Infomercials – Writing Contest #61

We’re back! This month’s prompt: Write a Narnian Infomercial

What if Narnia had late-night TV infomercials? What might come up for sale? Beauty products, music albums, investment schemes? Write a pitch and share your idea! Winners will be posted at the beginning of March.

Example:

Hello, home viewers! Now, for a limited time, order our Cauldron Pool Brand Horn Polish, efficacy 100% percent guaranteed. Your horn will shine like never before. Trusted by unicorns everywhere including megastar Pearl Fleetfoot. Order now and get an extra jar of polish. Plus, our first fifty callers will receive a Fleetfoot signature gym towel! Call 1-800-MYSHINE today!

Honorable Mentions:

Rilly Dilly Bars by narniagirl11

Sick of munching on food containing unknown ingredients? Tired of trying to eat men and marshwiggles? Never fear! Just try Missing Prince Rilian’s Dilly Bars! Seconds after tasting, you will begin to have illusions of yourself as the Prince of the Underworld! Every night you dine on glorious dilly bars while seated and bound in your special silver chair. Endorsed by the Lady of the Grrreen Kirrrtle! Boxes are going faster than earthmen to Bism, so order now! Just call 1-800-MISSING right now and we will double your offer. But wait! There’s more! With every two boxes of dilly bars purchased, you get an exclusive CD of the Kirrrtle’s own mandolin music! Hypnotizing powder packet not included.

Greasy-Haired Prince by narniagirl11

Who doesn’t love bacon? And who doesn’t love music? Now introducing Caspy the Fake and his hit album, “Greasy-Haired Prince”! (very quiet and fast voice: Please note that this is not /King Caspian/ but rather is a sad impersonation of him by his second cousin twice removed a.k.a. Ben Barnes.) Copies are selling faster than molasses in December, so order yours today! But wait! If you order within the next five seconds, we will triple your offer. But that’s not all! With every 2 albums sold, Caspy is giving away a free signed Special Edition Queen Susan the Gentle Popcorn Container collectors’ item. Products are selling fast so call now! 1-800-2GREASY

Hoof Cream by jesusgirl4ever

Hello, all Talking horses, centaurs, winged horses, and unicorns! Are your hooves aching? Have they lost their shine? Do you wish they were new? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need Eastern Sea Hoof Restoration Polish. Made from amazing materials from the pits of the sea, this cream is guaranteed to make your hooves brighter, shiner, and newer looking! So call 1-800-RESTORE today!

And finally, the winner!

DesertGirl by Ariel_of_Narnia

Introducing the all-new Oasis Shadow collection from DesertGirl. Stand out from the crowd with Owl’s Clover Pink, freshen up with Refreshing Blue, or accentuate with Lively Palm Green. Our new formula lasts all day without once touching up and guarantees to make you the life of any party! Trusted by Lasaraleen Tarkeena and the Princess Nirava.
Call 1-800-MYOASIS and you’ll get two Oasis Shadows at the exclusive price of twenty crescents. And if you order within the next ten minutes, you can get DesertGirl’s new BlackLash mascara for free. Again, that’s two Oasis Shadows and one BlackLash for the exclusive price of twenty crescents. Call 1-800-MYOASIS now.
Be the next easy, breezy, beautiful DesertGirl.

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