A Sueiffic Encounter – Writing Contest #58

Write what might happen if a Narnian character were to – yes – meet the dreaded Mary-Sue!

Example:
Peter did not know how it all had happened. One minute he had been sitting on his throne. The next he was in the garden reading poetry to a sweet-looking stranger. His fingers curled and grasped the bark of the tree he had taken shelter behind as the sound of her musical voice once again met his ears. Next came the pink sparkles that always announced her coming presence. He braced for the worst.

Honorable Mentions

To Scare a SeaSerpent by Caspian’s Princess
Caspian groaned. “CASPIAN!” cried Mary-Su-Annabella-Magarite-Rosmia-Stella. “Yes? mildady?” “Do you like my dress?” Caspian sucked in his pride. “Yes, milady.” Rhince called from the crow’s nest. “SERPENT OFF THE PORT BOW!” Edmund and Lucy ran to the side of the ship. “What are we going to do?” Lucy moaned. She hugged her brother. Edmund soon obtained a very conniving smile. “Caspian, my friend,” he said. Caspian was backing up against the cabin wall as the girl walked toward him. “Quick Ed!” The next thing the girl new was that she was tied to the dragon head of the Dawn Treader, dangingling over the water. “Pretty pretty fishy fishies,” she said, looking at the fish swimming away. Soon, the serpent was coming upon the ship at a fast rate. “Where’s my perfume,” the girl gasped, digging through her satchel, “Ah, that’s better. No princess should be without her perfume!” The serpent, mouth open wide was about to get lunch when…SPRITZ! “Did I spray it?” The Serpent coughed and spluttered. Caspian and Edmund were rolling on the deck of the ship. “SHE SPRAYED IT IN HIS MOUTH!” Caspian laughed, holding his sides. The girl sprayed and sprayed again, finnaly, spraying on herself. The serpent cried out and slipped back into water, disappointed that his meal sprayed him with that horrible sue-ish scent. “Can I come down there?” she asked. “Milady, I think you are best suited up there,” Caspian said. “OKAY!”

Poor Caspian by rejoice12
It was all so sudden. One minute Caspian was on a hunt as usual, and the next he was cowering from the beautiful girl infront of him. She was perfect–perhaps a bit too perfect. And how did she already know his name? The girl who called herself Mary-Sue grinned her perfect, white smile at him and winked a long-lashed eye. Caspian sighed. It would be a long ride home.

Jadis? I’d like you to meet someone. Her name is by Trixie Belden
Lyke, Im in nanria! Mariella Suenna Rosemary Dewdrop Wintergreen tittered to herself. (Well call her Mary Sue for short, okay?)

Now, where is my Petie-kins? She looked around her with gorgeous violet/aquamarine/green eyes. Hes supposed to rescue me from something and we get married! O well. I guess Ill start walking for a bit. Mayby Ill get to Care Pearavell or whatevah.

So off she went on her long, perfectly tanned legs to find her Petie-kins. Before long, she heard the sound of bells. Petey! she cried joyously, and threw herself into the approaching sleigh&

&.and into the arms of a woman holding a very pointy staff. She was beautiful, but not as beautiful as Mary-Sue, of course!

Hey, lyke, move out of my way! Mary Sue said, throwing her hair back.

How DARE you address the queen of Narnia that way! the woman shouted.

Ohhh, your lyke that queenie person my Petie-kins fights! And then hes High King and stuff. And Azlan lyke, eats you or something. I didnt really watch that part of the movie because it was sooooo gross and stuff!

Throughout the Sues speech, the White Witch had been growing even whiter. Now she spoke. Ive had just about enough of you. Farewell.

And she turned her staff on Mary Sue. Mariella Suenna Rosemary Dewdrop Wintergreen was never heard from again, either in our world or Nanria. However, there was one exceptionally beautiful statue that stood for years at the court of Cair Paravel. Draw your own conclusions.

and the winner

In Which Edmund Goes Hysterical at Strawberry-Scen by Aslan’s Breath
One day in Narnia fan fiction, Edmund Pevensie was sitting in the bedroom which he shared with his cousin, Eustace. Eustace was out with his mother, the Pevensies Aunt, Alberta Scrubb, and Edmund–even though he enjoyed being around his cousin now that he had changed in Narniawas still a little relieved to be alone. Slowly, he lay back in bed with his hands folded contentedly behind his head. His eyelids fluttered closed as he lay still and enjoyed the blessed quiet, absently listening to the soft chirruping of birds outside the open bedroom window. Soon, a soft summer breeze blew in and ruffled his black hair. Edmund smiled faintly, and heaved a contented sigh. His eyebrows suddenly knitted confusedly. An odd smell had come to his nose. He sniffed again. It was a sweet, intoxicating sort of smell, and just a faint whiff of whatever it was made Edmund feel giddy. It smelled a little like strawberries& Strawberries?! Edmunds eyes snapped open, and he suddenly found himself sitting bolt upright, his body rigid with terror. Instinctively, Edmund turned his eyes toward the bedroom door. As if on cue, he heard footsteps coming up the stairway. Pink, glittery mist seeped in from under the door, filling the room with a pink, glittery, strawberry-scented fog through which he could barely see. His brown eyes widening with increasing terror, Edmund scrambled backward until his back hit the wall beside the bed. Edmund! came a shrill, giggly voice from behind the door. Slowly, it began to creak open. Edmund screamed something like a battle cry, grabbing an exercise book lying next to him on the bed and hurling it at the door in an attempt to defend himself. He missed by a long shot, and the poor exercise booked landed harmlessly on the bedroom rug. Edmund& the giggly, girlish voice beckoned to him, as the form of a Mary Sue flounced into the room. &GO AWAY, VILE MONSTER OF A WARPED IMAGINATION!! Edmund yelled, holding his hands in front of his in a helpless attempt to shield himself from the pink, strawberry-scented, lip-gloss wearing, jewelry-flaunting wrath of a Mary Sue… Whats wrong with you, Edmund?! What are you screaming about? Eustaces voice came unexpectedly from beside him. Edmunds eyes fluttered sleepily open, and he spotted his cousin giving him a quizzical look. By the looks of it, Edmund realized that he must have been yelling in his sleep again. Oh, nothing, he said sheepishly, as he sat up and heaved a sigh of utter relief. Eustace, on the other hand, silently exited the room, headed for the medicine cabinet to fetch his cousin some of Plumbtrees vitamanized nerve tonic. He also made a mental note to tell Alberta that the new strawberry scented soap with which she had cleaned the bed linens swept his elder cousin into fits of unbridled hysteria. A hysteria, Eustace thought with a shudder, in which girls who emitted a strange odor forcibly dragged his cousin kicking and screaming into a romantic story ridden with a ridiculous amount of typos, terribly poor characterization, and a very poor storyline that made a mockery of Romeo and Juliet.

 

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .