Classified Ads – Writing Contest #83

The classified ads in newspapers are such handy things. Who do you call when you need a service? What job might someone look for? Where might you find affordable housing? How do you find a runaway? What might someone be willing to say in a personal note? And let’s not forget the all-important yard sales and auctions! The possibilities are endless… what do you suppose a Narnian might spot in a newspaper?

Example: “DRIVER WANTED”

Searching for competent sledge-driver. Full-time, schedule not flexible and subject to irregular hours. On-site accommodations and meals, no workplace injury compensation. Must have experience with reindeer, whips, rope-tying, human-herding, and improvisation. Sledge not heated; must be able to withstand freezing temperatures. If interested, apply directly to Queen Jadis’ HR department.

 

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .

 

Honourable Mentions

by Tom
Missing: Two Sons of Adam and Two Daughters of Eve. Range in age from 23 to 33. Hair color depends on which version you find. Last seen traveling north from Lantern Waste in search of the White Stag. If found please contact Mr. Tumnus.

by Tom
Tutor Wanted. Must be skilled in all of the the major subjects, Grammer, History, Cosmography, Rhetoric, Heraldry, Versfication and other subjects. No Navigation reguired. Contact Queen Prunaprismia.

“CANDY MAKER NEEDED” by Berry
Looking for candy maker. Must be able to make Turkish Delight. Must be willing to make Turkish Delight whenever King Edmund wants it. Ingredients and supplies will be paid for. If capable, apply to King Edmund ASAP.
Wooden Logs for Sale. Freshly cut from the wilds of Lantern Waste, Narnia. Imported by the good graces of the Tisroc, may He live forever. Contact Riska Tarkaan

by Tom
Legal Notice. It is the wish of King Caspian X, The Seafarer, that, to prevent the needless loss of life to the Telarmines, Dwarfs and Talking Beasts of Narnia, it is hereby forbidden for any creature of Narnia to go in search of the Lost Prince, Crown Prince Rilian of Narnia. If any creature is found to be preparing to going in search of the Lost Prince, he or she is to be locked up in the Dungeons of Cair Paravel. By order of Lord Trumpkin.

“Lost possession” by AGB
LOST: HUMAN
Daughter of Eve. Has the appearance of a beardless dwarf. Failure to report sightings will result in loss of horns, beard, or other facial adornment. If found, please bring to Her Majesty’s Palace, between the two hills. Reward is your life.

 

And the winner is…

by Tom
Sparring Partner wanted. Must be able to take blows to the head. Contact Prince Corin, Anvard Castle, Archenland.