan,
Son of Tarleb Tarkaan,
Son of Grimluth Tarkaan, Son of Sarbed Tisroc, descended in a right line from the god Tash.
and the winner
Lunatic Arrested by Strider
Dear Cousin George,
Funny thing happened on the job the other day. Was sitting around the station, talking to the other fellows, when the ‘phone rang from the Experiment House. It was the Head, she sounded awful frantic, and for a quite a few minutes we couldn’t make heads or tails of what she was trying to say. Something about a lion escaping from a circus and and something else about escaped convicts who broke down walls and carried drawn swords. ‘Course we couldn’t let that one go, being a boring night and all that, so we all went down from the station to check into it. Turns out the Head is a lunny, and the Experiment House is a bosh. Bringing the Head by your place on the way to the assylum tomorrow,and wondering if I might stop in? Send a cable if alright.
P.S. I never want to hear the word ‘lion’ or ‘sword’ ever again!
Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last contest.