gypsevedius: When does Writer's start?
Ariel.of.Narnia: twelve minutes ago.
gypsevedius: oh......
Ariel.of.Narnia: but unless you have something to share, I was just gonna wait till more show up.
featherfish: :runs in, panting:
Ariel.of.Narnia: @gyps: we could start now or we could wait. this is technically the start time, so....
Squirrel 9155368: *is Ela*
featherfish: hey, norelle
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh, hi, Ela! and Nia! and any other squirrels!
gypsevedius: Hi, Elanor!
narniac101: I AM NO LONGER A SQUIRREL MWAHAHAAA. I'm just here to watch.
Squirrel 9155368: I will remain a squirrel, too much trouble.
Squirrel 9155368: I am also here to just watch
featherfish: :hugs everyone then retreats back to the chandelier to be creepy and stare at people:
gypsevedius: So I share now....?
Ariel.of.Narnia: sure, gyps!
Ariel.of.Narnia: quiet down, everyone, for the lovely gyps!
gypsevedius: Oh okay....so I'm gonna share a poem. And I wrote it like, forever ago about Nia's cat who ran away. sooo... It's called "Where Are You, Larabee"
~ Gypsevedius shares ~
gypsevedius: Your memory will not erase,
Though you are gone without a trace.
You have been gone so very long,
Seeming in fact, to prove me wrong
That you would ever return.
– A lesson I have learned.
Never take what you love for granted;
For one day, life decides to take it.
– I do not know if you are dead,
I do not know if you're alive.
It's hard to think ahead when I think "Why?"
Why would you just disappear?
Why would you just leave me here?
Now I'm alone, and hurt, and sad.
Was it my fault? Did I do something bad?
I have so many questions for you
That nobody else can answer for me.
But the most asked question in my head is:
"Where are you, Larabee?"
featherfish: :dies:
featherfish: very good, Gypse
Ariel.of.Narnia: aw
gypsevedius: Thanks!
Ariel.of.Narnia: and better than my poetry
Squirrel 9155368: I like it. Very feeling.
narniac101: I love that poem ... *applauds*
gypsevedius: smiley-lol
gypsevedius: Thanks
Ariel.of.Narnia: and it applies nicely to other situations too, which makes it even more relatable
gypsevedius:...Yeah, definitely.
Ariel.of.Narnia: any further comments for gypsy on her poem?
Ariel.of.Narnia: alright then, I'll take that as a no.
gypsevedius: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: does anyone have something to share?
featherfish: yeah
featherfish: I have a song
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alrighty, go ahead, feather!
~ Featherfish shares ~
featherfish: it gets dark at night
and when it's dark, it's cold
even if it's warm outside
it gets cold below
it gets cold below my skin
inside my head
there's no warmth within
when it's dark outside
it's dark inside
inside my head
where darkness runs to hide
where's it's dark and cold\
everybody knows
the darkness is my home
the dark that's down below
has made my mind grow cold
and when my mind is cold and dark
it makes it difficult for my heart
to stay warm
keep pumping blood
when is it time to be done?
so all day I’ll wait for night to come
and to the shadows I will run
the dark has be come my friend of late
so for the nighttime I will wait
if you can't already tell
I’m a creature of the night
I’m in the dark so much
that I wonder if I might
begin to enjoy it
for you see if I destroy it
all that I do in the dark
will surface and you'll see the stark
reality, really in reality
my heart is waiting for me
somewhere out of my reach
until I find it, then
the darkness is my friend
so heart, keep pumping blood
until this is all undone
so all day I’ll wait for night to come
and to the shadows I will run
the dark has be come my friend of late
so for the nighttime I will wait
shadows creeping over me
someone save me
help me please
shadows creeping over me
someone save me
help me please
shadows creeping over me
someone save me
help me please
so all day I’ll wait for night to come
and to the shadows I will run
the dark has be come my friend of late
so for the nighttime I will wait
so all day I’ll wait for night to come
and to the shadows I will run
the dark has be come my friend of late
so for the nighttime I will wait
Ariel.of.Narnia: *re-reads and processes it*
gypsevedius: That's oddly very beautiful. I like that.
featherfish: @Ariel: is that a good thing? o.o
gypsevedius: I'm a big fan of songs that show relatable emotion. And that really does it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: in this case, yes, a good thing.
Featherfish thanks, Gypse
featherfish: @Ariel: okay, good
Ariel.of.Narnia: I like exploring a mind, which is what this does.
featherfish: smiley
featherfish: thanks
Ariel.of.Narnia: good job on your use of words to make me feel something that I haven't felt much.
Ariel.of.Narnia: any further comments on feather's song?
Ariel.of.Narnia: (curious, feather, have you set it to a tune?)
Squirrel 9155368: I've read it three times now, and I have to say I really like it. It's an exploration of the mind, like Ariel said. Also, I appreciate the word choices you used here.
featherfish: @Ariel: no, I don't have a tune yet
featherfish: wow, everyone keeps reading it O.o
featherfish: thanks guys ^-^
Ariel.of.Narnia: it's one of those things that require sinking in and mulling over. A good thing, by the way!
featherfish: oh, cool
narniac101: Ditto, Ariel. I really like it, but I'm not sure what to say about it.
featherfish: you don't have to say anything o.o
gypsevedius: Yeah...
featherfish: I didn't think it was very good
Ariel.of.Narnia: that's alright. There is always room for improvement and tinkering about
featherfish: I have one other completed song
Ariel.of.Narnia: fire away!
featherfish: one sec
featherfish: and now the day
has come to an end
go to sleep
I’ll see you again
hush, my dear
you don't have to fear
the night will leave
the day is near
I know you're hurt
and feel alone
and you will cry
inside your home
I am hurt
I feel it too
there's nothing else
I can say to you
if you don't think
you can stay
then please just wait
until the day
when morning comes
all is new
now close your eyes
because I love you
goodnight
goodnight
now close your eyes
the sun will rise into the sky
goodnight, my friend
I’ll remember you
if you are afraid
one thing is true
the night is dark
it's cold inside
but just wait for day
now close your eyes.
gypsevedius: That one's really good, too.
featherfish: thanks
featherfish: you were one of the people that I wrote it for, Gypse
gypsevedius: Oh wow... that means a lot. Thanks.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I like the rhythm. There are a couple spots that deviate, but I'm hardly one to judge on that 'cause I stink at writing rhythm.
it is simpler than the last one, but no less heart-felt.featherfish: yw
featherfish: it was the first complete song I wrote
featherfish: and it actually does have a tune
featherfish: on the ukulele/guitar, it's Am, C, G, D
featherfish: I think
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh nice!
Featherfish: I’m planning on putting it up on my soundcloud soon
Ariel.of.Narnia: that would be neat-o to get out there!
Ariel.of.Narnia: any further comments?
Ariel.of.Narnia: then the floor is open for the next to share!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *hears crickets*
Ariel.of.Narnia: in that case then, is anyone interested in a timed challenge?
Featherfish: okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: alright. here's the challenge: Pick an ordinary object. Make it your favourite Narnia character's obsession. Write a story about the obsession.
we'll go with 15-20 minutes
featherfish: oh dear
featherfish: I have to choose a favorite character
featherfish: I have 3
Ariel.of.Narnia: haha!
featherfish: I’m going with Lasaraleen xD
Ariel.of.Narnia: ooh, that'll be fun.
Ariel.of.Narnia: ready, set, go!
Sir-Edward: hello, did I miss anything?
Ariel.of.Narnia: hi, Ed! haven't seen you for a while!
Sir-Edward: indeed
Ariel.of.Narnia: you did miss a poem and two songs, and we're currently doing a timed challenge, if you'd like to join us!
Sir-Edward: Hmmmm.... ok
Ariel.of.Narnia: feather, Ed, how are you guys doing on your stories?
Sir-Edward: I'm at a point that I could wrap it up I suppose
featherfish: if I could have a few more minutes that would be nice
Ariel.of.Narnia: you know me, Ed. I'm never done on time.
Ariel.of.Narnia: we'll go a few minutes more, feather, no worries
Sir-Edward: indeed
featherfish: thanks guys <3
featherfish: tbh idk why I wrote this
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol. I feel the same way about mine
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm almost done with mine.
featherfish: it's the weirdest thing I’ve ever written xD
featherfish: I think I’ve been watching the twilight zone too much lately
Sir-Edward: mine isn't very good but at least the "obsession" makes sense given the context
Ariel.of.Narnia: the thing about these challenges is that they can always be brushed up later.
featherfish: hehe
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed, since you were done first, would you like to share first?
Featherfish: I might just have to post mine on Fanfiction
Sir-Edward: ookey
Sir-Edward: here ya go
~ Sir-Edward shares ~
Sir-Edward: Pete was going to kill him. he was going to have to exile himself to the deepest, darkest place in all of Narnia to escape his brother's wrath. he had lost it. he had lost the sword of high king Peter the magnificent. if he didn't retrieve Pete's sword he would never hear the end of it. and worse yet time was running out, three days. three days was all he had before his brother returned from Archenland and discovered that Edmond had gone and lost his sword for him. another drop of sweat beaded on Edmund's brow and rolled slowly down his face to join the many others. he had been riding the whole night without rest. his horse Philip pounded the earth beneath him in long, powerful strides. he was almost to Tashbaan, then the real work would begin. in a city the size of Tashbaan, the sword could be almost anywhere, but he knew a few good places to start. first thing's first though, he would have to find a way to blend in. walking around in full chain mail and Tabbard bearing the crest of Aslan wouldn't get him very far here. "Edmund" the voice jolted him out of his thoughts and looking down he realized the voice was Philip’s. "what is it Philip?" he asked, a bit sleepily. "we're here" was all the horse said and Edmond's dreariness left him at once. sure enough the silhouetted spires of Tashbaan city seemed to crawl ominously over hill towards them. "we are indeed my friend" breathed Edmond, a little taken aback at the sight of the looming towers and pointed spires of the huge city framed in the dim yellow glow of the rising sun that was just then starting to peek over the eastern mountains. Edmond let out a calming breath and nodded to Philip to continue on toward Tashbaan. "now let's find that sword."
featherfish: man Edmund how'd you manage to do that
featherfish: losing Pete’s sword?
featherfish: really?
featherfish: xD
Sir-Edward: I don't know! but it seemed like something Edmond would obsess over if he lost it
Ariel.of.Narnia: he totally would.
Sir-Edward: who's next
Ariel.of.Narnia:... what was Ed doing with Rhindon in Tashbaan?!
featherfish: I can go
Sir-Edward: beats me
featherfish: idk but it seems like the kind of scrape he would get himself into
Ariel.of.Narnia: haha.
Ariel.of.Narnia: your turn, feather!
Sir-Edward: fire away!
~ Featherfish shares ~
featherfish: It was a simple necklace, really. A fine gold chain, strung with a single opal, polished to perfection. It wasn’t nearly as fine as some as the other jewelry in Lasaraleen’s massive collection. But it was old, older than anything in her house, and had a peculiar story. It was whispered by the old women who did the Tarkheena’s laundry that something very queer and terrible had happened to the necklace’s previous owner, many years ago; it was claimed that he disappeared, and, if you happened outside on a dark night, you could still hear him crying out for it. The gem in the necklace, you see, was called The Precious Opal.
(scene break)
“Darling, would you find me a necklace to match this dress? Something white, an opal, perhaps, would be simply divine, for there is a white trim on my gown, and they simply must match, for this party tonight is of the utmost importance.” With that unnecessarily long request, a handmaiden of Lasaraleen Tarkheena was sent into a storage room.
A moment later, the dark young woman came back into the Tarkheena’s chambers. “Will this suit, your lady?” she asked, carefully holding out a beautiful opal necklace.
“It most certainly will, darling! Why, I haven’t seen something so beautiful since I was being carried down my litter yesterday--you know, to go to that lovely party at Tarkheena Mahair threw since she became engaged--and saw a dress on display by that lovely little shop where I overheard just the other day about Prince Rabadash and Queen Susan--I think she’s a barbarian, personally, but the son of the Tisroc (may he live forever) may of course choose whichever woman he desires. It was pink, with a lovely gold trim and pearls encrusted in the neckline.” After a moment’s pause, the Tarkheena sighed with impatience. “Darling, please put the necklace on me.”
The handmaid (whose name was Lina,) had a strange difficulty giving the necklace to the Tarkheena--she wanted to keep it. “Precious Opal, my Precious Opal,” she murmured.
“What was that?” Lasaraleen practically shrieked.
Lina went red. “N-nothing, your ladyship, I said nothing,” she quickly said, hastily clasping the necklace around the Tarkheena’s neck.
When Lasaraleen turned to her vanity, her jaw dropped. “Where has this been, handmaid?” she asked, reaching up to touch the gem.
“In the storage room, my lady.”
“So it is mine, then? My Precious Opal?”
Lina swallowed, enviously eyeing the gemstone.
The Tarkheena noticed the look and ordered the handmaid leave her at once--she didn’t trust anyone near her Precious Opal; they all wanted to steal it from her.
“My Precious,” she murmured once the room was empty.
(scene break)
Several weeks later, and Lasaraleen Tarkheena seemed to have gone mad. Nobody was allowed in her chambers--she didn’t seem to need sleep or food anymore, and she could be heard talking in the middle of the night. Her slaves and handmaidens, who would sometimes linger outside of her door, begging her to come out and eat, heard her talking to someone she called “Precious.” Lina, blamed it all on herself. “If only I hadn’t given her the Precious,” she thought hopelessly.
Inside the Tarkheena’s chambers, things weren’t much better. Lasaraleen had turned off all the light in her chambers, and her eyes had begun to enlarge to compensate for the darkness. She was getting stick-thin, and had begun walking on hands and knees. Her once-fine robes were in tatters, and she’d developed a nasty cough.
Then one day, she escaped out a window. Some said that they saw a pale creature, with big eyes, sparse hair, and a terrible cough escaping the city by night. And it’s said now that if you go down to the old tombs, you can hear the creature that was once Lasaraleen Tarkheena, coughing and talking to her Precious.
featherfish: the end
gypsevedius: Haha that's funny!
featherfish: thanks
Sir-Edward: lol good one
Ariel.of.Narnia: whoops. *reads*
Sir-Edward: nice tie-in
narniac101: *SNORK*
featherfish: so yeah now Las is Gollum
featherfish: I’m not sure why I did that
Sir-Edward: Shasta didn't know his peril when he stopped at the tombs
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh good heavens!
Ariel.of.Narnia: no wonder everyone talked about her mad jokes.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snorks at Ed*
featherfish: @Edward: true xD
featherfish: @Ariel: yeah, she's crazy
featherfish: I’m cracking up way too much at my own story
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Ariel.of.Narnia: and here I was about to congratulate Las for liking such a simple necklace *shakes head mournfully*
featherfish: MY PRECIOUS
featherfish: :is super sleep-deprived:
narniac101: LINA MY LOVE, GIVE IT TO US
featherfish: xD
featherfish: IT IS OURS
featherfish: :dies:
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh dear
Sir-Edward: are to done with your story Ariel or are you still...*voice darkens* /WRITING?/
featherfish: :gasp of horror:
featherfish: :sounds of ladies fainting:
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: lol. um... I mean, I've sort of reached an end, but I'm clearly gonna have to go back and make adjustments 'cause I didn't quite know how I wanted the last bit to go.
Ariel.of.Narnia: okay... here's my all-over-the-place answer to the challenge
~ Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: “Where is it?”
Up until then, Edmund had ignored the shuffling sounds coming from the other side of the room, but now he looked up from his book. Peter lifted a mess of papers from his nightstand, then checked the folds of quilt around his legs. He set the papers down on the nightstand again, then hefted the textbook from his lap, dropping a pencil to the floor as he did. He let out a soft growl and leaned dangerously to the side to pick it back up. Edmund furrowed his brows a little when Peter shifted his position entirely and began pat around the pillows frantically.
“What is it?” Edmund finally asked.
Peter stopped, bewilderment shadowing his features. “My paperweight.”
Edmund’s eyes grew wide. “The one from Professor Kirke?” He forgot to bookmark his place before he shut the book and threw it on his pillow. “Where did you last see it?”
Peter checked again under the papers on his nightstand. “Right here.” He threw down the papers in frustration, not caring that two of them fluttered to the floor. “Right here,” he repeated.
Edmund dropped to the floor and felt around under the bed. Peter whipped back the quilt and frowned at the sheets. His pencil fell again, striking Edmund’s head first before finding the floor again. “Are you sure you last saw it here?” Edmund asked as he set the pencil and forgotten papers on the nightstand. He noticed the drawer was slightly ajar, but before he could open it further, Peter shut it with a sigh.
“I came up after lunch,” Peter said aloud, more to himself than to Edmund. “I got my books.” He pointed at the chest of drawers opposite his bed. “Settled down here, got my pencil and paper from the drawer… It was here.” He pointed to the nightstand. “I know because I held it for a while.”
Edmund vaguely remembered Peter playing with something while he studied, but was that here or in the living room? Or was he even remembering today? Peter fiddled with things so often when he read, it was hard to remember what he held, when, and where. “Are you sure you didn’t have it with you downstairs?”
“Right. Here.” Peter jabbed the nightstand with his finger for punctuation. “I put it down when I picked up my pencil.”
Edmund hummed and tried harder to remember, but he was soon distracted by Peter: his brother’s eyes darted about but looked at nothing in particular, his fingertips ran over his thumb again and again, and his breaths were loud with concentration. Edmund peeked at the textbook and frowned. No wonder Peter was stressed. “I think you left it downstairs. I’ll check.”
In the living room, Edmund surveyed the bookshelves, lifted each potted plant – twice –, and even displaced Susan from her place on the sofa to check under the cushions. Nothing. He scratched his head, apologized to Susan, and trudged back up the stairs, half-expecting to see the whole room upturned.
Instead, Peter was settled again with his back against his pillows, textbook on his knees, a wholly different look of concentration in his eyes… and the paperweight swinging in measured arcs between his fingers.
Edmund crossed his arms. “Where was it?”
Peter didn’t look up - or /wouldn’t/, Edmund realized when he saw the flush of colour rise in Peter’s cheeks. “In the… in the drawer,” he admitted.
“When did you find it?”
“Right after you left.”
Edmund made sure Peter couldn’t miss his huff of displeasure. “And you didn’t think to let me know. Really, Pete.”
Ariel.of.Narnia: the, um, end...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *scratches head*
Ariel.of.Narnia: so many things dying for attention.
Sir-Edward: *applauds*
featherfish: smiley-lol
featherfish: I liked it very much
featherfish: the bromance made me happy ^-^
Ariel.of.Narnia: good to know!
Ariel.of.Narnia: I don't write enough of the Pevensies...
featherfish: I always get scared to write canon main characters of any fandom because I’m afraid they'll be super OOC...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *jots down a list of things she needs to fix so she had reference when she does go back to fix it*
Ariel.of.Narnia: that's a legitimate fear
Ariel.of.Narnia: though... you did just do it with Las.
featherfish: that was intentional
Ariel.of.Narnia: haha, I know.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *looks at clock* Kristi is supposed to come in approx 15 minutes, hopefully with something to share...
Ariel.of.Narnia: ideas on filling the time?
Sir-Edward: do you want any ideas for changing you story?
featherfish: :shrugs and climbs back up the chandelier:
Ariel.of.Narnia: if you've got any, yes! bring them on!
featherfish:*shrugs
Ariel.of.Narnia: I know I should expand on the paperweight itself
Sir-Edward: the first would be that Peter was making a show of losing the paperweight so as to get Edmond out of the room for some reason
Ariel.of.Narnia: I was thinking about that, actually
Sir-Edward: then when Edmond returns that would add an interesting ending as Pete’s plot comes to light
Ariel.of.Narnia: yessssss
Ariel.of.Narnia: yesssss, just need to figure out what it is Peter is trying to do in secret
Ariel.of.Narnia: but I like that so much better
narniac101:he wants the chocolate all for himself ...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snerks!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: (@Nia: *suddenly sees an empty sweets bag on Ed's bed and a totally failed look of innocence on Peter's face...*)
featherfish: but he could have, like, a girlfriend or something like that who he's writing a letter to
Ariel.of.Narnia: funny enough, I was thinking of that possibility too.
featherfish: O.o
featherfish: wow, I’m smarter than I thought
Ariel.of.Narnia: as much as I generally like to think of the Pevensies as single.
featherfish: yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: honestly, it's mainly an option just because I wanna see the look on Peter's face when Ed comes back a little too soon and busts him.
featherfish: xD
featherfish: yes
Sir-Edward: another idea would be that peter is two sure that he didn't leave it in the drawer that they search the entire castle before finally giving up and returning dejectedly to their room then ed is like are you sure you didn't leave it in the drawer? and Pete's like NO! for the last time I -and then he open's the drawer to find the paper weight
featherfish: I need that fic in my life, Ariel
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: another thought that crossed my mind too. Edmund being wrong about it being downstairs is definitely not as funny as that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @feather: *snickers* maybe I need two versions of this story?
Sir-Edward: lol
featherfish: you definitely do Ariel.of.Narnia: *wonders how different the story has to be in order to be okay to post it twice on fanfiction.net...*
Ariel.of.Narnia: or I could just post one on fanfiction.net and leave the other here as a bonus.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *grins*
Ariel.of.Narnia: anymore brilliant ideas, guys?
featherfish: sorry, I gave you my only brilliant idea
featherfish: I won't be able to come up with any more brilliant ideas until next week
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol! used up your quota for the week, huh?
Sir-Edward: all my brilliance leaked out my ears a long time ago...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *wonders if she should even entertain the idea of Peter losing paperweights being a recurring issue*
Sir-Edward: also how did Peter get a paperweight from professor Kirk?
featherfish: O.o maybe he's a wizard
Sir-Edward: he found a portal to our world and used it to steal a paperweight?
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: my mind was setting this some time after LWW, possibly even between PC and VDT
Ariel.of.Narnia: so England
Ariel.of.Narnia: not that I said so in the story.
Sir-Edward: I was thinking golden age
Ariel.of.Narnia: another reason I was wondering if it's a remotely good idea to make Peter's missing paperweights a recurring issue, so he has more reason to actually obsess over a paperweight and so I have an excuse to write multiple versions of the same story.
featherfish: hehe
Kristi: Hi!
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Ariel.of.Narnia: hi, Kristi!
gypsevedius: Hi, Kristi!
featherfish:
hi, Kristi!Kristi: Are all these people here for writer's?
Sir-Edward: yup
Kristi: Wonderful!
Ariel.of.Narnia: yeah! we had a bunch of action!
Kristi: Excellent. Who are we dissecting now?
Ariel.of.Narnia: well, they were dissecting me.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I think they left off somewhere around the liver.
Sir-Edward: we're working toward the spleen
Featherfish: xD
Ariel.of.Narnia: feather, Ed, and I did a prompt challenge and they gave me ideas to fix mine.
Kristi: liver...
Kristi: great
[Kristi's story removed by request]
An Unknown Pevensie: Also..... is it too late to share?
An Unknown Pevensie: Heheheh Sir Ed.
Sir-Edward: no no! by all means!
Sir-Edward: fire away!
An Unknown Pevensie: I have HTTYD fanfic I wrote recently and I want to see what you think.
Ariel.of.Narnia: go for it Pev! sorry, didn't realize you had something!
An Unknown Pevensie: Is that allowed here?
An Unknown Pevensie: Oh okay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: so long as it's G or PG-rated.
An Unknown Pevensie: Uhhhh how large should each section be?
An Unknown Pevensie: (nod)
Ariel.of.Narnia: I like to go by paragraph, others like to do the whole shebang...
An Unknown Pevensie: Whatever a shebang is, I think that is what I have.
~ An Unknown Pevensie shares ~
An Unknown Pevensie: "Come on, girl! You can do it!" Astrid whispered as loud as she dared. She had been secretly training her Stormfly, a deadly nadder, to be stealthier. They were over the ocean, silent as an owl, trying to out fly Hiccup and Toothless. While the latter pair was by far the fastest, Astrid thought that they might be able to surprise them. In her favor.
"Good" Astrid thought, as Hiccup made no sign of noticing them. Toothless would normally recognize their presence by now, and turn his head to greet them. No sign of that either.
"A few more feet now...." They inched closer. She stood up, planning on leaping down on Hiccup.
Right before she jumped, the night fury shot forward with a burst of speed, then headed up an arched seastack she hadn't noticed right in front of them. Dropping to a seated position, Astrid maneuvered Stormfly silently under the arch, still with hopes of a surprise. She waited for Hiccup to come back down, as he normally did. The air currents around the seastacks give a wonderful flying experience, and Hiccup always took advantage of them to have a little fun. And diving down the side was by far the best.
Astrid waited longer. She listened carefully, but heard nothing. Slowly, she peaked out looking for him. Edging her dragon farther out from under the arch, she wondered where he went.
"What on earth?" Normally she would have heard them leave, for the tail mechanism isn't exactly the most quiet. But they were nowhere to be seen.
Before she could think any farther, Hiccup's lithe frame dropped out of nowhere in front of her, landing on Stormfly perfectly. Astrid almost jumped out of her skin.
"Not the shock you were expecting to see, M'lady?" Hiccup grinned, seeing her face of surprise. At sixteen, he had begun to take on a different form, resulting in a lot of accidents. This time, she almost attacked him, thinking he was someone else again. After a few moments of recognition, she laughed.
"Where is your dragon?"
"On the seastack." He replied, pointing up.
She laughed again as thoughts ran through her mind. "Good, I guess if he is safe he won't need to worry!" She said.
"Hey! No fair." Hiccup said, and the nadder began to climb into the sky rapidly. He hung on, having nothing holding him to the dragon. Astrid just laughed again and grabbed his arm, ignoring the pleas of Toothless below. Pretty soon Stormfly evened out, allowing Hiccup to get situated.
"Well, now what are you going to do?" He asked.
"Oh, perhaps leave your dragon here for a bit and pretend I lost you." She was smiling.
"Oh no. Not this time. If we are doing something with your dragon around, mine has to be with us too." He smiled big. They were hovering in the air above the seastacks.
"What are you going to do about it?" She smiled as though issuing a challenge. Hiccup accepted. He leapt off the nadders back and proceeded to fall. Astrid gasped in shock, but Hiccup wasn't done.
"Toothless!" He called, pulling on a string attached to some contraption on his back. He was getting close to the seastack, and Toothless didn't know what to do about it. In the nick of time, a pair of wings leapt out of the weird box strapped to Hiccup, catching air for a second and swooping him out of the way of the seastack. But the moment only lasted a second. The wings failed again, but thankfully Hiccup was out of immediate danger. This allowed Toothless to dive down with him and catch him in a perfect rescue maneuver. They swept back up to the tom of the seastack, where Astrid and Stormfly were just landing. Astrid's eyes were wide, as she hopped off Stormfly and ran over to the pair. Hiccup just smiled sheepishly, embarrassed that his invention had not worked too well.
"Er.. sorry, Astrid." He said as she ran up to him.
"You almost killed yourself! What were you thinking!" She screamed at him.
"Uh...." He started to reply, but Astrid put a hand on his mouth, furious.
"Don't say anything! You are not getting away with that again!" Then replaying what had happened in her mind again, a tear escaped her eye and she pulled him close in a hug that almost rivaled Stoiks. Pulling away, she punched him in the gut, ran to her nadder, and flew toward Berk.
Hiccup slowly pulled himself to his feet, shrugged at Toothless, and then took off slower in the same direction.
Ariel.of.Narnia: heh. I do like that she punched him for it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: and nice to see a trial run of his wings too!
An Unknown Pevensie: Good.
An Unknown Pevensie: That wasn't nearly all of it.
An Unknown Pevensie: XD
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh there's more? go ahead!
Sir-Edward :indeed!
An Unknown Pevensie: Oh well..... kay.
An Unknown Pevensie: Well it is the part where Hiccup proposes.
An Unknown Pevensie: In a special holiday that I thought needed celebrating.
An Unknown Pevensie: the whole thing is 20 pages long. I will give you a different part that I really like.
An Unknown Pevensie: There was nothing but celebration that evening. A few hours after noon, the houses were judged. Snotlout's decorations were all tilted slightly, and Ruff and Tuff decided to spend a good amount of time criticizing it, and running away from Snotlout. Not to say that the twin's decorations were a lot better; but still only half their house seemed straight. Fishlegs and Astrid were at the Haddock house, admiring the new red death head carving mounted on the front. If Hiccup had been near he would have gotten lots of congratulations. But he was not anywhere near.
No, Hiccup was over studying the house Astrid occupied. By herself. It was well enough sized for one person to live in alone, but Hiccup wanted to make some modifications as a gift. He walked around and around until it was reported to Astrid, by a couple mischievous twins, that he was cheating. This the duo had agreed on entirely, and nothing Hiccup said could dissuade them from telling Astrid so. Thus came yet another displeasing encounter with Astrid.
"Hiccup! What do you think you are doing? I told you what would happen if I caught a cheater!" Her axe at his chest.
"Wha... what, Astrid? I was not cheating!" He protested.
Wanting to believe him, Astrid eased off a little. "Then what WERE you doing?"
"Ahh yeah I was, well... just admiring it, you know." He gestured towards the building. "Very well done. I like it." Hiccup smiled his best, looking at her axe.
"Well no more. And you had better not go to your house, or I am going to punish you for cheating!"
"Ah, no worries. Please. I won't, I promise. You know me, I wouldn't cheat!"
Astrid just looked at him distrustingly; she was still mad at him. Hiccup ran off to his little workshop in the forge, where he made all his designs. Making sure no one was around, he started his plans for Astrid's house. Hopefully, by tonight, he could get it done and finished. When Astrid was busy, of course. "New door..... nope. Better sky door.... maybe. Anything wrong with the house? ...... She has complained her bed is too hard... but it is nailed to the floor...." Hiccup muttered to himself, trying to come up with a good surprise. He was so focused on his thoughts and drawings, he didn't hear Gobber enter.
"What are ye working on now, Hiccup? Ye should be out Celebratin'." Gobber's accented voice made Hiccup jump.
"Oh, Hi Gobber. I was just working on a surprise." He tried to hide his papers. Gobber was too quick.
"A surprise, eh? For who?" He grabbed a couple papers. "Wait, this looks like Astrid's house. A mechanical door? New bed? Ohhh that looks comfy." Gobber shivered, imagining the bed Hiccup had drawn.
"Quiet down Gobber, the whole village would hear you!" Hiccup tried to shush him.
"Ohh right. A surprise." Gobber whispered, winking. "Ye know, I have got just the idea!"
"Yeah... ah what? You have an idea?" Hiccup was taken back.
"Yep. If you let me help, we can make a wonderful surprise for yer girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend, Gobber. But what was your idea?"
And so Gobber started explaining something to Hiccup. After a few minutes, they both smiled and went off to collect the supplies.
Later that evening, Stoik gathered everyone into the Meade Hall for the speech, and contest results. "Well well. The time has come!" He said quieting everyone. "This day, we celebrate the day my son, Hiccup, and his pet dragon, Toothless, for their bravery and skill exactly one year ago, when they save the warriors of Berk form the Red Death!" Extravagant cheering unsues, as Stoick calls Hiccup up to the platform. Stoick held a hand up to quiet the crowd. "Hiccup has asked, and I have gladly granted his request, that those who helped him in this be recognized as well. Welcome Snotlout, Astrid, Fishlegs, and the Thorston twins Tuffnut and Ruffnut!" More cheering. A lot of cheering, as the teens walked onto the platform, Tuff ridiculously bowing and Snotlout waving. Fishlegs was just shy, but Astrid was looking at Hiccup in admiration. She had known in her heart he would do this, but the fact that he actually did was all the better. Stoik continued, "I am more proud of these young people of Berk than I have ever been before, and I want you all to know that you should be too. We have Hiccup to thank for peace with the dragons, and for showing us what they truly are. Thank you Hiccup, and the rest of you as well." Stoik bowed to the teens, and the rest of the hall followed suit. Then, at a signal from Stoik, Gobber came and presented them all with a gift from himself and Stoik, on behalf of all the people of Berk. The applause didn't die until all the gifts were distributed, and some time after. To each dragon rider a saddle was given, and the crowd would not rest until the new saddles were tested. Much to the thankfulness of many, all the riders were pleased with the saddles. They were lighter weight, but built to last. "You sure knew what you were doing, Gobber." Stoik told him when the riders appeared pleased with the gifts.
"Ah, don't thank me, Stoik. Thank Hiccup, I only followed his designs that he accidentally left on the workshop table last week."
"Well, I am glad you did. I am not sure anyone else could have made better saddles than you, though."
"Heh. Quite right."
As soon as the crowd slowed down a little, Stoik once again quieted them. "People of Berk. As many of you have seen, a fair amount of houses are decorated. I was asked to turn this into a competition." The crowd gets even quieter. "Yes, and the judges have just given me the results." Stoik looked down at the long list of participants Bucket handed him. Then he appeared shocked. "Well well. It looks like the winners of the medals are..... Astrid! Astrid takes the #1!" The cheering rose and Stoik laughed. "I guessed so. Her nadder spikes lining the frame sure does have a wonderful Viking look to it." Astrid smiled and bowed. Stoik continued. "Second place is...... Hiccup!" Stoik yelled above the crowd. "And #3 is........ " At this Stoik stopped. He looked at Bucket and Mulch quizzically.
"It's right, Stoik."
"Alright! The winner of Third place is Gobber! For decorating Meade Hall! I had no clew it was decorated."
"Yep, Stoik. You have been so busy settin' things up inside that ye didn't notice I really fixed up the outside." At this the cheering lasted for what seemed an eternity to Hiccup. It was still going pretty strong when he walked out of the hall 20 minutes later.
Nearly every dragon rider's house was connected to it's dragon stable. Astrid's was on the left side of her house, but to get to it, one had to exit the house. Astrid got cold easily, and Hiccup noticed that she was never happy each morning before she had fed Stormfly and went for a flight to warm up. Especially in the winter season, which was right around the corner. Giving Hiccup a perfect chance to give her a bit of ingenuity in the form of a connecting door. Not just any door, but a door big enough for a nadder, if the need arose. Now, this would normally be a heavy door to lift, but Hiccup and Gobber really think well together, and their idea was definitely complicated. In the end, though, Hiccup would make sure it was easy to operate.
To make things better, Stoik had broke out the mead, and told the teens they deserved a good drink on this special holiday. Not much, but enough to celebrate with. Hiccup secretly disdained from drinking his, knowing well how it stunted the thinking for a time. And he would need all his thought in order for the upcoming challenge: making sure Astrid didn't find out about the surprise too early. Most of the time he was thankful that Astrid was not too keen on drinking, but this time he hoped she would find the cause justifiable.
Once most everyone was well into the partying in Meade Hall, Gobber and Hiccup quietly left, hoping no one would notice them. A few did, but Gobber made the excuse that he had a special something for Hiccup, and everyone willingly fell for that. After all, the hero of the day deserved as many special things as they would give him. Even Astrid fell for that, though she did feel a little suspicious when she realized that Gobber hadn't been drinking. But he said he needed to stay sober for a few hours more for something special (Hiccup had bribed him with promises of extra mead, knowing that was a risk he could afford to make). Quietly making their way to Astrid's house, they set to work. As quiet as possible, that is. At least everyone was almost drunk and didn't notice anything. Stormfly had to be moved temporarily to Hiccup's stable, which was difficult at first, but with Toothless as company, she didn't mind.
After two hard hours of work, the door was finished. They had cut out a large portion of the wall, hooked it up to one of Hiccup's ingenious pulley systems, and blocked all the drafts from the cuts in the wall. Testing it, Gobber found with surprise that pulling a small rope would easily lift the door up high enough for a nadder to fit through, on both sides of the wall. He shook his head in wonder at Hiccup's ingenuity. Then it was time for Hiccup to retrieve the nadder. To make things troublesome, the Vikings were beginning to wander out of the hall, in the general direction of their homes. Being as sneaky as possible (not too hard with a nadder trained in silence), Hiccup and Stormfly made their way back to Astrid's house. Half way there, Hiccup suddenly found himself face-to-face with Astrid herself.
"What are you doing with my dragon, Hiccup?!" She stormed.
Shocked, Hiccup thought quickly, trying to come up with an excuse." Uhh.. well... you know, you were all in there celebrating, and well.... I figured, uhh.. the dragons could use some exercise. Stormfly has been cooped up for hours, you know. She was itching to get out."
This made sense to Astrid (still a little fuzzy), who backed off a little. "Okay, you are right. Thanks, Hiccup. But no more. I am going to take Stormfly back." Hiccup nodded.
"Go ahead. Uhh... yeah, Astrid." He handed the rope to Astrid, who, reaching for it, tottered and fell over.
"Ahh what? Astrid? Are you okay?" Hiccup got worried. Maybe she had a little too much mead. He bent over her. She didn't move. He turned her over. She had a ridiculous smile on her face, and she began giggling. Then Hiccup realized it was after midnight, and with a head full of mead in this cold weather, she would never get to her house. "Oh well" He thought. Careful he picked her up and went to place her on Stormfly. Stormfly had a different idea. Taking her owner in her mouth, very carefully, she trotted off to her stable, lay Astrid down, and proceeded to take care of her as though Astrid were a young nadder. Keeping Astrid warm with her body heat, the nadder went to sleep, with Hiccup watching in amazement. "Well, I know Astrid's safe." He couldn't wait to tell her in the morning though, what had taken place. Grinning at the thought, he went to find Gobber to share a couple tankards of mead over the story.
Next morning even Hiccup got up early, having planned the day before a early-morning flight with Astrid and Stormfly. He got up Toothless, who was itching to go, and walked down to Astrid's house as the sun was peeking over the horizon. Most everybody would be asleep late, after such a reveling night. He hoped Astrid would remember that she had promised him the flight. He approached and knocked on her door. No answer. Hiccup went to look in the stable. Stormfly knew what was up, and slowly stood up to reveal a still-sleeping Astrid. She barely stirred when Hiccup picker her up, chuckling. Using the new door, Hiccup entered her house and placed her on her bed. Slowly, Astrid realized what he had done. "Mmm.... Hiccup. Did... you just, walk through the wall?" She mumbled with half-closed eyes. He thought for a moment, then replied, "Kind of." Accepting this, she settled further into her bed while that soaked in. And Hiccup waited for it, picking pieces of star off her.
Sure enough, after a few minutes, she blinked and sat up. Looking at him as best as she could through exhausted eyes, she asked, "What?" Ignoring the question, Hiccup asked, "Why were you drinking so much last night?" She grinned and lay back down mumbling "Oh I beat Snotlout. I sure did. A contest. He challenged me." Laughing quietly, she forced herself to wake up a little bit further. "So what are you doing here Hiccup?"
"You promised me a early morning flight, remember?"
She nodded. "Okay. Just a moment, let me figure a few things out." She looked at herself. "What is with all this straw?"
"Oh, Heheh. I will tell you later, it is a longer story."
"Okay, why don’t you let me get cleaned up a bit."
"Alright. I'll be waiting." Hiccup bowed and left the house to wait outside with the dragons.
In a few minutes, Astrid came out looking a bit more clean, having brushed all the straw off. Yawning, she climbed aboard Stormfly. "Race you." She took off.
"What?" Hiccup quickly took off and followed her. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see!" Astrid said, smiling.
In a short time they reached the sunken pond where Hiccup had made friends with Toothless, and where Astrid had really met them both. "Okay, Hiccup. I demand the full story."
"What? The full story of what?"
"You know. How were you awake so early this morning? Where were you actually taking Stormfly last night?"
"Uhh... you remember that?"
"Of course I do. Also, why did I have a bunch of straw all over be this morning?"
"Uh, well, when I was taking Stormfly out last night to stretch, and we met you coming back, well... uhh you fell over weird, and Stormfly took care of you like a young nadder. Tucked you under her wing and everything."
Astrid laughed, patting her dragon's neck. "Thanks girl. I do suppose I had a little too much mead last night. But," She looked at Hiccup. "why didn't you join in the celebrations after the speech?"
"Oh, that. Well... uh, I was busy doing other stuff. Good job on the decorations of your house." He changed the subject uncomfortably. She didn't buy it, but she didn't bother him about it.
She walked up and punched him in the arm. "As long as you don't go trying to kill yourself again. Let's go get a good view of the sunrise." Hiccup nodded.
"I know just the place." Leading the way, Hiccup flew to a small cove he had found a few days before on the east side of the island. It was a clear morning, and they could see well as the sky turned from pink to orange, then so bright they could no longer see.
After a short while, Hiccup broke the silence. "Astrid, what do you think is going to happen next?"
"What do you mean, Hiccup?" The name rolled off her tongue easily, compared to just over a year ago when saying it would have been as hard as cursing.
"Well, this is almost as important as a new year. I mean, yesterday was the anniversary of the day that changed the lives of everyone on Berk. It is as significant as though we had started a whole new year again. Will anything special happen now, like last year?"
Astrid thought carefully a bit before answering. "What would you want to happen? It isn't like Snotlout is bugging us right now, or that is what I would try to change. But nothing else comes to mind, aside from finding even more new dragons."
"I guess you are right. Life is almost perfect right now."
"Could it get any better?"
"Yeah. Just wait." He grinned and jumped onto Toothless, who had come at his hand-signal.
"What?"
"Follow me." Toothless rocketed into the air, with Stormfly close behind.
As they approached the village, Hiccup spoke again. "Remember you asked me if I had walked through the wall?"
Remembering, Astrid replied, "Yeah. My mind is foggy though. Did you really?"
"Sort of." They landed at Astrid's house. Hiccup smiled. "I lied a lot to you earlier."
"I knew it!" Astrid shot at him with a glare.
"I know. Sorry. But, it was for a good reason. I wanted this to remain a surprise." Hopping off Toothless, Hiccup walked into the stable, beckoning to Astrid. "Well, M'lady, here is a gift. Now it should be a little easier to spend time with Stormfly."
He pulled the small rope hanging from a pulley on the roof. The door swung upwards.
Astrid was speechless. She knew Hiccup had been up to something.
Hiccup read her pretty easily. "I wasn't really giving Stormfly exercise and all, I was walking her back from my house. She stayed with Toothless while me and Gobber built this for you."
Astrid just looked at him, and tried the pulley for herself. They went inside. That's when she tackled him. They tripped across the bed, and Hiccup couldn't keep his balance with Astrid pinning his arms to his side. "Hey woah! You do need a softer bed!" He exclaimed as Astrid pulled him to his feet, his back popping. Astrid just laughed. Calling Stormfly, she showed her the new door. The dragon immediately caught on to the idea. They soon found that it was harder to get her off of it. Astrid and Hiccup just laughed as Toothless became curious with it too. They would be playing with it for a while.
Astrid finally found her voice. "It's amazing, Hiccup!" But, that was all she could say. And Hiccup couldn't brace himself in time.
An Unknown Pevensie: And that is all of that part.
Kristi: I had to switch to mobile and am having trouble reading it all here. But so far I'd suggest you read it over and make sure you stay in past tense. You slipped a few times
An Unknown Pevensie: huh?
Kristi: Though I would use "she wondered where he had gone" instead of "where he went"
An Unknown Pevensie: Oh.
Kristi: You slipped into present tense
An Unknown Pevensie: I am not a grammar Nazi yet. XD
Kristi: Did you want us to be grammar Nazis?
An Unknown Pevensie: No, please.
Sir-Edward: smiley-lol
Kristi: No, please what?
Kristi: Please don't be grammar Nazis or please do ?
An Unknown Pevensie: No please don't.
An Unknown Pevensie: Like the story?
Kristi: As far as I got, yes
Sir-Edward: indeed
Ariel.of.Narnia: now that I finally managed to read it...
An Unknown Pevensie: smiley
An Unknown Pevensie: Sorry
Ariel.of.Narnia: it feels fairly "slice of life", which is nice, 'cause most fics I read are... not.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I second Kristi's suggestion on combing through it for things like spelling, grammar, and consistency.
An Unknown Pevensie: Good.
An Unknown Pevensie: Okay, yeah.
An Unknown Pevensie: About that..... I am not good at that. At all.
An Unknown Pevensie: So... I have a loooot more if you really like this.
An Unknown Pevensie: Or not, if you want someone else to take a turn
Ariel.of.Narnia: and I guess the last thing would be that there are some parts where the descriptions of stuff either runs on or isn't clear, like installing the door. I might just be tired too, but that part only half-registered.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, I did like that bit with Stormfly carrying Astrid off and keeping her warm!
Ariel.of.Narnia: and Hiccup's dialogue sounded pretty accurate. "Yeah... ah what?"
Kristi: Gobber isn't a Viking?
An Unknown Pevensie: Sure he is..........
An Unknown Pevensie: @ Ariel: XD Good.
Kristi: Then why does he have a different accent?
An Unknown Pevensie: I am not too sure what to do about it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: for some reason, only the adults have accents, if that's what's tripping you up about Gobber
An Unknown Pevensie: @Kristi: Uhh.. well only Stoick and Gobber actually have Viking accents, really.
Kristi: I'm just thinking aloud...yeah, I know Stoick has one and Hiccup doesn’t
Kristi: So it might be weird if Hiccup noticed his Dad's accent...so...maybe a similar word, to indicate his distinct voice? Just a thought
Kristi: Astrid: Foolish Californian. We inherit our accents when we turn thirty.
An Unknown Pevensie: @Kristi: Yeah actually. I should figure out where to do that.
An Unknown Pevensie: XD
Kristi: What I've read seems good. I didn't quite understand why they were decorating the houses… I wasn't even sure if they might be gingerbread houses for a bit there
Ariel.of.Narnia: So far as the run-on/unclear parts, it's just a matter of smoothing things out, tightening others (eg: is there more concise way of putting this thought into words?), and using "strong" nouns and verbs (eg: use nouns and verbs that are in themselves descriptive, such as "tiptoeing" or "sneaking" instead of "walking quietly". it's just something in writing we all have to deal with.
Ariel.of.Narnia: but again, I did like the "slice of life" feel you have happening.
An Unknown Pevensie: @Kristi: Oh, I might not have put in the part that mentioned the house decorating contests.
An Unknown Pevensie: @Ariel: Yeah, I know sorta what you mean, but I wasn't intent on using it here as I was focused on making it HTTYD-style.
An Unknown Pevensie: Thanks. I like writing it better.
Kristi: Oh, that's ok then
An Unknown Pevensie: smiley
Kristi: Though if Hiccup touched something I just built without my permission I might murder him
Kristi: But what I see looks charming
An Unknown Pevensie: Good.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: ha! Point. Especially since this is Astrid we're talking about...
Kristi: Slice of life...if only there were fics with Jixton folding Vader's socks...
An Unknown Pevensie: ikr
Kristi: Well, you don't touch someone else's art. This is Verboten
Ariel.of.Narnia: nope
An Unknown Pevensie: And I gtg very very soon.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I think this is a good spot to dismiss writers' and call it a night, actually. it's quite late.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Thank ya'll for participating! Writers' dismissed!
~ Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:25 pm
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Kristi: Hello world
Ariel.of.Narnia: hey!
Ariel.of.Narnia: I have part two of my story, but am working on part three as well. Wanna go first?
[Kristi shares, removed by request]
Kristi: Share yours?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Again, super-rough draft, haven't read it over. Any edits will be done on the fly here
~ Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: Shells and gunfire wove in and out of Charlie’s consciousness until he finally found himself able to think again. Had he fallen asleep at all? It sure felt like it. If nothing else, he didn’t recall feeling any pain for the last bit. Of course, it flared right up again when he shifted his position. He started again at the sight of his fallen comrade– Butch Campbell, was his name, Charlie recalled now. Butch of the broad shoulders and even broader grin. Butch of the keen eye and steady hand. Butch the strong in body and even stronger in heart. Butch Campbell, the man who saved Charlie’s life, perhaps at the cost of his own.
Charlie remembered being hit, then a shout and a hand pulling him down. He didn’t remember what followed; he must have blacked out. But he did remember that he was in the open at the time, right on the surface. Butch must have dragged him into this hole for a semblance of shelter before he lost his own life.
The quiet was a relief from the constant noise of war, but Charlie found no comfort in it. There was nothing to concentrate on. Three places on his abdomen stuck him with invisible needles when he breathed. Thin wisps of sickly grey blew over head every now and again, fading into the even greyer sky. His broken arm throbbed with every heartbeat. A few yards away, flames licked up what remained of a tree. His right leg was the worst: Charlie was sure that it would have shrieked at him if it had a mouth of its own. The best he could do was moan on its behalf, but that always triggered the needle-pricking in his torso. And then there was Butch. Butch would have broken the silence. The best Charlie could do was give a humourless chuckle on his behalf.
He laughed. Laughed for Butch’s wasted fitness and spirit. Laughed for his own pathetic survival. Laughed for the madness that drove men to end each other.
His aches subsided and even his leg’s voiceless screams quieted. His eyelids drooped. /“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.”/ Another dark gurgle released itself from his throat. As a child, he had imagined great, white-winged angels carrying the souls of the dead in their arms to Heaven. /“If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”/
But what would set foot on the unholy ground of Hacksaw Ridge?
(break, part three)
Voices murmured, far, far away. Soft footfalls carried them closer, little by little. The angels had come after all and Charlie was going home, home to Heaven at last. Should he call out to them? No, they would know to collect him. He would wait patiently and simply look upon them until they came for him. But try as he might, Charlie could not pry his eyes open. His eyelids were just too heavy, his will too weak.
The voices were nearly on top of him now, but he could not understand them. Perhaps that was to be expected. Didn’t the Apostle Paul speak of the “tongues of s”? There was a rustle to his right: one of them must have taken up Butch. But no heavenly hand took up Charlie. Their footsteps passed him by.
He tried to call after them, but he could not summon his voice. He tried to reach for them, but his arm protested vehemently.
If he was dead, shouldn’t he no longer feel pain?
Before he could decide, a shout jolted him from his stupor. The sharp rap of gunfire that followed reawakened every stab of pain his body had to offer. Charlie forced his eyes open.
Opposite him, on the rim of his hole, were a few men whose backs were turned to him. Charlie didn’t know what God’s angels looked like, but he was certain they didn’t look like gun-toting Japanese soldiers. The only angels out here were angels of death.
His Sunday school recitation came back to him: /“‘A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.’”/
And just like the children of Israel all those years ago, he’d been passed over. (break, part four not yet written)
Kristi: meep
Kristi: *claps*
Ariel.of.Narnia:]
Kristi: I think there's a little cleanup to do here:
Kristi: He started again at the sight of his fallen comrade– Butch Campbell, was his name, Charlie recalled now. Butch of the broad shoulders and even broader grin. Butch of the keen eye and steady hand. Butch the strong in body and even stronger in heart. Butch Campbell, the man who saved Charlie’s life, perhaps at the cost of his own.
Kristi: you don't need a comma in "Butch Campbell was his name"
Ariel.of.Narnia: whoop
Kristi: And I would consider changing "Butch the strong in body" to "Butch, strong in body"
Ariel.of.Narnia: mmhm
Kristi: very minor things. I like it.
Kristi: Who did come for Butch?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *makes a note to clarify that*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll have to put in something about how the Japanese moved his body. flipped him over or something
Kristi: Seems late for his side to get his body out if they were losing.
Kristi: yeah.
Kristi: And if it had been angels, then Charlie should have seen him again after he thought he'd been taken
Ariel.of.Narnia: *grins and keeps quiet*
Ariel.of.Narnia: yeah, I'm gonna have to mention Butch again
Kristi: Was he the hero of the film?
Ariel.of.Narnia: no, they're both OCs
Kristi: Oh, ok
Kristi: Well I think you're doing a great job with them
Ariel.of.Narnia: if you have the time, can you tell me what it is you like about what I'm doing?
Kristi: I felt like I was right there with the character, but it didn't feel too graphic at the same time
Kristi: I liked the verses, they didn't feel forced
Kristi: I was less confused this time that I was by the falling tree
Kristi: ooc and
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh, okay! That makes more sense. Thank you for your comments! I'll go over it again before I write part four.
~ Writer’s dismissified ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:13 am
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Kristi: Hullo!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *squeals her tires coming in*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hey
Kristi: Do you have anything to share?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I do have something from Jaygee.
Kristi: Ok
Kristi: why didn't JG come?
Ariel.of.Narnia: She can't come herself to Writers' is all I know
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, so this is chapter two of her fantasy story.
Ariel.of.Narnia: (and she also said, "Oh, and if anyone has a better name for the country/world than "Merjal" (please don't ask how I came up with it; I don't even know.
), I'll gladly take suggestions. ")~ Jaygee shares ~
(Ariel sharing for Jaygee)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Elias’s bedroom door creaked open in the middle of the night, followed by the young man’s head poking out. A quick glance up and down the hall informed him that there was no one around. He pulled the door the rest of the way open and tiptoed toward the library. Despite the candle in his hand, he needed no light for that section of the journey; he had been going to the library since he knew how to read. The castle was silent, unnerving and encouraging him at the same time. Finally, he arrived at his destination.
The locked door proved to be no hindrance, as Elias possessed the key. The bolt gave way with a frighteningly loud squeal. His heart came close to pounding out of his chest as he attuned his ears to the surroundings, hoping that no one had heard.
After several agonizing minutes, he concluded that he was safe from discovery. A quiet sigh escaped his lips as he stepped inside, pushing the door so that it barely hung ajar. Here was where he needed his candle, for there was no way for light to enter the room at that time of night. He passed the well-beloved shelves containing his favorite volumes. At last he arrived at the very end of the aisles of bookshelves. Glancing around, he located a stool nearby that he dragged over to use to reach the top ledge. Elias carefully began to remove all the books, opening each to see is any was hollow. Finally, he found it.
He held the book as he reverently, carefully removed the long parchment. King Reginald’s seal sat emblazoned on the page, holding the document closed. Slipping the papers under his arm and covering them with his cloak, he turned to stare at the door that hid the books that had been declared “unfit for the knowledge of the general public.” Very few people were granted entrance into that room. Elias happened to be one of those people. As he spun the keys around on his ring, he gripped the extra keys to ensure that they didn’t jingle.
He drew a deep and shaky breath, staring at the door. His brain told him that this was foolish, that nothing in there was worth reading, that he should just leave. His legs began to move without his permission, his hands trembled as he lifted the key, and after several tries, his attempts paid off as it slid into the lock. The bolt slid free, despite the quivering of his hands. The door scraped the ground as it swung open.
This room was even dimmer than the rest of the library, the small candle doing little to dispel the darkness. Elias stepped carefully into the room, taking one footstep larger than the rest to avoid the creaking plank he knew was there. Lifting his candle high, he observed the three bookshelves that lined three of the walls. He lit the lantern hanging on a hook beside the door. A bit more light now aided his search. Elias began scouring the books, occasionally pulling one out to take back to his chambers to read.
Finally, with four extra books and a parchment in tow, he exited the library, leaving no trace of his having been there besides the missing volumes. Sliding out the door as silently as he had entered it, he nearly ran back to his room, only slowing at corners so he could ensure no one had spotted him. Upon reaching his chamber, he slammed the door closed (quietly). He opened his wardrobe and hid the books deep inside. While he was extremely curious about the manuscripts and document, he also knew that he would fall asleep at breakfast the next morning if he stayed awake any longer. So, with a sigh, he crawled in bed and was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.
Ariel.of.Narnia: (chapter break) would you like to make any comments yet or shall I continue on with the next section?
Kristi: I have comments
Ariel.of.Narnia: okay, shoot
Kristi: ok, so he's been going to the library since he knew how to read and the squeaking door is new to him?
Kristi: or is it just that he normally goes in daylight?
Kristi: also, what kind of library in any period of time would lack a candle or something to light?
Kristi: also, just saying 'he found it' seems a bit bland. If this is something he's never seen before, give me a little more about the search, his frustration, the kind of book that contained the secret.
Kristi: If it's not the first time, then reference that. "He found the volume with the gold-embossed iris on the spine" or whatever
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Kristi: Saying he spun the key on the ring implies a disregard for noise. You can't first say you spun the keys and then say they don't jingle because he's holding the rest. Any key more than one will make a noise if spun, and they couldn't spin far in that posture...maybe she meant he turned the keys to reuse them
Kristi: wait...no...if he has to sneak into that portion of the library, then how does he know there's a creaking plank?
Kristi: no trace except the missing volumes and the diminished candle
Kristi: but that might be overkill
Kristi: what's the time period?
Ariel.of.Narnia: fantasy, I assume medieval
Kristi: a-choo
Ariel.of.Narnia: bless you
Kristi: bother...I seem to be allergic to pixie dust
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nixes Tinkerbell prank off her list*
Kristi: ok, if it's medieval and we're talking illuminated manuscripts...
Kristi: ...he's carrying FOUR? And a scroll? And a candle?
Kristi: Hummy: He has gorilla arms.
Kristi: Tension Opportunity: consider having him hear a sound or see a light outside the door, or have to wait before he can go back to his room.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I had also noted these contradictory bits.
One thing that bothered me was what sounds like an overabundance of words in some sentences. For example, the one about the stool he finds and uses to reach a high shelf. It was kind of rough to read. If sections like these could be condensed or trimmed, it would help the reading experience.
In addition, there were some adjectives and adverbs that were unnecessary, like the "frighteningly loud squeal". Trimming out some of these would be a great help. Adjectives and adverbs are great, but if you can, make the most of strong nouns and verbs.
Kristi: but, on the whole, it seems good. I lack context, so I don't know what he just found...it seems strange he didn't stay awake long enough to read something secret though. And it might be a little strange to be stealing other books at a time when that should be his primary focus.
Kristi: *nods*
Kristi: Well, she's loads better than the guy at my group when he describes battles between the gods in painstaking detail and super-short sentences
Kristi: "Athena punched him nine times. Hades sunk into the ground nine inches."
Ariel.of.Narnia: Does he play RPG’s by any chance?
Kristi: "Dude...you have to stop being this weirdly specific..."
Kristi: Uh...I don't know. I don't think so.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snorks*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, ready for the next section?
Kristi: It might be a language barrier thing
Kristi: sure!
Ariel.of.Narnia: The next afternoon, Elias managed to find time to lock himself in his room to read the parchment and begin one of the books. The document was first on his list, so he withdrew his letter opener and slid it underneath the seal, pushing it upward away from the back of the parchment. Once the seal was broken, he eagerly but carefully opened the paper. Scanning the words, he saw exactly what his father had said it would contain: the draft of a law to legalize the worship of the One in Merjal. It contained no true, official protection or freedom of religion clauses, but it certainly would have been a start.
“Well, there’s that; what did Father want me to see in the books?” He reached for the oldest-appearing volume. A musty smell filled the room as he carefully cracked it open, being mindful of the old and fragile pages. He began to devour the neatly written script, script that likely hadn’t been seen by anyone in over three hundred years. The book was apparently a record of the history of Merjal when the Faithful had been ruling. As he drew closer to the end, the dates grew closer to the date of the coup, which he had of course studied in length. However, all the books he had ever seen started with that date; this history included stories and accounts that he had never even heard of. His hopes of reading of the causes behind the conflict were dashed when he reached the end of the book, leaving one hundred years of information he hadn’t known about.
Elias was reaching for the next book in chronological order when a knock on his door startled him.
“Elias?”
His heart pounding, Elias hurriedly slipped the books and decree back into their hiding place. “Elias? Are you in there?”
“Just a second!” he called, closing his wardrobe. He opened the door. “Hello, Jonathan. Is something wrong?”
“No, but Roald suggested the three of us go for a ride, like old times.”
“Like old times,” Elias agreed softly, his gaze drifting to the floor.
“Do you want to go?” Jonathan prompted him.
Elias looked back up at his best friend. “Give me five minutes.” He closed the door and let out a slow sigh of relief. “That…was…close.” He bit his lip. /I wonder… if Jonathan had caught me reading those books… would he have said anything to Ularon? He shrugged. It doesn’t matter, I suppose, because, first of all, he didn’t see me, and second, I’m allowed to read them… so why am I hiding them?/ He couldn’t rationalize his secrecy, but somehow he felt as though things would not go well for him if he was discovered. Shaking himself out of his reverie, he began to ready for his ride.
Ariel.of.Narnia: (chapter break) comments or continue?
Kristi: "oldest-appearing" sounds awkward. oldest looking would be fine.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Agreed.
Kristi: I wonder if freedom of religion clauses is a bit modern in terminology? A bit too American?
Kristi: Intriguing premise
Kristi: Bit of Prince Caspian there, but used differently
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm curious about the size of the first book and how concise it is. I know when my Dad was a new Christian, he devoured Genesis and Exodus in a short amount of time, but it would have taken him longer than just an afternoon. Just putting that out there.
Kristi: Oh, that kind of book. Then maybe I see why he'd have grabbed them. I wonder what he grabbed and if he was confused by the order or anything
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I don't know if these books are their "Bible" or not. All she says is "history".
Kristi: ok
Kristi: Continue
Ariel.of.Narnia: Elias met Jonathan and Roald at the stables where they were just preparing to mount their horses. “Ah, Elias! There you are!” Roald called.
“Sire. I thought that I told Jonathan that I would be a few minutes.” Elias gave his friend a pointed look.
“I confess that he did, sire,” Jonathan replied with a twinkle in his eye.
Roald sighed and whispered, “Come on. Let’s get out of here quickly, before Ularon catches us sneaking away.”
“And by ‘us,’ you mean you.” Elias swiftly swung his leg over the side of his horse.
“Well, he does tend to give me more paperwork than he does you two.”
Jonathan shrugged. “True.” He glanced around to ensure that no one else was close enough to hear their conversation before leaning close to the other two boys. “Want to race once we’re out of sight?”
“Oh, yes,” Roald agreed with a mischievous grin on his face.
“Of course,” Elias echoed.
“And you two are not allowed to let me win, understood?”
“Perfectly,” the other two chorused. The three boys slowly and sedately guided their horses out of the courtyard of the castle, nodding to the gatekeeper as they did so. The instant the gate had closed behind them, however, Jonathan turned to his companions, a smile spreading across his face. “First one to the glade wins. On your mark…”
“Get set…” Roald continued.
“Go!” Elias shouted, digging his heels into his horse’s flanks. All three horses shot forward simultaneously. Whoops and laughter filled the air as Jonathan pulled ahead of his companions. “Oh, no, you don’t!” Elias called, spurring his mount onward.
Soon Roald had caught up with Jonathan, and the two were neck and neck. Elias pushed his horse forward as the boys entered the woods at the edge of the plain in which the castle was situated. A log lay in the road before them. Roald easily cleared it, but Jonathan’s horse shied when he should have made the jump. Elias seized the possibility and quickly passed Jonathan. “Hey!” his friend called as he was left in the dust.
“You’d have done the same!” Elias responded as he increased the distance between them. Roald rode just ahead of him. Suddenly, a rabbit jumped out of a bush directly in front of Roald. His horse reared. Elias effortlessly caught up with him, but Roald recovered in time to continue beside his friend. Both thundered into a clearing at the same time. They reined in their horses and walked them in a circle to cool them off.
“Good race, Elias,” the king congratulated.
“Same to you,” Elias replied. Jonathan rushed into the glade just then. “Glad you could join us,” Elias greeted him.
“Oh, hush. But you did do well.”
“Thanks.”
Roald dismounted and tied his horse to a nearby branch. His stomach growled loudly. “Did anyone pack anything to eat?”
Elias joined him on the ground. “I certainly didn’t.”
Jonathan sighed and slipped down. “I did, seeing as how we always seem to get hungry after any kind of race.”
“It is funny how that works.” Elias laughed.
“Indeed. Even when, like now, we didn’t exert ourselves in any way besides goading our horses onward,” Roald agreed, lounging on the green grass, his arms cushioning his head.
Jonathan withdrew and opened a package containing three thick sandwiches with ham and cheese piled high between each slice of bread. “Why am I always the one who thinks of these things?” He handed one to each of his friends.
“Because you’re the oldest and most responsible,” Elias countered. He bit into his sandwich. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. And just because you’re the youngest doesn’t mean you can’t be responsible.”
“Why should I be? I’ve got you to remind me.”
Roald snorted. “Exactly my point. Since you’re willing to be the responsible one, why should the two of us bother?”
Jonathan plopped down on the ground beside them. “You, Roald, really do need to be more responsible. I know my father has talked to you about that before.”
“Yes, yes, he has. I tend to ignore him.”
“He is right about one thing though; you are king. You should be accountable for what occurs in your kingdom.”
Roald cast a sideways glance at him. “Can we stop talking about that? There is a reason I like to get away every now and then.”
Elias nodded. “Yes, let’s pretend that we’re carefree children again. Perhaps without the insane stunts we used to perform, though.”
Roald chuckled. “Do you remember the time you hung on the top branch of a tree by your knees?”
“Because you suggested it! But yes, I remember. I also remember the branch shattering and me falling and breaking my arm.”
Jonathan smiled. “Remember the time we strung a rope across a raging river and Roald was the first to try to get to the other side?”
“It snapped and you had to dive in after him. Both of you caught pneumonia and we were all grounded. I really remember that one,” Elias replied.
The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon lying in the minimal amount of sunlight that the thick branches allowed to filter through them. Finally, as sunset drew near, they decided that they should probably return to the castle soon. Elias especially wanted to go back, because he needed to get some sleep before continuing to read the forbidden books.
As they began to leave, Elias heard hoof beats approaching them. “Someone’s coming!” he hissed, swiftly drawing his sword. The other two followed suit, with Elias and Jonathan pushing a protesting Roald behind them. The horse and rider finally appeared in front of them. “Well, at least you two have enough sense to protect your king.”
“We were just returning, Father,” Jonathan replied, his shoulders sagging in relief as he sheathed his sword.
“And whose idea was it to spend the entire day worrying the whole castle by disappearing?”
“It was mine, General.” Roald shoved his friends out of his way. “So don’t blame Jonathan or Elias. All they did was agree to come with me.”
“You should have known better than that, Sire. What if something had happened to the three of you? No one knew that you were gone, and once we found you missing, no one knew where you were. Thankfully, I knew where the three of you were likely hiding.”
“Father, we weren’t hiding!” Jonathan refuted. “We just wanted to spend some time together, and since you’ve been keeping Roald extremely busy lately, we had to sneak away, but I knew you would be able to guess where we were!”
“Still, all three of you could have been attacked by the Faithful and murdered! I will not tolerate disobedience in this matter any longer, from any of you!”
Elias sighed and mounted his horse. /The trip back to the castle just became longer./ As Ularon continued to berate all of them, he restated that thought. /Much longer. I wonder how long his speech will take and if he’ll let us go in time for me to get to bed earlier./
Since the general was too busy lecturing and the three boys were too busy listening, none of the four noticed the deep green eyes staring at them from within the bushes nor did they hear the soft shing and click of a sword returning to its sheath. The hidden figure slowly crept back into the deep woods.
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end
Kristi: Do the eyes accompany auburn hair?
Kristi: Because then they are evil, per Nina
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snickers*
Kristi: *doesn't recall giving Lenise green eyes...*
Kristi: So, 'grounded' feels a bit modern
Ariel.of.Narnia: Maybe Nina just has something against auburn hair
Ariel.of.Narnia: Definitely thought that too
Kristi: If the boys are wary enough to draw swords at a sound that could easily be dad, but not wary enough not to go alone, I worry about their consistency and understanding of the threat
Kristi: Nina has auburn hair
Ariel.of.Narnia: Forgot to mention this for the previous section, but it applies here too: I felt absolutely no tension at any point until that spark of mystery with that green-eyed watcher at the end
Kristi: Fair point
Kristi: Also the top branch of most trees can't hold weight
Kristi: at least have them worried about getting in trouble for sneaking out
Kristi: Or have the horse shie and nearly throw the kid
Ariel.of.Narnia: Besides the obvious tension opportunities of sneaking out and then being found by the general, tension can also be created in the race. That was where I was hoping to feel some, but it felt like a play-by-play of who was ahead rather than an in-the-moment immersion in the competitive moment, if that makes sense.
Kristi: Or have their be a real reason for them to get jumpy enough to draw their swords...some sounds before hand...nerves creeping up...louder noise OYMYGOSHWEREGONNADIE and draw their swords and...thank goodness, it's only dad...but wait! It wasn't.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snickers*
Ariel.of.Narnia: That would definitely add tension to the end!
Kristi: Yeah, that's kinda what the fightings gods scene go like. "Then Hera hit Apollo. Apollo grabbed Aphrodite and swung her by her ankle. Apollo did a flip and..."
Kristi: I think that could really help the scene. She hints at it, she could just play it better.
Kristi: The animals might go quiet...though with boys it probably would anyway
Ariel.of.Narnia: If it helps, Jaygee, what Kristi just suggested works on me. First time I read Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo is being chased by Nazgul, then he makes it to Bree, then a dark figure jumped the gate after them. I stopped there for the night and couldn't sleep for an hour because I just /knew/ it was a Nazgul. Turned out it was Aragorn.
Kristi: Was it? I never thought that was Aragorn! :O
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm pretty sure Aragorn said it was him... it's been a while
Ariel.of.Narnia: Though I was suspicious of Aragorn until the Knife in the Dark, so, him jumping the gate rather than a Nazgul did little to allay my fears about Frodo's health.
Kristi: Some corrupt man
Kristi: I'm gonna have to reread. Not convinced
Kristi: Haven't you read MN? Good guys use the gate!
Ariel.of.Narnia: You're making me question myself now. :/ (*snork* true)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway, any further comments for Jaygee?
Kristi: Well maybe I'm wrong!
Kristi: Hmm, I don't think so. Promising premise. I think I approve
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey-dokey! *copies all of the above for log*
[Kristi shared, removed by request]
Kristi: Ok, your turn!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. The only background info you need is that this is WWII
~ Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: /Broad green leaves whispered overhead, their movement causing the dots of yellow sunlight to dance across the laps of the other children and the Book in Mr. Graham’s hands. Charlie tugged a little at the tie Momma had secured around his neck for the occasion, then carefully clasped his hands behind his back and began to recite. “‘He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust.’”/
/A cloud forced the dancing sunlight away and the leaves’ chatter intensified. Great raindrops found their way through the canopy to sting his cheeks. The great tree cracked with a sound like thunder and – /
Charlie woke with a start. There was no tree to pin him down, no rain to soak him through, no leaves fluttering in the wind, no Sunday school class around him. But there was a cloud. An acrid, black plume that dissipated into the blanket of foul grey above. Another crack filled the air and a flaming comet landed only a few yards away before the resulting explosion pelted him with dirt. The sharp pattering that followed was drowned out a moment later by another thunderous clap. Reality set in and Charlie wished to goodness he’d woken up to a tree on his chest.
How long had he been out? Just a few seconds? A few minutes? Surely it could not have been a few hours. Charlie grimaced as a shot of pain commanded his full attention. He tried to raise himself to find the source, but his body refused to cooperate and ordered him to try something – anything – else. His left arm would not be persuaded to move more than a little, so he sent his right hand to investigate. His upper arm burned like fire when his hand brushed against it, but he forced himself to feel the area until he decided on a diagnosis of a broken bone. In a panic, he patted his face, chest, belly, and what he could reach of his legs without triggering another spasm of pain. His hand returned red, but he was too numb to remember where it might have come from. An attempt to sit up again threw him back down on the ashen earth, gasping and writhing.
Medic. He needed a medic. Where were the medics? For that matter, where was anyone? Would they hear him if he called out? He needed a medic. Would a medic come for him? Would another soldier take him? Where were the medics?
Another shell exploded to his right, though not close enough to rain down debris. What /was/ close to him on that side was a body. Charlie yelped and tried to scoot himself away, but he was already cornered by the walls of earth against which he lay. He screwed his eyes shut and turned his face away. /Oh, God…./ He retched, sending another wave of pain through him. His face was wet, though he didn’t remember tears welling up. /God… God, please get me out of here. Send a medic./
The only answer was the booming of shells. Charlie huddled up as much as his yet-unidentified wound allowed. He covered his ears and tried to return to his shaded Sunday school memory. “He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wing shalt thou trust –” He cringed as another shell screamed overhead. “Thou shalt not be afraid of for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day….”
Ariel.of.Narnia: And that's all I've got
Kristi: *munches popcorn*
Kristi: It's like the Early Adventures of Charles Montgomery Morton!
Ariel.of.Narnia: ?
Kristi: Hee. In EveningStar's Narnia stories, after the Pevensies disappear, there's a prophecy that the next king will fall from the sky and bear the mark of the crown.
Kristi: Charles Montgomery Morton of the RAF (eagle and crown symbol) has to bail out of his plane during an air strike
Kristi: lands in Narnia.
Kristi: I liked him.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ahh
Kristi: Actually, I was thrown for a moment. Was completely my fault. I read what you said about WWII and then promptly forgot. So I went from "Wow, this little boy is really good at scripture, but maybe it's long ago like Tom Sawyer or whenever" and suddenly things were falling from the sky and I thought we'd hit the apocalypse. :/
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol
Kristi: So...not much to complain about...how complex would scripture memorization have been then? Probably that's reasonable...
Kristi: I liked your used of the word commanded
Ariel.of.Narnia: I may end up going with something easier than KJV, haven't decided yet.
I seriously have no idea what Sunday schools were like in the... '20s-30s. I'm honestly just guessing here.
(I also don't know how old young!Charlie is, though he's probably not five )Kristi: 'commanded his attention"
Ariel.of.Narnia: what'd you like about it?
Kristi: I sometimes thing I use the most common turns of phrase when there are better ways to say things, like that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: oh.
Ariel.of.Narnia: well, thank you
Kristi: You didn't just say "he could think of nothing but the pain in his leg"
Kristi: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: So any comments on improvements? Tensions to build? Bits to clean up?
Kristi: Not much...
Kristi: You've got irony
Kristi: "Thou shalt not be afraid of for "
Kristi: Also...this guy was apparently pinned by a tree when he was young? I'm guessing readers will know what that's about?
Kristi: And why they're sitting outdoors for Sunday School on a rainy day?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *fixes the typo* thanks for that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oookay, I need to revisit the dream
Ariel.of.Narnia: The dream is supposed to be memory up until the storm and the tree falling. The latter part is supposed to be his transition to reality.
Kristi: Yeah, I think so
Kristi: I think that's all I have for you
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, thanks for reading and offering your comments.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Maybe I'll have part two for next week? Maybe? Possibly?
Kristi: That would be fun
Ariel.of.Narnia: So I think that closes us up for the night. Writers' dismissed!
~ Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Mon Nov 14, 2016 10:39 pm
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Ariel.of.Narnia: So, Kristi, it's just the two of us sharing today. Would you like to go first?
Kristi shares; removed by request
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, is anyone here (besides Elanor) familiar both with Marvel (specifically Captain America 2) and Big Hero 6?
Ariel.of.Narnia: 'cause if not, I'll have to explain a couple things.
Alice TtLG: I've heard about them..
Kristi: I saw the first CA. Haven't seen Big Hero 6
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So, bit of backstory time!
Ariel.of.Narnia: In Cap 2, Nick Fury is in his SHIELD-issued SUV when he is ambushed. The car takes a /ton/ of damage (bullet holes, other cars crashing into it, etc) but is able to take it due to whatever shielding that thing has.
Ariel.of.Narnia: In Big Hero 6, one of the characters, Wasabi, has a old van that also (almost) survives a car chase that, I don't think, a real-life car would handle so well. So I wondered about the possibility of his car being an old and former SHIELD car... and the story happened.
Ariel.of.Narnia: As Wasabi is a nickname, I've taking the liberty of giving him a real name, Tyrone.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So here goes.
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia:There was a ring of the doorbell at the Mitchell residence.
“I’ll get it, Mom. It’s probably the car.”
Leslee nodded and smiled. “Go on then, Ty.”
She watched her boy leave the room and patted down another immaculately folded shirt into his suitcase. “Her boy”, indeed, full-grown and off to the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology in just a couple days. On a scholarship too – a little one, perhaps, but she knew he had a lot of competition, so even a small scholarship was a token of his worthiness to attend. She opened his closet to fetch his suit. /Yes/, she told herself as she ran her fingers over the suit’s broad shoulders, /my boy’s all grown up./ Leslee peeked out the window, where she could see Tyrone and the seller discussing the vehicle. She paused. /Is that…?/
Ariel.of.Narnia:(line break, pov switch)
Ariel.of.Narnia: The vehicle was an unimpressive, old – not cool-old, but outdated-old –, yellow thing with hardly a hood and even less of a trunk, enforcing the van’s already-boxy shape. /What was I thinking?!/ Tyrone chastised himself. /This is what I get for advertising on Fujiji. And for rejecting all other responses for this too-good-to-be-true one. Now it’s too late to find something else!/ The car’s owner was more impressive, in a potential-gangster sort of way. He was tall like Tyrone, dressed in black, and not particularly personable. Or maybe he just seemed that way with his very serious mouth and the concealment afforded by his large sunglasses and facial hair. At any rate, he didn’t seem the type to own a vehicle like this.
“She’s a limited-edition McKee Rave,” he was saying. “You could almost say that line was a custom make. Highly specialized, very hard to lay hands on.”
“Specialized?” Tyrone asked.
The owner – Doyle was what he introduced himself as – laid a hand, almost reverently, on the van’s roof. “The Rave performed very well in test runs before the line was released. I know from experience that the results were not exaggerated.”
“It’s been in accidents?” /How am I supposed to trust this thing?! What if it breaks down? Or falls apart?/
Doyle passed his hand over a dent in the back-right door. “What you see here is the aftermath of a nigh-on T-boning. Even, say, the McKee Sahara would have taken greater damage at that hit.”
/Huh. That’s pretty good, I guess. But that dent –/
“But she hasn’t seen much damage and I’ve always had her fixed up good and proper. You said you were going off to university in the next day or two, right?”
“Thursday.”
“I know a good mechanic just down the way. I’ll have that dent fixed up before you leave Thursday.”
“I haven’t said I’ll buy the car yet,” Tyrone reminded him.
Doyle paused for a moment to regard him. At least, Tyrone thought that’s what he did, but the pause was too brief to really be sure. “If you want to hop into the driver’s side, I’ll show you some of the interior features.”
Tyrone opened the driver’s door and immediately looked for a way to adjust the seat. To his surprise, there were no levers, just buttons to direct the seat’s mechanisms. Definitely not what he expected from this obviously older vehicle.
Doyle leaned over to slide the key into the ignition. “Now, most of the car is pretty standard stuff – mirror controls, wipers, all that – but this is where the real features are….” He navigated the touchscreen above the radio and went on about the smart GPS that analyzed traffic, the basic self-diagnosis system that would notify of necessary fill-ups or repairs, how it had “pretty much everything except Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, and an AI”.
Tyrone chuckled along at the joke and decided not to mention the fact that he could clearly see symbols for Bluetooth and Wi-Fi on the screen. Besides, he had something else he wanted to bring up. “So how old is this car, exactly?” Doyle turned to look at him. The way he did so, for whatever reason, creeped out Tyrone a little.
“Almost twenty years.”
He could feel his eyes bug. “So… you just souped it up?”
Doyle raised a hand palm-up in a sort of shrug. “It’s a good car. Why get rid of it when all it needs are a few upgrades?”
/If that’s the case…./ “May I ask why you are selling it now?”
Doyle’s hand shrugged again. “I’ve had to cut back on some things. Economies have to be made. Just the way it is.”
/Oh. Maybe I should say I’m sorry for asking…?/ “Mind if I take it for a test drive?”
Doyle almost smiled. “Be my guest.”
Ariel.of.Narnia:(line break, pov switch, fast forward a couple days)
Ariel.of.Narnia: It was nearly noon on Thursday. “He said he’d be here half an hour ago,” Tyrone announced to the living room window.
Leslee quit her pacing to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe he just got held up.”
“Or the car broke down.”
“You said it seemed alright, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but it /is/ old….”
Leslee turned him to face her. “He will come and you’ll make it to the university safe and in plenty of time to set up your dorm room before orientation tomorrow.”
His shoulders relaxed under her touch. “Thanks, Mom.” The doorbell rang and they both looked out the window to see the boxy McKee Rave sitting on the curb. “I’ll get it.”
Leslee stepped into the kitchen to prepare a take-out box with jasmine rice, stir-fry, wasabi, and freshly-fried chicken – Tyrone’s favourite way of marrying Asian and Southern cuisine. She sighed as she realized that she wouldn’t hear him say that as often as she was accustomed to.
“I’m ready, Mom.”
Tyrone stood before her, suitcase at his side and duffel bag on his shoulder. /My boy’s all grown up/, she reminded herself. “Well, let’s get you off then!” she said, rounding the counter and snatching up his messenger bag from the dining table.
“Oh! I’ll take that, I forgot all about it.”
Leslee hefted the bag. “Nonsense. Go on and pack up the car!” Tyrone obeyed and she followed him out. Suddenly, the weight of the bag was lifted away entirely.
“Allow me.” Still wearing the sunglasses and black jacket from a couple days back, the seller shouldered the bag himself and offered a crooked smile.
Leslee set a hand over her heart for a moment, but all she said was, “Thank you,” before the two of them joined Tyrone at the vehicle where he was checking off a list on his notepad.
“Suitcase, check. Duffel, check. Tool kit… already in the back, check.” He took the messenger bag from the seller and set it on the passenger seat. “Laptop, power cord, etc., check.”
“And lunch, check,” Leslee finished for him. She watched his eyes light up when he checked the contents of the take-out box. “Best of both worlds, just the way you like it.”
The seller took a deep sniff as well. “Nothing like a good, Southern-fried chicken.”
Leslee eyed him, then ignored him when Tyrone wrapped her in a big hug. “Thanks, Mom. For everything.”
“Drive safe, Ty. Do well and make friends. Love you.”
“I love you too.” Then, turning to the seller, he shook his hand. “Pleasure doing business with you, Mr Doyle.”
The seller nodded. “Take care.”
Tyrone got into his new-old car and it was all Leslee could do to hold back the tears that threatened to spill on her. Only when the ugly yellow thing had turned a corner did she stop waving to wipe at her eyes. The seller, too, no longer looked to the street, but at her. She sniffled and gave him a bit of a chuckle. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way, you know.”
“I know.”
“You didn’t tell him, did you?”
“No.”
She drew back her shoulders and looked him straight in the eye – or she would have, had the glasses not prevented her. “It’s been a long time, Nick.”
He nodded ever-so-slightly. “Almost twenty years.”
She swallowed. Hard. They stood there for a minute more before she finally said, “I’ve got more of that chicken inside. Just the way you liked it.”
His crooked smile returned. “Now how can a man say no to that?”
She led him inside, where he removed his glasses and allowed her to look him in his one good eye.
Ariel.of.Narnia: (the end)
Kristi: So he's Tyrone's dad?
Sir-Edward: *applauds!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: Yay, you got it! @Ed: thanks.
elanorelle: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ela: do the tweaks meet your approval?
elanorelle: Yeah, I think some parts feel more clarified if you get my meaning.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, good.
Kristi: I might have adjusted the repetitive line as he was leaving, about him being all grown up, but I'm not sure how
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, yes. Thanks for that. *makes a note to fix it*
Kristi: But I like
Ariel.of.Narnia: Thanks
Ariel.of.Narnia: If you've got more to share, Kristi, we're all ears.
Kristi shares again, removed by request
Kristi: Ok, I think that's it for me
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey. Writers' dismissed.
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Thu May 19, 2016 1:46 pm
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Ariel.of.Narnia: *strolls in for writers' early, tries to finish her little story*
Squirrel 4158686: smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *wanders in with ice cream*
Ariel.of.Narnia: 'ello!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hii
Ariel.of.Narnia: I've done almost nothing productive today.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I mean, I did kinda get some things figured out, which is good
Ariel.of.Narnia: How about you guys?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *bonks chat*
Sir-Edward: *flies in*
Sir-Edward: HARK!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hello, Edward!
Squirrel 4158686: Hockey stick!
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yay, someone else thought of that too!!
Squirrel 4158686: I've got lots to share, but can't till later
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Tenny, Ed, have you anything to share today?
Sir-Edward: Eeerm...
Sir-Edward: No
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Who, me? I don't write >.> <.<
Sir-Edward: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: ... riiiiiight
Ariel.of.Narnia: I think I'm almost done with my little... whatever-it-is
Ariel.of.Narnia: So...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Didja want to risk waiting for me or would you rather do a prompt or something?
Sir-Edward: I dunno...I'm leaning toward prompt I guess
Ariel.of.Narnia: Wise decision.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I'm trying to decide whether or not school is a good prompt for me right now
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Tenny: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: So we haven't done any Narnia prompts in a very long time. Perhaps these might pique interest?
1. How did Polly discover the attic and decide to turn it into a "Smuggler's Cave"?
2. There is a reason Mr. Beaver dreads bath day. What is it?
3. A Calormene is contracted to entertain or prepare food for the false-front "party" the Narnians are "hosting" on the Splendour Hyaline. What does he do when he finds the ship gone?
Squirrel 4158686: (Happy that Ariel thought of Hockey Stick)
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: how much later are you thinking of sharing? just so I know?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*looks the prompts over very thoughtfully*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*glances at 4* ooh, I'll take that one.
Ariel.of.Narnia:*snerk*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*grabs her schoolbooks*
Ariel.of.Narnia:*is very close to done*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *is done*
Ariel.of.Narnia: If everyone hasn't gone and disappeared on me, lol
Sir-Edward: No no, I'm still here...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh hi!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Dunno if you want me to go now or wait till later.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you need more prompts?
Sir-Edward: Sure why not
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you want more Narnia ones or whatever ones?
Sir-Edward: I dunno, you pick
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay...
Lil: *skids in*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *gets knocked over by Lil*
Kristi: *eyes the skid marks on her floor*
Ariel.of.Narnia: 4. You/your character finds that your/his/her best friend is lighting the sparks of rebellion. What is your/ your character's response?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Lil!
Lil: *rights self* *Writes Tenny*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Trying to find a prompt that might interest Ed.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you have anything to share tonight?
Lil: (oooOOOoooh interesting plot!)
Lil: (uh prompt)
Kristi: Maicen: *arrests best friend*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snerk*
Ariel.of.Narnia: (haha, it's a what-if question I have regarding an anime I'm watching)
Lil: *cough* O.o
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Maicen: wait, you have friends?
Kristi: Seb: you don't have any friends
Lil: *chortles*
Kristi: ^.^
Kristi: Maicen: makes it easy
Lil: It's okay. I like you @ Maicen
Lil: The rebellion sounds interesting
Ariel.of.Narnia: 5. You/your character is a super-powered individual. What is this power and how did you/ your character come by it?
Lil: Just because it could go so many ways
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Lil: right?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I have a story-thing, but I'll only share if all are in favour now. Kristi wants to share later.
Lil: (Also probably because I mean Like America was started with people rebelling, so...)
Lil: Good ol' 'merica
Ariel.of.Narnia: (lol, yes, very true)
Lil: (points if the rebel is a double agent or changes alliances)
Ariel.of.Narnia: (*grins* this could fit into so many points of history as well as a whack-load of fandoms)
Lil: Sorry. *goes back getting rid of skid marks*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *putters with project stuff while she waits for someone to say something*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *labels this a very productive group tonight*
Lil: Fine with me?
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ain't no one saying much so...
Lil: *offers Ariel a mic*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *holds it awkwardly*
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Ariel.of.Narnia: I hate public speaking guys! *holds back tears*
Lil: *takes it back?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): XD
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *sticks chopsticks in Ariel's other hand, to balance out the picture*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): That should help.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh! Got a bowl of noodles to go with the chopsticks?
Lil: Yep
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sweet! *drops mic, deafens y'all with the big boom*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oops
Ariel.of.Narnia: I mean, I could share my thingy
Lil: *Offers to share just as she's called away*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aw
Ariel.of.Narnia: Can you come back?
Lil: I'll try?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *waits until then*
Lil:*authorizes Ariel to share my marvel snippet if she wants*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, I'll let you do that honour.
Kristi: *returns*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Kristi!
Kristi: *preps English muffins for all!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, yummy!
Kristi: (Wonkavision subscription required)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aww...
Ariel.of.Narnia: D'ya want to share now?
Kristi: Wasn't Lil going to?
Ariel.of.Narnia: She had to go. She might be back later, though
Ariel.of.Narnia: And I can go before or after, whatever
Kristi: Ok, I can
[Kristi shared; removed by request]
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lil, you want to share now?
Lil: Um sure I guess. It's not really much
Kristi: Carry on
Lil: My small marvel scribble
Lil shares ~
Lil: He turned from the window to look at her. “I have to Laura.. Nat…she’s-“
“Daddy? Are you and aunty Nat fighting?” The voice had come from his daughter standing in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.
“Come here Honey.” Scooping her up into his arms, he replied, “remember when you had that argument with Jodi?”
“Uhuh.”
“Well this is kinda like that. Aunty Nat and I have different opinions sometimes.”
“Work, Daddy?”
He saw Laura step closer, “Honey, remember your school project with Jonny, last year? You both had ideas how you thought things should be done.”
“Ohhh.” Comprehension dawned childish brown eyes. Followed, by a perplexed frown. She turned back to him, young eyes searching.
“Are you angry with aunty Nat, Daddy?”
He smiled. “No Honey.”
A brilliant smile blossomed on her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Hugging her tight, he set her back on the ground. “I love you Daddy, tell Aunty Nat I love her too, Okay?”
“I will Honey. Don’t you worry about Aunty Nat okay?”
"Okay." And With that she skipped from the room.
Lil: The end
Kristi: With my limited Marvel knowledge, I have no idea who anyone was, I'm afraid
Ariel.of.Narnia: *beams*
Lil: *nibbles lip*
Kristi: Aunty Nat's goin' down, isn't she? She's a supervillain and Daddy's gonna lock her in spinning rings or something
Kristi: (KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well... dunno about "going down"...
Lil: (actually I wrote this as a precursor to Captain America coming out.)
Lil: Natasha and Clint look to be on opposite sides
Ariel.of.Narnia: (aka Black Widow and Hawkeye)
Lil: (this causes me a great deal of tension being their friends and partners. Also Clint brought her to SHIELD instead of what he was supposed to do.)
Lil: ^.^ what she said
Ariel.of.Narnia: Are you gonna put this up on FF, Lil?
Ariel.of.Narnia: If you put it on FF, I'll fave it
Lil: So yeah, um, that's my story
Kristi: Nice
Ariel.of.Narnia: You know what I think of it, so.
Kristi: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: I've got a little something
Lil: I really need to head out. I just noticed the time.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aw, bye, Lil!
Ariel.of.Narnia: (oh wow, it is late for you!)
Kristi: Night Lil!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, Kristi, either you can be my single audience or I'll just wait till next week.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sure, cuz I'm not here.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-wink
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *comes back from dinner*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ack!
Kristi: Stealth!Tenny
Ariel.of.Narnia: stealth stat: 9
Kristi: I'm happy to listen. Pay no attention to that hobbit in the corner
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *bows*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, here goes...
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: No one ever says it, but they envy me. I know that sound conceited, but I have watched folks try to achieve what I’ve got. There are countless methods of the attempt. Some have failed miserably in the processes they adopt. If only they would listen to me – I am something of an expert on the subject. You’d think we’d communicate, what with how much I watch them and how much they stare at and talk about me. But they pay no heed to me, just as they never say how they envy me.
You see, I was born with this condition. This curse of being held back from everyone else, no matter how close we are. Of being silent in a world of sounds. Of being frozen in an everlasting moment when the rest of the world moves on. Oh, it’s not all dull: remember, I still do get to see everything progress. It is just that I myself, though a witness to changing times, do not change. And it is this very thing that can be so tiresome. I live in the past, and yet the past is my – it’s a little hard to find the right words to explain it. At any rate, it is something I could never escape.
The bright side, I suppose, is that I do have a purpose in life. That thing about the past? People just look at me and remember and then tell the story to those who are unfamiliar with my particular history. You may think it is not their business, but I don’t mind. The evolving tales are a source of amusement and besides, I’ve been in this state for so very long, I sometimes find the need for a reminder of my own story.
There are others like me. Not that I’ve technically met any of them, but I’ve seen them around. Sometimes, I wonder if they all think the way I do. Or perhaps I’m the only one. It’s hard to tell. You see, we are untouched, unmoved by our surroundings. We are confined to who we are, what we are, from our beginnings. Our only pleasures are in the world outside ourselves, our only losses are what parts of ourselves we have to lose.
If only the rest of the world would understand, they might not seek out this curse. But they see it as a treasure to be won. They make it their lives’ goal – ironic as that may be. They yearn for it when they ought to try to be part of the changing world in which they live, for in that world, there is life.
But then, I’m only a photograph: what do I know of immortality?
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
Kristi: Eeeenteresting
Kristi: I was all "one of Jadis' statues/another kind of statue/a tree/a Weeping Angel"
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha!
Kristi: Reminds me of Susan too
Ariel.of.Narnia: Right before I finished it, it was going to be a statue, but then as I shared it, I figured I might be safest with my original decision of photograph
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, hadn't thought of Susan...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Though that could be because I knew what I was ending with...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyhoot, that's it for tonight. Writers dismissed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:55 am
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Albero1: Is Writer's happening tonight?
Kristi: Hi!
Kristi: Hope so!
Albero1: Good...I have something to share finally >.<
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *flies in!!!*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I forgot to check with Ariel and Lil to see who was supposed to lead tonight
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I literally JUST walked in the door from the state archery tournament
Albero1: Fashionably late.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Yup
Albero1: *hums*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): So I know Kristi has something to share
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I know you do, too, Berry
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And... I wonder where Ed and Will are
Sir-Edward: *rides hastily in*
Albero1: Hi Ed!
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hi, Ed! Welcome to Writer's!
Kristi: Hi!
Albero1: I’ll share first, if that’s ok.
Albero1: This is a novel I've been plotting for a bit and meant to write the first chapter of today. I only wrote the first scene. Oh well.
Albero1 shares ~
Albero1: Her first memory was of silence. Not quiet. Utter, lonely, terrifying silence.
The next thing she remembered was opening her eyes and seeing trees. Tall, dark trees in an early summer dusk, enveloping her, suffocating her. She was lying on her back, staring up at the impossibly tall trees, searching. What had she been searching for? She couldn’t remember.
She sat straight up. It wasn’t just the thing she was searching for that she couldn’t recall; it was all of her memories. She could remember things like what trees were; or that this place with so many trees was called a forest. But she couldn’t remember her favorite color. Her friends. Even her name was as unreachable as the highest boughs of the dizzyingly tall trees above her head.
She saw a sudden flutter in the trees to her right. Only a bird, she told herself. It was getting dark and she was getting scared. She didn’t know where she was, couldn’t remember a thing and could hear just as little.
Think, she told herself. Breathe. She tried to separate herself from her mounting emotions. She tried to keep herself calm. But she was panicking. Why was she here? Where was here? Thoughts swirled in her head and she was losing her grip on her feelings.
She stood up and tried to look around better. The trees were thick, and covered with ivy. All of the trees were suffocating her. She was choking.
No, I’m not, she told herself. She wasn’t thinking straight. She put her hand against a tree trunk and jumped in terror when the ivy started to wrap around her hand. She pulled it away fearfully and stood as far away from every tree around her as she could. Where was she? Why was the forest attacking her? And, most importantly, who was she?
Albero1: All I've written so far
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh
Albero1: Yes I PMed you about it
Kristi: I like. I think we need to see more than one thing attack her before she comes to the conclusion that the whole forest is
Tenethia Brandybuck: I think I replied but I'd just gone to work or something
Kristi: Oh, great
Albero1: Okay that makes sense Kristi.
Kristi: Tenny, I added you days ago
Kristi: Accept the invite already
Kristi: And possibly using too many gerunds...especially "getting" and "getting" right next to each other
Albero1:*nods*
Albero1: I think this is the first time I've ever used a first draft in Writer's, lol
Kristi: smiley
Albero1: Anybody else have a suggestion?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *went and accepted it*
Kristi: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: (*skids in*)
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I think you could use some more vivid verbs in addition to verb/adverb combinations.
Albero1: *nods*
Kristi: Please bring extra socks
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): like "pulled her hand back, frightened" could be "jerked her hand away"
Tenethia Brandybuck: Okay, I'll try to remember
Albero1: that sounds good
Kristi: (Saved my bacon a year ago)
Kristi: NJ was wearing an identical pair last weekend XD
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *grins*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I really liked it, Berry. I felt tone. Not just descriptions.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I like tones *thumbs up*
Albero1: Thank you ^.^
Ariel.of.Narnia: *will have to read everything via log*
Albero1: Hi Ariel! *snugs*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi! smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Does Ariel have something to share tonight? or Edward?
Sir-Edward: Sorry :
Ariel.of.Narnia: I do.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not happy with the tail end, but I do
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Fabulous Fire ahead
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oookay
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: /Darkness. The creeping dusk, the shadows of the woods, and the not-wholly-pleasant dim of unconsciousness. Rushing, rushing, in rhythm with the galloping Centaur that bore him in his arms, escaping from /her/, rushing, rushing eastward toward the unknown./
Everything about the journey was different from the one Edmund made five years before. His destination was the same, but today, he approached it from the east, in the mid-morning light, and of his own accord. He pulled short his horse just before they left the shade of the trees. A lightly rolling plain lay before him, interrupted a distance away by a sudden bump in the landscape. He clicked his tongue to urge the horse into a gallop, allowing both of them to enjoy the openness of the plain and the freedom it afforded. Even though he knew that he would be easier to spot on the plain than on a wooded route, he could truly be alone with his thoughts and with the dumb horse that could tell no one of the outing. Not that it really mattered, Edmund supposed, but he did prefer a lack of company on this occasion.
The grassy bump grew larger and larger till it loomed high above him. Edmund slowed the horse as he skirted around the hill to the other side, for it was important to climb the west face of the hill. Once there, Edmund dismounted and simply stood still for a moment: the sun was still low enough to appear to have crested the hill rather than to shine directly down from its zenith.
/It was not the sun that stood there. Nor was it the moon. No, it was a Lion, unmistakably glorious, greater than sun or moon, a majestic silhouette at the top of the hill. That much Edmund could tell even though he was still some distance away. The Centaur who carried him let him down, but Edmund was already trembling. He kept his eyes on the Lion and tried to take a few steps forward, but any trace of courage left him when the magnificent Creature came bounding, rushing, racing down the hill toward him. Fear seized Edmund: fear of the Lion, of what He might do. The Lion came to a graceful halt, such as no animal sprinting at that pace should be able to accomplish. Edmund’s heart pounded and he could not bring himself to look at anything but the Lion’s paws. And then… the Lion kissed him on his forehead and welcomed him. /
Edmund adjusted the strap of his satchel and proceeded to ascend the hill. The turf was soft and springy, just as it had been then. It was quiet here, too, just the breeze and the faintest sound of the ocean and the occasional bit of birdsong.
/Edmund did not really want to climb that hill, not after all the walking he’d done that day, but the Lion had said to walk beside him, so Edmund did. His rescuers followed at a discreet distance, leaving Edmund feeling very much alone with the Lion, Who didn’t say much, but the silence was more companionable than it was condemning./
The breeze was stronger on top of the hill, but it was warmer than Edmund had reckoned it would be. Even if it was biting cold, it would not have made a difference to him, for there, in the very center of the hill, was the reason he came back every year: the Stone Table, cracked down the middle, a symbol of what was, a monument to what came after. He knelt on one knee and remembered.
/The Stone Table hadn’t mattered much to him when he saw it the first time; it was shrouded in the semi-dark, a vague shape in the moonlight. In any case, Edmund had been more interested in the Lion, Who seemed to softly glow with a light of His own as He led Edmund to a tent and bade him enter and nourish himself. Edmund obeyed and found himself in a candlelit space, unfurnished but for a low table and a wide cushion. He settled himself on the cushion and simply stared at his reflection in the silver pitcher before him. He was especially thirsty and hungry too, but he would not touch what was given, for he was not worthy of the Lion’s compassion or His provision. But the Lion seemed unfazed by the situation, merely sitting back on His haunches and speaking to Edmund. So Edmund listened and ate./
Edmund sat down and reached into his satchel. It wasn’t exactly like the fare he’d had then, but the memory was enough and he was here to remember. He broke the loaf and directed his gaze again at the Stone Table.
/Beneath its golden crust, the bread was the whitest Edmund had ever seen. It was so light, it nearly melted in his mouth; and it had a hint of sweetness. The wine he poured from the pitcher into the goblet was like a liquefied blood-red ruby, sweet and satisfying. But neither the bread nor the wine were as satisfying as the Lion’s words. Such beautiful, powerful words. Words of correction, of instruction, of forgiveness, of vindication. Though he could not pinpoint when it happened, Edmund forgot about the bread and wine, feeding instead on the Lion’s words.
He hadn’t realized how long he had talked with the Lion till the Lion led him outside again into a fresh world of dew and dawn; and there they talked a good deal more. Edmund would never forget it. He never wanted to forget, and anyway, the Lion – Aslan – had said to always remember./
Standing up, Edmund drained his flask and laid his hand on the broken Stone Table. He hadn’t understood everything Aslan had said then – things about redemption, justification, sanctification –, he certainly did now. So remember he would, and especially on this day of every year for the rest of his life.
Ariel.of.Narnia: El fin.
Tenethia Brandybuck: Awwwwwwwwwwww <3
Ariel.of.Narnia: smiley
Kristi: Wow
Kristi: Nicely done.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Really?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): When I figured out the italics it all started making sense
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: what leads you to that conclusion? (*is curious*)
Kristi: Yeah, good to know Ed can tell the difference between a Centaur and a horse.
Kristi: The conclusion that it's nicely done?
Albero1: Lots of feels. Very feelings-y...which is a stamp of approval from a teenage girl. Lol but I loved it and echo Teeny's sentiment
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Tenny: it's easier to grasp with actual italics, so I understand the confusion@Kristi: yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Berry (I'm assuming?): what feels, can you pinpoint what and/or where?
Kristi: Well, nothing jumped out as not working, once we figured out the italics
Kristi: and I knew why he was there, but I didn't see the connection to communion coming
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hurrah!
Kristi: And I don't think it was too heavy handed
Kristi: Which was a risk
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *nodnodnods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *whew* I was worried that might be the case, especially with "redemption, justification, sanctification"...
Albero1: The whole thing just really hit home for me considering some stuff that's been happening with me recently
Albero1: And it was just very sweet and… IDK I just really loved it
Albero1: Sorry :$
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aww *hugs*
Albero1: Thanks : )
Ariel.of.Narnia: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anything that should be improved on?
Albero1: Not that I can think of smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Probably. Do I know what it is? No.
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol
Albero1: Lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *shares ice cream with everyone*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, thanks!
Kristi: Yum!
Albero1: *is allergic to milk*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *goes to edit some of the mistakes she noticed*
Kristi: Unicorn milk?
Albero1: I'll just...eat some popsicles over here
Albero1: *cries onto the popsicles*
Albero1: Yeah unicorn milk should be fine
Kristi: Oh it was YOU who invited me the last time
Kristi: Berry, you've turned off cabin invitations :{
Albero1: Oh I have?
Kristi: You have
Albero1: I will fix it lol
Albero1: IDK how to turn them back on...
Tenethia Brandybuck: Under cabin settings
Albero1: Okay I turned them on
Albero1: Yay me
Albero1: I haz talent
Albero1: Very talent. Much good.
Kristi: Maybe, but the web site says they're still blocked
Albero1: Weird
Albero1: Let me try again...
Albero1: Okay, see if this works...
Kristi: There
Kristi: *waits for Tenny*
Tenethia Brandybuck: *Shakes self*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *makes a vague excuse about being in the sun for twelve long hours and being tired*
[insert ending conversation]
Writer’s Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:58 pm
]]>
Ariel.of.Narnia: Writers' is on tonight, but I'll be back in a few minutes. Talk amongst yourselves.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Whoa, don't everyone come in at once.
Lil: Trundles in
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Lil and Elanor!
Squirrel 6196183: *rides in on armored Wyvern*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Ed.
elanorelle: Hey all
Ariel.of.Narnia: How are y'all this fine evening?
Sir-Edward: Forsooth!
elanorelle: We looked for houses (to rent at the moment), so a bit tired.
Sir-Edward: Forsooth = doing well
Lil: That is tiring
Lil: @ela
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Elanor: I'll have to ask you about that later. @Ed: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alright. so. does anyone have anything to share?
Sir-Edward: *cricket noises*
Lil: (Where's our most excellent Fisherdess?)
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey, y'all!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sorry I'm late
Ariel.of.Narnia: I haven't the slightest.
elanorelle: Hey, Tenny!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hey, Tenny!
Sir-Edward: Tenny! *hugtackles!*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I believe her Excellency had a party to throw this evening
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hi, Ela!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hi, Ariel!
elanorelle: The only thing I wrote this week was a research proposal.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, such is the life of a leader.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): OOF! *hugtackles back!* Hi, Ed! Congratulations on your sister's congrats
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ela: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Tenny and Lil, do you have anything to share?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Not, I, unfortunately
Lil: Tennyson? Do we know where our most beloved fisherdess is?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm in the midst of writing something, so I have nothing to share either
Sir-Edward :*spies a prompted coming from far off yonder....*
Lil: *washed the car today* does that count?
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: have you one? @Lil: she's apparently partying tonight
Ariel.of.Narnia: (lol)
Sir-Edward: I washed THREE cars! O.0
Lil: *qails before your might*
Sir-Edward: (well actually it was a car, a van and a truck)
Ariel.of.Narnia: *dies*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snorks*
Lil: *only did two*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sir Ed of the Order of Excellent Car-Washing!
Sir-Edward: So shall it be!!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Oh, Mighty Edward! We bow before the awesome powerz of your maaarrrvelous might!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snerk*
Sir-Edward: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: *unsheathes sword and re-knights him under that title*
Sir-Edward: At least it's better then my last title....
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Dare I ask?
Sir-Edward: I can't remember if it was rat slayer or slime thrower....
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sliiiiime Thrower Mighty Car Washer!
Ariel.of.Narnia: So. Since we're all here with nothing to share, are we up for a prompt?
Sir-Edward: Indeed!
Lil: A prompt?
Lil: What sort?
elanorelle: I'm up for a prompt.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, if you've any ideas, feel free to propose. If not, I'll be pulling prompts from a couple websites
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *does laundry; is up for laundry and writing about Smeagol in the forum and that's about it right now*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heh.
Lil: I had a prompt once
Ariel.of.Narnia: So any prompt suggestions before I pick a couple at random?
Lil: (did I send that to you Tenny?) but I forgot it
elanorelle: I have nothing.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Lil: sounds like an invitation to rewrite "I've Got a Dream" but with prompts.
Sir-Edward :lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I... don't thinks so
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Lil:
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, here's the first one I've got: "Every morning at 9:00 a.m. sharp, you get a call on your cell phone. The speaker says “I know what you did” and then hangs up. This has been going on for two weeks straight. What did you do and how do you react to these calls?"
Sir-Edward: I'd change my phone number
Lil: Ditto
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snork*
Lil: or block
Lil: *got a voicemail from an attorney once*
Ariel.of.Narnia: o.O
Lil: It was a wrong number.
Lil: *breaths sigh of relief*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, that's good
elanorelle: My sister got a call from the penitentiary once.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Whoops
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yikes!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Arli... always gets calls from juvenile hall
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, so that idea's out the window. How about "You have been chosen to help carry the Olympic Torch for the 2016 Summer Olympics. It’s finally your turn to carry the Torch and you are so nervous you might throw up. You take the Torch from its previous carrier and start running. As cameras flash and the world watches, you trip and go sprawling. Write this scene."
Lil: No.
Lil: (joking....)
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll keep looking for a decent one...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *dies*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I would. so. die.
Sir-Edward: I would jump up shouting "five million views on youtube!!" and keep running
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snork*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *dies*
elanorelle: I might do the first one (an idea sprung on me), depending on what else you find.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And the torch would go out and the world would hate you.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Start with: "Catching the signal from one of her friends, Angela brushed her skirt, took a deep breath, and walked over to where he was sitting."
Ariel.of.Narnia: Or: "Have the main character in your novel (or short story) write a letter to you. What would they say? Have them write whatever you want."
Ariel.of.Narnia: Or: "You went to bed like any other night and were out like a log in minutes. But when you woke up, you weren’t at home. You were in a car (that wasn’t yours), wearing clothes (that weren’t yours), and holding a bag full of money (that wasn’t yours). Suddenly, a police car turns on it’s lights to pull you over. What do you do?"
Ariel.of.Narnia: Any takers so far?
elanorelle: Hmm. I'm deciding between two.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed? Anything caught your interest yet?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *personally thinks that an expansion of "five million views of youtube" could get pretty funny*
Sir-Edward: The only problem with most of these for me, is that they are too grounded. They chose things like: the time frame (for instance the cellphone one could not be written in ANY other time other then the last seventeen years or so)or the main protagonist him\her-self. perhaps something less-and yet more- specific. for instance: you must write a story about a person exploring a wreck and something befalls him\her? (maybe it's just me
)Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): You're welcome to take the prompts and adjust them of course smiley
Sir-Edward: Hmmm...*thinks*
Ariel.of.Narnia: You could feel free to change a few elements. Like, instead of "Angela", go with "Aaron" or instead of a phone call, make it a note on your front door.
Lil: I have a few prompts?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Go for, Lil!
Lil: 1. Write a scene that starts with "Darling, stop."
Lil: 2.write a scene that involves an escape. There should be a bowl of fruit in there somewhere
Lil: (sorry I just thought of the pinboard I have )
Ariel.of.Narnia: (I think I need to have linkage to this pinboard.
)Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): No you don't
Ariel.of.Narnia: (Ah, you're right. I have 200 ideas to work through first.
)Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Lil: 3. Your hero and villain are trapped in the same room
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh
Lil: *can't remember the rest of that one sorry*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It's enough
Ariel.of.Narnia: (*works on her own story*)
Lil: I sent the board to tenny
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anything struck your fancy, Ed?
Lil: Tenny? Will you send it on?
Lil: Or (sorry this one was too good to keep.) write about a full moon rising over the sea
Sir-Edward: I think I’ll go for the one with the one where you wake up in a car (that wasn’t yours), wearing clothes (that weren’t yours), and holding a bag full of money (that wasn’t yours). and Suddenly, a police car turns on it’s lights to pull you over.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lil, have you seen something you want to write?
elanorelle: I'm going for the phone one.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Shall we try for 30 minutes?
elanorelle: Sure. Probably won't finish in that time, but I can try.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, you can always say you need an extension.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alright, ready, set?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Go!
Lil: I feel rather bereft of inspiration
Ariel.of.Narnia: :S sorry
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *is rather ber-whatchamacallit of brainpower in general tonight*
Sir-Edward: Bereft?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heh. Just get some sleep tonight, okay, Tenny?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Naw, I have too much to do.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *Oreius scowl*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *is looking too intensely at other things to see*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Uh-huh...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ten minutes to go. How're you guys doing?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Half done with this load of towels!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Wait, are we talking about writing? o.o
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, do you think you'll finish laundry by the 30-minute mark?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Yes!
elanorelle: Erm. Not too well. It's going in the right direction, though.
Lil: I'm going to head out
Lil: Headache. Time change
elanorelle: Night, Lil.
Lil: *hopes Tenny will send me the log*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Ariel will!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Good night, Lil!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela and Ed, do you need more time?
elanorelle: Yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, okay. I do too, so...
Sir-Edward: Heh
Ariel.of.Narnia: Does another 10 minutes sound adequate or no?
Sir-Edward: Very adequate! (unless it's not)
elanorelle: My feelings exactly.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Iiiii'm still working on mine. But if either of you are done, feel free to share.
Sir-Edward: Just wrapping it up (sorta)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Extension then!
elanorelle: Test
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, there you are
elanorelle: Yup
elanorelle: Chat is misbehaving. -.-
Ariel.of.Narnia: No kidding. that was weird
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, we'll see if Ed makes it back or not. if not, then we'll at least have something to share for next week.
elanorelle: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed! Hi!
Sir-Edward: I'm BACK!!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Dunno what happened there, but we seem to be alright now
Sir-Edward: Sorry, technical difficulties, would you like me to share?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Go for it!
Sir-Edward: Right, here goes.
Sir-Edward shares ~
Sir-Edward: This is the story of a young, fourteen-year-old boy named Archer Bumblenab, and the Adventure that took him far across the kingdom to save the world. As some people who have had adventures might know, however, a vast majority if the most epic and memorable quests do not start out the way they intended. So it was with young Archer Bumblenab. Every day he would start his routine, getting out of his small bed high up in the eighty-fifth-and-a-half floor of Barron sticklegarner's skyloft apartments. the "and-a-half" in his room's title was due to an unfortunate accident that occurred three months previously that involved stove, a firestone and an very unfortunate rabbit. After getting up Archer would eat a satisfying breakfast of pumpkin chestnuts, fresh bread, and large tankard of lemonade. After which he would set of for the grindle pits, a thoroughly unpleasant place overseen by Barron sticklegarner, where the majority of people worked in order to eat, sleep, and continue living. the adventure began rather unexpectedly one chilly fall night when, Archer, after a long days work in the grindle pits, returned to the skyloft, climbed the 1,244 stairs to his small, now halved apartment, and promptly threw himself into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. then awoke with a sudden start as the loud noise of wheels rattling on cobblestones jarred the sleep from his eyes. he made an involuntary noise of alarm in his throat and jolted up in his seat- he was in a carriage he realized with a shock, "maybe I've been kidnapped!" he thought wildly, and looked quickly down at his hands to see if he was restrained. an even stranger sight met his eyes then restraints however, not only was he wearing clothes that were not his, but on his lap was a fine, red, satin pouch embroidered with none other then the royal seal itself! he gasped and stood up as if the small pouch had burned him, and promptly bumped his head on the ceiling of the carriage. rubbing his head to alleviate the pain, he fumbled for the handle of the carriage door and pushed as hard as he could, but to no avail, he was trapped inside. turning around he stared at the small, satin pouch now lying on the carriage floor. perhaps that held the answered he seeked. he thought. starting forward, he scooped up the little red pouch, and with trembling fingers, opened the top of it. the shimmer of polished gold flickered across his face and his eyes widened. reaching into the pouch he grasped the irregular object inside and pulled it out into the light. it was a crown. the most magnificent crown he had ever seen.(though to be fair he had not seen very many) It was solid gold and many faceted gemstones were inlaid into its polished band. Archer gasped. it was breathtaking. he rotated it slowly in his hand then noticed a small piece of parchment tied onto the rim. tilting his head, he unfastened the knot and let the small piece of parchment fall into his open hand. then, putting the crown back into it's satin enclosure, he opened the small wrinkled piece of parchment to read what insight it might have into his predicament. holding it up to the faint moonlight streaming through the window, he made out a single bold-lettered word written in black ink: RUN.
Ariel.of.Narnia: O_O you /are/ going to continue, right?!
Sir-Edward: *puts on innocent expression* mayyybe....
Ariel.of.Narnia: *shakes head* you have a way of pulling me in with the way you describe things (I've a feeling it's best not to ask about that "unfortunate accident". and then you leave me out to dry with that.
Sir-Edward: Sorry
elanorelle: Oh dear. You'll continue this, right.
Sir-Edward: I definitely hope to
Sir-Edward: Lest I be murdered in my bed...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snork*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela, how about you, is yours done?
elanorelle: I have it mostly done.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Fire away, Ela!
elanorelle: First off this concerns characters from Zootopia.
Sir-Edward: From what now?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Zootopia is Disney's latest film, about a bunny cop and a fox con-man
elanorelle: *nods* I really liked it, and the characters... so ya know.
elanorelle: Yes
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: The clock changed to 8:51 when Judy glanced down for the seventeenth time that morning. She took a deep breath and tightened her grasp on the steering wheel. Nine minutes.
Nick flipped through several manila folders on his lap. “You're quiet this morning.”
“Long night.” She kept her eyes fixed on the road.
He opened one, took out the sheet and looked over the details. “Go out?”
She made a sharp turn, her brows narrowing at the suggestion. “No. I was sorting through some info for a new case.”
He replaced the paper. “Come on, Carrots, you're always working. You need to get out more.” He set the pile of folders on the seat between them. “Why don't you ask for time off? I can cover for you. Unless, of course, you don't /trust/ me.” He smiled, examining her face to see if she would respond in her usual way.
His cell rang and as he reached for his pocket he felt himself straining forward against the seat belt. The folders, with all their unstapled papers, were sliding to the ground. Then it all stopped: he was knocked back into the seat and the files were a mess on the floor of the car.
“Hey!” he said, eyes wide and claws stuck in the seat. “No need to kill me! I thought we were over this.” He looked over at Judy and noticed her eyes flit from the clock then back to the street. She adjusted her grip on the wheel and moved the vehicle forward until a yellow light flashed to red just ahead of them. “Carrots, something wrong?”
“What makes you say that?”
He pointed up at the signal. “Light's green.” The engine gave a slight rev as they made their way past the mall, quiet at that hour of the morning. “Well, you aren't talking about any of the cases and you almost killed me with that stop back there, and it wasn't done purposefully. You can't tell me you're normally this – well - this jumpy.”
She looked at him and forced a smile. “Believe me, nothing's wrong. Not a thing.”
“If you say so.” He reached down and gathered up the files, muttering to himself about organizing them when he noticed a familiar name. He lifted it from the rest of the unsorted papers.“The Hedgeson case again. Think you have a lead?”
“I wouldn't call it a lead, exactly. But, I've been going through some records and certain details aren't matching up -,” she looked down at the clock – 9:00 – and looked back up, “-with uh, with Mr Hedgeson's testimony.”
“You mean the break-in claim?”
“Yes, remember when he-”
Her cell buzzed in the cupholder, filling the car with an unsavory noise. She reached for it but Nick pushed her arm out of the way. “I'll take this and put it on speaker, you're driving.”
Ariel.of.Narnia: *grins*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I love Nick. Have I mentioned that?
Sir-Edward: Eek! It's 11:52! I should get some sleep!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alright. Good night, Ed!
Elanorelle: 'Kay, night Ed.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I guess I'll say more next week, Ela.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Writers' dismissed!
Sir-Edward: Night! I shall await the rest of the stories next time! FAREWELL!!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:57 pm
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Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Heello, Squirrel!
Kristi: I'm here
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hm, where is everyone
Sir-Edward: *rides in on Wyvern*
Sir-Edward: *..and falls off*
Lil: *pops head in*
Kristi: I scared them with my prose
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): There you are, Ed!
Kristi: btw I was the squirrel
Kristi: Before you poked me
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *figres*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): @ -- Figres is when you prepare figs for being eaten
Sir-Edward: So...who's in charge of writer's?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*is*
Kristi: Hi Ela!
Tenethia Brandybuck: Hi, Ela!
elanorelle: Hey all.
Lil: Shall I start then?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Fire ahead!
Lil: *doesn't mean to interupt Fishy*
Lil shares ~
Lil: Peter starred up into the darkness, longing for light and shifted again for what might have been the five-thousandth time hearing the jingle of the chains above him rattle. He closed his eyes wishing for sleep that was denied him.
Every part of him ached, his back sore from the long procession and tense from sitting upright reminded sharply each time he moved.
Then it came like water to his parched tongue, a voice calling his name. He opened his eyes, unsure at first if he had actually heard it. Then it came again. Soft, still, yet clear.
“Peter.”
“Aslan!” the elder king rasped, smiling. With a click, the manacles holding his wrists opened. Overcome with joy, he stumbled forward flinging his arms around the lion breathing in the sweet perfume of His Country that always hung about him. “Oh Aslan, you’ve come!”
“Peter, rise and come.”
“Aslan?” Bruised and battered, his strength nearly gone, he was not sure if he could even get one foot underneath him. Yet, Aslan had given him a command and he must could not refuse.
With one last look at his brother, he placed his hand on the Lion’s broad back, feeling the strength enter him feeling the power and majesty of the muscles rippling beneath. The door before then opened, and together walked past the slumbering guards set to guard against escape. Walking back down halls that had previously exuded the feeling of darkness and evil, seemed not to touch him as the Lion walked beside him. It was almost as if evil was powerless, in the presence of the Lion.
No one hindered them along their way and every door opened before them till suddenly they were outside in the night air.
Pale moonlight shone down upon them as they made their way back through the city. It was quiet now, where before he had been he had been led towards the palace by surround by the noise of the pomp and splendor of the prince’s triumphal parade. In time they made wharfs where the ships were harbored. The salty tang of the sea breezes blew around him and at first he winced, unused to either the light or brisk wind.
From the harbor down towards the dunes, When they had gone a ways along the beach, Aslan turned and made his way behind a rather large and wide dune. At the Aslan’s request, Peter laid down in the sand, the Lion beside him. With the length of the walk and the warmth of the Lion’s mane and the sweet perfume that hung about him, Peter fell asleep feeling safe for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun.
Lil: Finished. Comments?
Lil: Ed? Kristi? Tenny? Ela?
Sir-Edward: *applauds*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *applauds too*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I like the tone, Lil.
Sir-Edward: *dances*
Kristi: Why did he leave Ed behind?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Bye-bye, Ed! Have fun being a captive!
Kristi: Oh, whew, I was so worried
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sorry, but I have to slip out. I'll read the log though
Sir-Edward: *waves!!*
Lil: Thank you!
Kristi: You said "With one last look at his brother"
Lil: I suppose it doesn't make sense really?
Lil: But Edmund was in the next cell and Aslan came and told Peter to come?
Lil: (also Peter's situation was more grave storywise?)
Kristi: I don't understand why he wouldn't ask Aslan to help Edmund out too. And if he isn't going to, the audience needs a reason, even if it's just that Peter felt a sense of peace about his brother, or he asks Aslan and Aslan says not yet, or something. Or that in the dreamlike quality of the encounter he felt no concern for Edmund. But I think you need to address it.
Lil: Okay
Lil: Thanks
Kristi: Sure. I liked it very much otherwise
Lil: Yeah I was wondering how to do it
Kristi: Or Aslan says Edmund has another path to follow before they meet again maybe
Lil: I always have this trouble when I try to write Aslan
Kristi: I liked that evil seemed to recede in Aslan's presence
Lil: I thought that would be fitting
Kristi: smiley
Lil: I don't know if the story I based this chapter on is showing or not?
Kristi: Sounds like an alternate to HHB maybe
Kristi: Or a sequel to
Kristi: Or do you mean the escape of Peter in the Bible?
Lil: <.<
Lil: >.>
Lil: *searched and searched for a way to rescue and then I woke up one day thing about it*
Lil: The Bible story
Lil: But I still don't know (it was an angel here) does it sound okay Kristi?
Kristi: It seems a little deus ex machina, but given you're basing it on a true story, it's sort of hard to say that.
Kristi: And that is, to an extent, built into all the Chronicles anyway.
Kristi: Seeing as deus is an actual character
Kristi: In any other world I'd probably make Peter find his own way out
Lil: Yeah I thought about the deus ex machina, but I couldn't really come up with anything better?
Lil: (and like in robin hood people are always getting saved at the last moment?)
Kristi: Well, getting saved at the last moment isn't a problem. It's good plotting.
Writer's Group closes ~ (unofficially)
Statistics: Posted by narniac101 — Sun Mar 13, 2016 3:36 am
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Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, it's 5:35. Anyone got anything to share?
Kristi: I do
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey-dokey, share away, Kristi!
Kristi: Ok
[Kristi shares, removed by her request]
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela, do you have anything to share?
elanorelle: I wish I did.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I have something really stupid if you guys feel inclined...
Kristi: Sure!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. This is based on a prompt I got from the interwebs.
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: The click of a pistol’s hammer permeated Garth’s subconscious. He ached all over, but particularly in his head, neck, and shoulders. He moaned and peeled his eyelids open, only to shut them again when a bright light seemed to sear his eyes. A velvety voice came from above and before him. “Give me a good one-liner, Mr. Miller, and I just may let you live.”
/Who is – what?/ He stirred and tried again to open his eyes, realizing in the meantime that his arms were sore because they were bound behind him and to the back of the chair he was seated on. He panicked and started to struggle, but with his feet bound to the chair as well, he only succeeded in rattling the chair about.
The chair suddenly refused to move, pinned down by some strong force from behind him. His eyes popped open, resting immediately upon his captor. For the most part, she was only a shadow, but enough light from the bright desk lamp highlighted her features. And the polished pistol she held. /Oh, no, not her. Why?! What did I do?/ His shallow breaths filled his ears. “Now see here,” he said. Or at any rate, he would have if his mouth hadn’t been stuffed and sealed.
She waved her pistol and a beefy henchman fairly ripped the gag from Garth’s mouth. While Garth worked his jaws, the woman inspected her gun. “I am short on time and patience, Mr. Miller. Just one good line, that’s all I ask.”
/A one-liner? That’s my only way out? But what if I can’t think of one?/ Sweat coated his palms. His stomach threatened to heave. His eyes darted wildly, even though he couldn’t see much besides the lamp and the woman - /Ah! Lora and Travis!/ If he squinted enough, he could just see his friends scuttling about in the dark doorway beyond the desk lamp. But the woman was watching him, so he quit squinting and looked elsewhere. Not at her, of course, nor at her pistol. /I could quote Dad – no, she knows about that. What if I impressed her by quoting someone she admires? No, that wouldn’t work, not on her. Not if all the stories are true. Something funny? Yipe, no…. Or something sage? Right, if only I could actually think of one!/
He snuck a glance at his captor. She was toying with the pistol, cocking and uncocking it, as though it was some kind of death clock. /Lora and Travis won’t get to me in time!/ The pistol cocked again, slowly, deliberately, probably for the last time. He screwed his eyes shut and shouted… something.
Silence. Garth finally dared to look up at the woman.
She tapped the pistol on her chin “I can work with that. Briggs, release him.”
The henchman grunted and freed Garth, who nearly cried with relief as he rubbed and flexed his sore muscles. Briggs hardly allowed him to recuperate before taking hold of his shirt, dragging him to the door, and then thrusting him into Lora’s and Travis’s arms.
“Now,” said the woman with a dreadful tone of finality and at a frightening proximity. Garth looked over his shoulder to see her silhouette – and the pistol – looming over him. “The three of you. Back into the story and behave yourselves.”
elanorelle: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's... where I had ended it but I dunno if it needs a little more to finish it?
elanorelle: I think that's a good way you could end it, but maybe say "my story"? It might make it more apparent if it isn't already. I don't know.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, true
Kristi: *returns and grins*
Ariel.of.Narnia: What do you think Kristi?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Seriously, anything to make this less a piece of throw-away writing.
Ariel.of.Narnia:
elanorelle: I seriously need to do that with some of the characters I'm working with. Sheesh.
Kristi: Hmm, so was she gonna kill him off in her novel if he didn't produce a one-liner?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *cackles* except I've a feeling that your particular characters are too nice to terrorize like this
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's the idea. Though she didn't necessarily say she wouldn't kill him later.
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol!
Kristi: Maybe clarify that now he gets to survive chapter 13 or something
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hahahaha!
elanorelle: @Ariel: Yeah... you're probably right. But still, they need to work with me!
Kristi: So the author has a henchman?
Kristi: Caffeine? Vahlrona dark chocolate? Her inspirational mug?
Ariel.of.Narnia :@ela:
@Kristi: I... actually hadn't thought of that. I was just thinking a literal henchman, but a fictional one would actually be better. Not many authors have interrogation rooms in RL.
elanorelle: lol
Kristi: Maybe he notes she's wearing fingerless gloves in a small room with a typewriter
Ariel.of.Narnia:
HOW DID YOU KNOW?! Kristi: If that's not telescoping too much
Kristi: LOL
Kristi: Graphing...telegraphing
Kristi: And I like it. Love the twist ending
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, yay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So it's not a total piece of trash after all?
Kristi: And the intro "Give me a one-liner and I just might let you live" was vitally necessary, to keep a reader who isn't much into spy-interrogation stuff, I think
Kristi: No, I don't think so
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh?
Ariel.of.Narnia: How's that?
elanorelle: Absolutely not. I think any writer could identify with the situation, once it dawned on them what was going on.
Kristi: What was the prompt?
Ariel.of.Narnia: The prompt was "The click of the pistol’s hammer wakes you. A velvety voice lilts out of your vision, “Give me a good one liner and I just may let you live.” You can see two of your friends hiding outside the door, signaling to you that they are working on saving you. What do you tell the nice lady? Write this scene." I just applied it to a naughty character that an author was just fed up with.
Kristi: Well, since I don't know Garth and I don't know Author, it's trickier to keep me hooked that she's interrogating him
Kristi: *grins*
Kristi: And...let me check something
Kristi: Oh, yes, I got confused
Kristi: I thought Lora and Travis were the Author and her henchman.
Kristi: When you first mention the names, it's not clear he's referring to someone else, cause you just mentioned the woman
Kristi: I figured it out fast, but you could tweak and make it better
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll do that
Kristi: Possibly giving us the line...but I don't know that it's necessary
Ariel.of.Narnia: I've tried to come up with one for at least a week. Obviously, I'd die in that situation.
Kristi: Ha!
Ariel.of.Narnia: So my cop-out is that Garth doesn't even know what he blurted out
Ariel.of.Narnia: Cheap cop-out, I know. *hides in shame*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway, thanks guys. I'll play with making adjustments.
Kristi: "I know you know. You know I know. We know Henry knows and Henry knows that we know it. We're a knowledgable family."
Kristi: When in doubt, quote The Lion in Winter
elanorelle: smiley
Kristi: Though that's like five lines
Ariel.of.Narnia: *doesn't even know what that is*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway. Unless either of you have anything further you wish to discuss, we'll close shop for the night.
[and Writers' was never officially announced closed]
Writer's Group closed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:23 am
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General writerly exercises and explosions ~
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *dances happily*
Squirrel 6835669: *dissects bullfrog while dancing*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Eeeeeeeeeeed?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Kristi's SUPPOSED to be coming
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It's either Will or Ed
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I personally hope it's Will. I haven't seen him in FOREVER.
Squirrel 6835669: Well I can leave you guessing by saying "indeed"
Sir-Edward: Impersonation of an officer!!
Squirrel 6835669: lol
Squirrel 6835669: Oh, well
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hiiiiiiii, Edward!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *hugtackles you*
Sir-Edward: *Oofles*
Sir-William: *hugtackles back*
Sir-Edward: Hey Tenny!
Sir-William: Still has mouse with little bandanna, lol
Sir-William: We should describe a picture
Sir-Edward: Hmm..
Sir-William: Like talk about the colors and see what it is
Sir-Edward: I like that Idea
Sir-Edward: See how well we can describe a scene
Sir-William: Do you want me to start, Ed?
Sir-Edward: By all means
Sir-William: I see a circle of green
Sir-William: Attached to a long rectangle getting wider at the base
Sir-Edward: Fascinating...
Sir-William The rectangle is brown
Sir-Edward: Okeeey
Sir-William: These two shapes are attached to an even larger green rectangle that takes up
Sir-William: The whole bottom of the picture
Sir-Edward: Wonderful
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A TREEEEEEEEEEE
Sir-William: There are little yellow circles dispersed throughout the large green rectangle
Sir-William: Yes! 10 points to Tenny.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *bows!*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Is it my turn?
Sir-William: Sure, go ahead, hehe
Sir-Edward: indeed
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): This is actually a really good writing exercise
Sir-William: Literally exercising, yes.
Sir-William: And excessively wordy, in a way, lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I see in front of me a tall transparent cylinder
Sir-Edward: A....vase?
Kristi: *dashes in *
Sir-William: Hey, Kristi!
Kristi: (vaz)
Sir-Edward: Captain on the bridge!!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): The top is uncovered, though there is a black disc being suspended from the side of the cylinder by a hollow, slender cylinder.
Kristi: ^.^
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): You're warm, Ed.
Sir-Edward: Hmmm...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey Auntie! We're describing things and trying to make each other guess these things
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): To see how well we can make pictures appear in each other's heads
Sir-William: A can opener
Sir-William: I'm thinking, lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): The larger cylinder shape is transparent. The disc-like part is black. The slender cylinder-like part is red.
Sir-Edward: A transparent can opener
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): That /does/ look like a can opener.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snerk*
Sir-Edward: A wine glass?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): VERY warm, Edward.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It is a type of cup. But what is the black disc hanging from it? And what is the slender red part?
Sir-Edward: A...mug of tea?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *shakes head*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): How about this...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Through the transparent container one can see a slender, red, cylinderish-shaped thing stretching up from the bottom all the way to the top.
Sir-Edward: Blarg
Sir-William: Give me a minute to think
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It emerges from the top open end of the transparent container thing we're talking about, /through/ a black disc.
Sir-Edward: *bangs head*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I promise it's not that complicated
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): If it wasn't transparent, it would possibly be Styrofoam.
Sir-Edward: WHAT?!
Sir-William: What kind of cup has a cylindrical handle?
Sir-Edward: *dies*
Sir-William: And is made of Styrofoam?
Kristi: It is a pool noodle that aspires to be a teacup
Sir-Edward: Lol
Sir-William: Thanks, Kristi, but you'll need to be more specific
Sir-William: But, come to think of it, I have heard of Styrofoam cups
Sir-Edward: A starbucks cup?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snork*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): XD
Sir-William: Yeah that, lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It's not a handle, my dear
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It's a cup with a lid and a straw
Sir-William: But ones with a cylindrical handle?
Sir-William: Maybe a vacuum flask
Sir-William: Lower the pressure to 22 mm hg
Sir-Edward: *tackles Tenny*
Sir-Edward: lol
Sir-William: It's time you told us, Tenny, that way we can see how obvious it is sooner
Sir-William: Oops, you already did
Sir-William: Nevermind, lol
Kristi: Pa Grape: It's BACON!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):
Sir-William: Kristi is closer than I was
Sir-William: Haha
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Well, then, if Kristi was closest, she should go next
Sir-Edward: indeed!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Just kidding, Kristi's in the middle of something. Ed, will you go?
Sir-Edward: By all means
Sir-Edward: Right then....
Sir-Edward: A reflective triangle that has been stretched out height-wise
Sir-Edward: About five to six feet
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A tent!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A Cebu!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A goose!
Sir-Edward: Attached to the bottom is a square-ish shape
Sir-Edward: A what? 0.o
Sir-William: The great pyramid trying to grow
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A DUCK BILL
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A woodpecker!
Sir-William: A bigger duck bill
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Keep going
Sir-Edward: The square-ish shape has been stretched thinner height-wise and is longer lengthwise
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): So it's actually a rectangle?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A campfire!
Sir-Edward: It's non-flammable
Sir-Edward: Protruding from the bottom of that square-ish shape is a brown cylinder
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): An ostrich birdhouse
Sir-William: A lamp?
Sir-Edward: Attached to the bottom of THAT is a sphere of sorts, also reflective
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Define reflective
Sir-Edward: Metallic
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Okay
Sir-Edward: That’s it
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A Hershey's kiss balancing on top of books balancing on a globe!
Sir-Edward: The sphere in quite small
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Are these shapes specific colors?
Sir-Edward: Grayish metallic for all accept the brown cylinder
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A lightning rod
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):
Sir-Edward: Close-ish
Sir-William: I have absolutely no idea
Sir-Edward: It's rod-like in structure.
Sir-William: I think Ed should take a course in technical writing.
Squirrel 4158686: A knife
Sir-Edward: YES!
Sir-Edward: Or a sword
Squirrel 4158686: Yay!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Who are you and how did you know?
Squirrel 4158686: Uh...
Squirrel 4158686: Pay no attention to that squirrel behind the curtain. I am the great and powerful Oz. Listen only to me
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snork*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Nevermind, you don't have to say who you are
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Anyone else want a turn?
Sir-William: Clever, I would never have guessed
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): (William, do you mind logging this evening?)
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Me either, actually
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I'm literally over here drawing this
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I have a scarecrow, a tent, a giant birdhouse...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): A woodpecker...
Sir-William: Sure, I'll log. It'll be like old times
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Yeah it will!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Going once...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Going twiiiiiiiiice
Sir-Edward: Going thrice......
Sir-Edward: Going....quadice?
Sir-William: lol, I'm fine
Sir-William: It was at least a fun idea
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Okay, does anyone have something to share?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It was very fun
Sir-Edward: Nope
Sir-William: Boy, I sure doubt it. I can look, but I haven't been doing much writing
Sir-William: I wonder if Kristi does
Sir-William: I only showed up because you missed me, lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): She has something but not for another few minutes
Sir-William: I mean, Ed and I just finished writing a 4 page visual document for English 103, but...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): We could take five, have a slushy and come back to hear Kristi if you want
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I need a drink
Sir-William: Yeah, good idea
Sir-William: Munch on a noodle, you know
Sir-William: That kind of thing
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I'll be back in three minutes.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Don't get in to ANY TROUBLE
Sir-William: *salutes*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): If Kristi's not here at that point, we'll do a quick writing exercise
Sir-Edward: *starts setting off fireworks*
Sir-Edward: Sets things of FIIIIREEE!!
Sir-Edward: *does happy fire dance*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *comes in and CUTS IT SHORT*
Sir-Edward: *waits......*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): For shame, Edward.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *shakes head in disgust*
Sir-Edward: *runs*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Y’all ready?
Sir-Edward: indeed
Sir-William: lol, actually I started earlier
Sir-William: I'm not good with writing something off a random prompt, so chose something my self
Sir-William: If you don't mind
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I'm totally fine with that!
Kristi: *back*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): There you are!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): We were going to do a writing prompt if you didn't show up
Kristi: Oh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *pulls her legs onto her chair*
Sir-Edward: *puts rockets on Tenny's chair
Sir-Edward: *then LIGHTS THEM*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): This cat is -- WHEEEEEEEEEEE
An Unknown Pevensie: WOW Hullo all
An Unknown Pevensie: I haven't seen these knights here before.
Unknown Pevensie: Gtg. May be back later. Maybe not. See ya’ll!
Sir-William: Bye!
Kristi: Bye! Come again next week!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *waves*
Sir-William: Hey, I'm planning to head out before 11:00, so if you want, I can share this short story that I finished writing just now.
Kristi: Ooh
Kristi: *curls up on a beanbag chair with a floofy blanket and cup of cocoa*
Sir-William: Ok, I'll go then, thanks
Sir-William shares ~
Sir-William: Zev lay on the warm sand of the beach staring at the waves. He wanted so much to dive into their midst and be embraced by them, but he couldn’t. Despite all the many hours of practicing in pools and fresh water lakes, he could not bring himself to dive into those monstrous waves. He sighed, leaned his head back, and closed his eyes.
“Someday,” he thought. Then suddenly, he opened his eyes and looked around. He could hear something. “…I’d like a castle on a hill…..where you and I could spend the day……and I’d like to sail to lands afar….that would be just like a dream come true….” The tune was faint but definitely audible.
Zev stood up from where he had been reading a book on the seashore. The wind was blowing hard, and the sun shone brightly between several billowy clouds. The question was, really, where was the pretty little tune coming from. The blustery wind made it seem to come from all directions, but Zev finally decided that it was definitely coming from the ocean.
He made his way ever deeper into the rolling, blue-green waves in the direction of the mysterious melody, not thinking about anything but knowing where the beautiful sound came from. Finally, he could see it.
An old, worn radio floating amidst the salty spray and managing to keep its two speakers above the water even as it rode up and down each wave. Zev was so taken aback by his discovery that for a moment he just stared at the sailing minstrel.
Then he came to his senses and swam hurriedly for it. “It’s not going to last long in that water,” he said to himself. Grabbing hold of the instrument, he began to swim back for shore while holding it as high above his head as he could with one arm.
His arm was beginning to ache badly from holding up the mildly heavy device when he finally secured the sandy beach. Dripping wet, he clamored up onto the wet beach and listened attentively as the radio sang the last few notes of the song. “When we’re together….oh….oh....oh…..oh…..when we’re together…….”
And then there was silence, and the old radio shut off. Zev turned the switch on the front back and forth several times, trying to reboot the thing, but it was no use. The old radio had breathed its last in the attempt to touch just one more human soul with the world of music. It had called to him across the wind and waves to come to it, and Zev had.
Now its task was completed.
Sir-William: The End
Kristi: It taught him to swim one-armed. Hmm
Sir-William: lol
Sir-Edward: *applause!*
Sir-William: Hadn't thought of it that way
Kristi: There were a couple re-uses of words too close to each other. Wave, and beach
Sir-William: Yup, too true
Kristi: Oh, then why wouldn't he swim? I thought he'd been taking lessons but was scared
Sir-William: Also true
Sir-William: Forget about the logic of the story, it really doesn't make sense
Sir-William: lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *had to deal with a cat and missed the story...*
Sir-William: Haha
Sir-William: There's always the log
Kristi: I think I'd reconcile those two. I didn't know whether the theme was about the radio overcoming his fear versus sharing a last song
Kristi: (also, it would be really interesting if modern-day kelpies took the form of jet skis or something
)Sir-William: Yeah, the radio overcame its fear of swimming
Kristi: lol
Sir-William: Heh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): You're right. I'll read it
Kristi: I like the idea, I think there's some nice stuff in here.
Sir-William: Well, I'm heading out. It was nice seeing you all again, and I'll send you the log up to this point, Tenny. *hugs all* bye!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Thanks for coming tonight, William!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Anyone else have anything?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Alright then Writer's is closed for this evening. See you all next week!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by Tenethia — Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:07 pm
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~ General writerly conversation ~
Squirrel 4248099: *rides in on armored Wyvern* Hark! for I cometh!
Sir-Edward: hail! Tis I!
Sir-Edward: It seems as though I hath arrived early! for non but me dare show their faces hence my approach!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *strolls in*
Sir-Edward: yet the device on my wrist that telleth me that the time is now! and here the leader that shall lead us forward to literary victory!
Sir-Edward: greetings! smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: *is multitasking, hang on*
narniac101: *waves to Ed and Ariel*
Sir-Edward: *waveths back*
Sir-Edward: *waits and feeds Wyvern*
narniac101: I haz puppy. Puppy iz soft. *pets puppy*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lil is supposed to be leading today, so lets just way
Ariel.of.Narnia: *wait*
narniac101: Ahhh.
Sir-Edward: *tries to run as Wyvern tries to nibble on self's armor*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *contacts Lil*
Ariel.of.Narnia: how're you guys?
narniac101: *stares on in silence* o.o
narniac101: For the first time in forever, I can actually be present at Writers. So I think I'm doing pretty good. *bounces*
Ariel.of.Narnia: smiley
narniac101: How're /you/?
Ariel.of.Narnia: ah, alright. not much happening.
Ariel.of.Narnia: hi, Ela!
elanorelle: *wanders in*
Ariel.of.Narnia: well, until Lil shows up... does anyone have anything to share?
narniac101: *waves to Ela*
narniac101: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
narniac101:Had a question. >.>
elanorelle: *waves to everyone* Nice to see all of you. ^-^
Ariel.of.Narnia: shoot, Nia
Sir-Edward: *gets picked up by Wyvern and carried away*
narniac101: I need a good ultimate source of evil. Like an overlord villain who needs to be destroyed...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *mounts a gryphon in pursuit of Ed*
narniac101: And I'm not sure that a pair of wizard twins quite cuts it.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hullo
elanorelle: Hey Tenny.
Sir-Edward: *waves from up high*
Ariel.of.Narnia: "a good ultimate source of evil", huh?
narniac101: TENNYYYYYYYYYYYYS *pounce*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Oof
Ariel.of.Narnia: personally, female villains are plain scary. Just putting that out there
Ariel.of.Narnia:
elanorelle: Heh.
Lil: *dashes in. Trips over shoes falls*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lil! Hi! You can take over now.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *picks up Lil*
narniac101: *waves to Lil*
narniac101: Ah. *keeps that in mind*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sooo
Lil: Hello! everyone! Apologies on my tardiness.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I has an announcement
Sir-Edward: !!!
narniac101: *bounce* I LOVE ANNOUNCEMENTS.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Edward you need to read the forum
Kristi: *dashes in*
Kristi: (manuscript pages fly everywhere)
narniac101: *helps Kristi pick them up*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *picks them up while Tenny makes her announcement*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Ariel, Lil, and I gonna start alternating leading Writer's because Lil and I are jealous of Ariel's popularity.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-wink
Sir-Edward: lol
Kristi: Aren't we all?
Ariel.of.Narnia: O_O I'm popular?
Lil: She's gonna teach us how to be popular
Ariel.of.Narnia:
but, yes, we did make that decision.Ariel.of.Narnia: (sings, "very, very popular like me!"
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): So Lil is in charge tonight aaand we'll figure out who's gonna do it next week next week
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): ♫ LAAAA LAAAAA LAAA LALA LAAA YOU'LL BE POPULAR
narniac101: *ques music*
Lil: She'll show us what shoes to wear
How to fix our hair
Everything that really counts to be popular
Sir-Edward: *runs from Music-crazed Wyvern*
elanorelle: Writer's: The Musical
Lil: Yes, I'm in charge *wield rod of Iron!*
Lil:
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hahaha!
Lil:
Sir-Edward: *calms Wyvern with treat* (Wyvern treats consist of ogre bones, boar meat, and 450,000 year old barley corn baked in basil and hot pepper, and are notoriously hard to gather.)
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *snork*
narniac101: Ed looks like he could use help with his Wyvern. o.o How long does it take to train one of those?
Sir-Edward: Too long :/
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *screams and flees from Lil in mock terror*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *Flees
Lil: *whispers* (what type of bones? Tin bones? thin bones? @ Edward
Kristi: Twins could be evil...depends what they're like
Sir-Edward: I like my Wyvern though, he's just a bit...over exuberant....
narniac101: Maybe he needs a new harness.
Lil: Maybe the sister is eviler
Lil: That even creepier
Kristi: What do they do that's evil?
Kristi: What are the stakes?
Kristi: Are they putting plagues in enchanted butterflies and sending the butterflies out over the kingdom?
Kristi: Or are they stealing their schoolmates’ textbooks and tossing them down the well?
Kristi: Makes a difference
narniac101: More like oppressing the entire kingdom, stuff like that. ... the butterflies might be a nice touch. XD
Lil: PLAGUES FAMINES DISASTORS
Kristi: How do they oppress?
Lil: WAR
Kristi: How old are they? Who are their enforcers?
Kristi: Is one of them plotting to end the other?
narniac101: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Kristi: Are BOTH of them?
narniac101: I was thinking they both keep each others backs safe, both evil... *thinks*
Kristi: Do they braid their hair in teeny rows, or just the one?
Ariel.of.Narnia: o.o
Sir-Edward: Backstabbing is always part of being a evil leader....
Kristi: Not always
Sir-Edward: Just part of the job description...
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol
narniac101: Lol
Lil: There's always "even villains have morals"
Kristi: Yes
Sir-Edward: They just chose not to listen to them...
Lil: They could be backstabbers, but keep everyone from stabbing their tin in the back
Kristi: Oh. are they Tin Twins? I didn't know metallurgy was involved
elanorelle: You could make them seem benevolent to the people, but have ulterior motives.
Lil: Ooh! I have one
Kristi: That's creepy
narniac101: It's more of the kind of villains that people are trying to overthrow, I think.
elanorelle: The best way to oppress is to make people believe they aren't oppressed.
Lil: Exactly!
Lil: Lampshading
narniac101: Maybe they started out that way? And started to not care what their subjects thought later on.
Lil: Or make them feel badly if they do speak out
narniac101: Yessssss... bad stuff happens if you rebel. *hasn't figured out /what/ yet, though*
Lil: They do say absolute power absolutely
Sir-Edward: Maybe they originally where the saviors of the people then got power-crazed and stuuuuf
narniac101: Perhapppppppppps
Sir-Edward: One enemy replaces the other and all that
Lil: *is just going to throw something out here*
narniac101: Ooh
Sir-Edward: By all means throw
Ariel.of.Narnia: That has worked quite well in the past
elanorelle: Think of all the past regimes in history and you may come up with some ideas of how that would work.
elanorelle: Oh! dinner.
elanorelle: I'll be back.
narniac101: *waves*
Sir-Edward: *waves*
Lil: "A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take away everything that you have."
Sir-Edward: An interesting thought
Sir-Edward: Also true
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ditto Ed
narniac101:... ditto Ariel.
Lil: (apparently mis attributed to Jefferson)
Lil: I was thinking while we were mentioning the twins starting out nice
Lil: (please do tell us if we go on to fast, or aren't going in the direction you intended)
Lil: I do think Kristi had some good thoughts
narniac101: No, it's fine. I like all the input. *nodnodnod*
Lil: *empathizes with you because I'm still trying to find out my villain*
narniac101: smiley-razz
Lil: Me: he's just evil
narniac101: I'm not sure I'll even /keep/ the wizard twins, whatever they end up being. I just liked the idea of having dual dictatorship... ness...
Ariel.of.Narnia: You could do quite a bit with twins in power
narniac101: *bonks Lil's villain* EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
narniac101: That's what I was thinking.
Kristi: Could also me a married couple, cousins
Ariel.of.Narnia: Besides stuff like misidentification.
Kristi: A small bird on the back of a black rhinoceros
Ariel.of.Narnia: Which could also be useful, particularly if one has such-and-such skills, while the other has some other power
Kristi: Characters that need each other in political or magical as well as emotional ways
Lil: *nods*
narniac101: O-o-o-oooh
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nodnods*
Sir-Edward: I find A good villain is just as important as a good protagonist, an interesting villain can carry a scene in a book just as much as the main character can if not more so at times.
narniac101: What Kristi said. I approve. That would explain why they haven't managed to knock one off by then.
narniac101: Yessss, yessss. Very much so, Ed. *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you happen to know why anyone would want to overthrow them?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *slips in again after dealing with stupid real life stuff*
narniac101: Probably because they're making the country and surrounding countries miserable.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): test
Ariel.of.Narnia: Good reasons.
narniac101: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: Once you figure out exactly how they're doing that and why, you'll have a better idea of why they're your "really good source of evil"
narniac101: aHa.
Lil: I suppose they could have started out good and got complacent, got comfortable
Lil: (if they're ruling?
Lil: Began to feel entitled
narniac101: Yahhhhhhs *nodnod*
Lil: I mean what do you want the source to be about
Lil: Do you have an idea of the story in your head?
narniac101: The twins aren't the main characters, I'm just trying to figure them out. Me main character is assigned to try to overthrow them, I think.
Lil: So do you want a henchman they answer to?
Lil: Or are they the big bad?
narniac101: Ahhhh...
elanorelle: (back)
narniac101: Pretty sure they're the big bad.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you have a story idea yet or are you just trying to set up your world?
Lil: Yeah
elanorelle: test
narniac101: Hey, Ela!
Lil: Present
elanorelle: smiley
narniac101: Well, erm. Sort of got the idea. /Sort of/. My villains were confusing me.
Lil: Can you tell us about them?
Lil: Or how you felt confused?
narniac101: As in trying to figure out what, who, and why they're there. My actual villain is just this super annoying person based on my RL arch-nemesis.
narniac101: Actual-villain dude then gets stuck going with the main character to overthrow said evil overlords, kind of messes up stuff... ehh...
narniac101: I haven't figured out much more than that <.<
Ariel.of.Narnia: So you have three villains, then?
Ariel.of.Narnia: The wizard twins and then this guy on the quest?
narniac101: Yup.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So what is it about the quest-villain that makes him villainous? And why is he so against the wizards that he goes to overthrow them with the protagonist?
narniac101: If somebody else wants to take it up, they can. I've been here an hour o.o
narniac101: Oh
Lil: *hugs*
narniac101: Because he won the competition to actually go to overthrow them, so of course he's going to take the chance.
narniac101:... actually he tied with the main character.
narniac101: So they're stuck working and plotting together even though they seriously dislike one another.
Lil: That could be pretty interesting!
Lil: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ahh!
Lil: Why do they dislike each other?
narniac101: Master Beake (mister villain
) has been beaten in archery competition by my main character more times than he'd like to say.Lil: Ah!
narniac101: I’ll find more reasons later.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. That's what character-developing's about, right?
narniac101: Yessss!
Lil: I think this could be very interesting
Lil: I think there's a lot of potential coming out of that
narniac101: I hope so!
Lil: So is there something besides the archery that makes him a villain?
narniac101: I found files on my computer today and forgot how cool the world my sister gave me is. Also I felt like writing, soooo...
narniac101: He's rather stuck up in the first place.
narniac101: Comes from a wealthy family, pretty snooty.
Lil: Ah!
Lil: Competition
Ariel.of.Narnia: *could see this turning into a bit of Tony Stark vs. Captain America too*
Lil: So he's the antagonist
narniac101: Lol
narniac101: Yup.
narniac101: Both working against the evil, yet still hating each other in the process.
narniac101: Le enemy of my enemy is my friend, so to say.
narniac101:... even though they still aren't friends.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Often the case in such scenarios
Lil: Reminds me of that one episode of season three of Robin Hood minus the weird stuff with young Robin and young guy
Lil: So why did they decide to go against these twin oppressors?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nods at the Robin Hood ref*
narniac101: Both of them got picked out of the archery competition, thus they win and are stuck going to fight. *nodnod*
narniac101: They didn't know the competition was actually a shnooksy way of finding which people to recruit.
Lil: Can you tell us more about the competition?
Lil: Ah!
Ariel.of.Narnia: But what is it that the people feel is so terrible that the competition winner(s) must go to face the wizards?
Lil: So who actually was holding it?
narniac101: I think they were foreign people... *isn't sure*
Ariel.of.Narnia: If the wizards are a new threat, I can see a resistance, but then why just one (or in our case, two) to face the wizards?
narniac101: Ahhhhhhhhh...
Ariel.of.Narnia: On the flip side, if the wizards have been doing bad stuff for a while, why are they only acting now? Or at any rate, trying it this way this time?
narniac101: Maybe they get an army to command... nahp... erm.
narniac101: Maybe there were previous attempts with force.
narniac101: And now they're taking the sneak-route.
elanorelle: Would they have other help or is it just them?
narniac101: I think they might join forces on the way to the capital place.
narniac101: I want my main character to meet up with a little gnome-wizard (the good kind) as a sort of morality test to see if she'll help him, even if it means she'll be late to the capital.
narniac101: [insert something interestingly amazing to happen to the main character]
narniac101:.... eh
narniac101: I've been here too long
narniac101: Kristi can have the floor if she wants.
narniac101: smiley
narniac101: Or whoever. >.>
Kristi: *blinks*
Kristi: Kristi: hi
narniac101: Thanks, everybody!
narniac101: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia Hope we've helped.
narniac101: *carries off interesting ideas and dumps them where she can get them later*
narniac101: Oh yesssss
narniac101: Yesssss, Precioussss, very much.
narniac101: *steps down and goes to listen now*
Lil: Anyone else?
Lil: Any last thoughts?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not at present
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokes Ela, Ed, and Kristi*
Sir-Edward: Hmm?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *bonks chat*
Kristi: I have something to share
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *wallops laptop*
Kristi: Not last thoughts on Nia
elanorelle: Are you asking if we have anything to share? If so, I don't currently.
Lil: Anyone else besides, our beloved Fisherdess?
elanorelle: I'm working on something, though. Probably won't finish in time.
Lil: Who wishes to share after?
Kristi: Or before
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Not I, unfortunately, though I planned to have something
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm playing with a prompt, so it's up to Ed and Kristi.
Sir-Edward: Not I
Lil: Then without further ado, Fisherdess, you may take the floor
Sir-Edward: Indeed.
Kristi: OK. I finished chapter 1!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Woot!
Kristi: Did we leave off with Maicen dragging Tarse back to Tarse's house? But we haven't met the mother yet?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Nope, not read that part yet
Kristi: Ok
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*nods*
Kristi shares ~
Kristi's segment has been edited out by personal request
Ariel.of.Narnia: In that case then, Writers' dismissed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Wed Feb 17, 2016 4:43 am
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Kristi: *peers*
Sir-Edward: *rides in on armored dragon*
Sir-Edward: HARK!
Sir-Edward: Forsooth! Doest I harketh a void?!
Sir-Edward: Nay! Let it not be so! For I long for a company of writers about these halls!
Sir-Edward: Yet it seems that I may hark in vain! For 'tis naught but silence that meets my empty cries!!
Kristi: Hockey stick!
Sir-Edward: Kristi!
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Kristi: Harold Angel! Well met!
Sir-Edward: You as well! Shepherd of many… er, fish.
Kristi: I was told the meeting started at 5:32
Kristi: *looks around*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *applauds Ed's monologue* I beg thee, good sir, continue!
Sir-Edward: No need fair maiden! For indeed, companions have come and these once dark halls are now filled with light and sound!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *fawns over him as the fair maiden she apparently is* But thine eloquence, good sir! No prince could do finer!
Kristi: *thought self was the fair maiden...*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyhoot. Does anyone have anything to share or brainstorm tonight?
narniac101: Uhhhhhhhh nerp. *shakes head*
Sir-Edward: My cup doth not runneth over...
narniac101: I never had the cup of prose in the first place, soooo...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, but havest thou the cup of poetry, Nia?
narniac101: Nah, I didn't get that one either.
Kristi: *raises hand*
narniac101:*quiets down for Kristi*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, Kristi, fire away!
Kristi: Ok, so last week we came up with the idea of the heir and the spare...
Kristi: And medieval DNA testing
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha
Kristi: So I wrote a couple of scenes exploring that.
Kristi: What's the post procedure?
Ariel.of.Narnia Well, I give you the floor as of now. You can either post in one big chunk (Ed and Will prefer this method) or you can break up your posting by paragraphs (that's the method I live by)
Ariel.of.Narnia: And then you let us know when you are ready for comments, questions, suggestions, and the like
Ariel.of.Narnia: (*waves at Ela*)
Kristi: k
elanorelle: *waves back*
elanorelle: Hey all.
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Kristi: Hi Ela!
narniac101: Hullo!
Ariel.of.Narnia: So whenever you're ready, Kristi.
Kristi's segment has been edited out by request
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Mon Feb 08, 2016 1:57 am
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Writer's Group opens ~
elanorelle: *sits down in a comfortable armchair*
elanorelle: *waves to Squirrel*
gypsevedius: *wanders in*
elanorelle: *waves to the unicavvey* Hi, Gyps!
gypsevedius: Hi, Ela! *waves back*
gypsevedius: Is writer's happening? O.o
elanorelle: In a bit over 10 minutes, yeah.
elanorelle: *wonders if anyone else will come*
Squirrel 4158686: I will!
Squirrel 4158686: Am I a squirrel?
elanorelle: Looks like it.
Kristi: And now?
Kristi: *pulls up a beanbag chair*
elanorelle: Hey, Kristi.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*rushes in*
Ariel.of.Narnia:*pops in*
elanorelle: Hey Tenny and Ariel.
Ariel.of.Narnia: ‘allo!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Thanks for holding down the fort -- regardless of whether or not there was very much fort to hold
Ariel.of.Narnia:*looks at sidebar* oh.
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I did tell the boys -- speak of the Sir Ed!
elanorelle: Haha.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Heya, Edbro!
Sir-Edward: Hey!
Sir-Edward: Looks like a few people showed up!
elanorelle: Hi Ed.
Sir-Edward: *waves*
Ariel.of.Narnia: So
Ariel.of.Narnia: Who's got something to share?
Kristi: I've got something to brainstorm...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alright, Kristi, shoot!
Sir-Edward: Oh hey Kristi! Captain on the bridge!
Kristi: Hey, Number One!
Sir-Edward: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: *snerk*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Edited Out
Ariel.of.Narnia: If there's nothing else for anyone to go over tonight, then we'll dismiss Writers'. Tenny has provided me with two Narnian fic prompts, if anyone's interested in pursuing them for next week:
1- What was Lucy's side of giving water to Eustace when the water was being rationed? You can use Lucy's POV or someone else's.
2- What happened to Lasaraleen after Aravis left Tashbaan?
Kristi: *waves pom-pom for Las*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alrighty, then, Writers' dismissed!
Writer's Group closed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Sat Feb 06, 2016 5:33 am
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Ariel.of.Narnia: Whoa, are there really people here?!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *long awkward silence later* okay then.
elanorelle: I'm here.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hello, hello.
Lil: Present!
elanorelle: *waves*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *waves* hi, Lil! Sorry I totally forgot to remind you last week
Lil: *huffs and puffs* I'm here!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee
Ariel.of.Narnia: I don't know if anyone else is coming today or not. Haven't heard.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So, do either of you have something to share this week?
elanorelle: Um, I do. Not finished, exactly. I could use about ten more minutes to clean it up.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. How about you, Lil?
Lil: Nothing new smiley-sad
Lil: But I want to get back into story of mine maybe
Lil: I'm not sure
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Anything we can help you with?
Lil: (I'm afraid my muse is drying up)
Ariel.of.Narnia: (I'm currently playing with a prompt from last week myself as I didn't have a chance to write this week)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Uh-oh, we can't have that!
Lil: So the problem is I have this story
Lil: Beginning, middle and endish.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Dear dear
Lil: I have a few scattered scenes between
Lil: But I'm not sure how I can make it a story
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ahh
Ariel.of.Narnia: Are these scenes related?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I mean, clearly so?
Lil: I don't know
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. You comfortable with sharing them and then maybe we can work out something to connect them?
Lil: I mean the starters was a story written was as letters
Lil: But then scenes started popping up I'd noodle away at
Sir-Edward: I'm here!
Sir-Edward: Don't everybody greet me at once!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Ed! We're currently trying to help Lil with a story idea
Sir-Edward: Oh! OK, what's the general idea?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll let Lil explain her situation.
Sir-Edward: ...well, that's very illuminating...
Lil: Well there are of course the usual factors (muse drying up, betas leaving, etc. etc. etc. sp? )
Lil: I have this story with a beginning middle and end
Sir-Edward: Well, yes, but what IS the story? I mean, what's it about?
Lil: Only little bit snippets and scribbles between
Ariel.of.Narnia: We're going to try to help her sew these bits into one story
Sir-Edward: Ok
Lil: I'm not sure I can share all of them
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, then we can work with the ones you can
Lil: (if there is anyone if new writing or something to share, you're welcome to go ahead of me.)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela's editing hers and I'm writing one up, so if you've got anything, you have the floor
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokes Ed*
Sir-Edward: Ah! Sorry!
elanorelle: Hrm. I might be able to go. It isn't finished, but maybe you guys could help me with that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, you two can duke that out.
elanorelle: Ed, if you'd like to go, have at it. But I'm willing if no one else wants to or has something.
Sir-Edward: I'm still working on my story and as yet have not finished anything substantial yet. :\
The Golden Chesspiece: Halloo
Sir-Edward: Hey chess!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Chess! Come to join us for writers'?
elanorelle: So, I guess I'm going?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, you are, Ela.
Sir-Edward: Indeed
The Golden Chesspiece: Sure!
The Golden Chesspiece: I completely forgot about it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sweet. Elanor's going to share something she wrote, then we'll offer our thoughts on it, and then go from there. No worries.
elanorelle: Okay, I'll begin.
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: He was suspended between sleep and consciousness like a buoy caught between the water and sky. The nothingness of dreamless slumber shifted into half-aware reasoning and part of him wanted to sink back into the hazy trance, but something, whispers rising from the recesses of his being, prodded him, keeping him from slipping away: he could not hear words, but he understood. He needed to wake.
He strained against his feverish mind, but nothing happened. The blackness persisted, pressuring him further down into the depths of a stupor, holding him prisoner. He forced himself to fight the urge to give in, but the torpor persisted and the easy decision to let it take its course, let himself fade away, was overwhelming. Like thoughts drifting on the surface of a tormented mind are washed away with a draught of wine, so too could he. In one painless move, he could let go, allow it to take over and...
No. He wouldn't. It would be betrayal. He knew he could resist. One always has the choice to resist, even stranded, helpless in a silent world of the mind's imagining. He concentrated, intent on rousing from the nightmare filled with nothing.
A dream-like figure materialized, far off, swamped in the mist of his delusional ideas, and called out to him. The words had no meaning, as if it were speaking in a gibberish tongue. Again, it called, this time a change came over its utterance as it raised one arm toward him, and he knew its purpose.
A feeling of terror crept over him.
Wake up.
His thoughts raced as he searched for something tangible, something to hold on to that could pull him out of this place.
Wake up.
A flicker of something flashed before his closed eyes.
Wake up.
He focused.
Wake up.
A face. The defiant look. Those words.
Wake up.
His heartbeat quickened.
Wake up.
He deepened his breaths and remembered the face. Her face. Her courage.
Wake up.
Voices. He heard them now. The sickening murmurs surrounded him.
Wake up.
His eyes finally fluttered open to a room filled with darkness. An absence of both light and humanity.
His body was now as alert as his mind and his heart raced, finally understanding where he was. The feeling came back to his arms – he winced as he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and clenched his fists. They were secured to the cold, steel table. He tried to lift his head, but his neck was clamped down to such a degree that he thought he would choke if he moved it any higher. He shivered at the precision. They were always precise.
elanorelle: And - end - sorta. That is all I have so far besides fragments of ideas.
- discussionification -
Ariel.of.Narnia: *gulp* that bit about how they were always precise. That was a little chilling
Sir-Edward: Indeed
Lil: *shivers alongside Ariel* Who is this? Where is this? *is so nervious but so excited*
Lil: And one question
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela, is he in a situation we're supposed to recognize or are we just supposed to focus on his semi-conscious thoughts?
elanorelle: @Lil: He's another nameless character of mine.
elanorelle: @Ariel: focus on his thoughts
Lil: I love this!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *has wild theories running around like plot bunnies in her mind*
Lil: *is a very bad critic*
Lil: It just makes me wonder who are they?
elanorelle: Sorry if I don't answer everything. I have to keep reloading my chat. -.-
Lil: who is the villian?
Lil: *rubs hands. So exciting*
The Golden Chesspiece: Oh cool! @Ela, that piece really puts me in the character's place. I automatically imagine the feeling you describe. A good attention grabber (which is great if this is the beginning of the work) and makes me want to read more. (Hint hint) Hahaha
elanorelle: Thanks, Chess.
elanorelle: @Lil: I don't know who the villain will be, at least, not this far in.
elanorelle: I basically know what you guys know.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hahahaha
The Golden Chesspiece: Ohh okay
The Golden Chesspiece: So that is the start to someting...?
Elanorelle: I don't even know how I got the idea to write this, but there it is.
elanorelle: Could be.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I might have to read it again before I can offer much more, I'm afraid.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Is there any particular feedback you're hoping for, Ela?
elanorelle: Hmm. How did it make you feel? Is there anything that should be changed to make it flow better? Any ideas about the situation he's in? Other offerings of advice are also welcome.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *scrolls back up*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I do have to say that I like the long sentences at the beginning and then the shorter ones as he fights his way back to wakefulness.
not only is it good contrast and tension-building, but it also reflects those feelings that he has.
Ariel.of.Narnia: As for situation (I told you I had ideas running about), I'm thinking captive, alien abductee, some kind of medical reasons (though he is on a cold, steel table, so... make of that what you will)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Or he's insane
elanorelle: The long and short sentences were not intentional, but I'm glad you felt it worked for the good of the narrative.
Lil: It worked well
Lil: *wondering* you mention a face and a defiant look and words then later "He deepened his breaths and remembered the face. Her face. Her courage." I assume they are the same person
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, it worked out very well indeed. The feeling of drifting, of in-betweenness, of limbo... giving way to "no, I have to fight this, this isn't right!"
Ariel.of.Narnia: I was wondering about the face too. Thanks for bringing that up, Lil
elanorelle: Interesting ideas, those. Not sure about "insane", though it might be plausible. He mentioned a "her", so I feel I'll have to explore that. @Lil: yeah, they are the same.
Lil: I thought captive of a villain
Ariel.of.Narnia: Terror... and yet he remembers courage. /That/ is definitely something to explore
Lil: But I tend towards melodrama or angst
Ariel.of.Narnia: @ Lil Is he terrified of her or of something that became of her or that he's seeing her like this after whatever events?
Lil: I thought maybe the her wasn't a villain there (thought it could be) but someone somewhere before whatever happened
Lil: A friend? A family member? A companion?
elanorelle: Lil has it correct.
Elanorelle: That's what was intended, though I know little about "her".
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, I was thinking that too. But why the terror. I want to know why he feels terror!
The Golden Chesspiece: What 'her'?
Lil: *goes back to read*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Chess: before Ela's protagonist wakes up, he "sees" in a dream/vision sense an unidentified woman
The Golden Chesspiece: Oh was that presented before?
elanorelle: @Ariel: It was terror at the figure's purpose. What that purpose was...
Lil: Was it terror at the figure's purpose?
The Golden Chesspiece: Very interesting
Lil: I don't think his eyes were open till the end right?
Lil: (although you can sometimes sense things with your eyes closed)
elanorelle: Right, his eyes were not open. It was a dream-induced vision.
Lil: (sorry if I'm no help, my brain is already imagining little ideas and plot bunnies
Lil: Like the that the terror was because he was waking up and his senses or mind remembered something before his brain did and that
Lil: *just thinking thoughts*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *slips in quietly*
Ariel.of.Narnia: But what is her intent? What happened to/with her that frightens him so? What does she want of/with him?
Ariel.of.Narnia: (hi, Tenny)
Ariel.of.Narnia: I obviously don't expect answers to my questions now.
elanorelle: Hmm, didn't think of that. I was thinking the figure was something that meant something more sinister.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So not so much her as much as what his seeing her res?
gypsevedius: (*sneaks in and sits in the corner with cloak hood low*)
elanorelle: The figure and the woman are separate entities.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh! Well then that makes more sense.
Lil: That's what I was getting
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's what I thought at first, and then something was said that made me think they were the same
Lil: *was a bit confused!*
elanorelle: Ah, okay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, sorry...
Lil: *patpats*
elanorelle: No prob.
elanorelle: smiley
elanorelle: The figure was more of a materialization of why he needed to wake, or so I think.
Lil: I wish I still had those notes someone gave me once about the stages of unconciousness
Ariel.of.Narnia: *bonks chat*
Ariel.of.Narnia: So the figure provides a motive. Perhaps it and the woman are connected?
elanorelle: They may be.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm thinking the woman is really the motivator, but the figure applies extra punch.
elanorelle: *nods*
Lil: Motivator?
elanorelle: One being malign, the other benign.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Motivator to wake him up
Ariel.of.Narnia: Perhaps he feels the need to wake so he can help her from whatever the figure res. or that he needs to know what has come of her. or something...
Lil: I'm going to assume something happened to knock him out
Ariel.of.Narnia: At this point, I definitely with you there!
Lil: Not to long ago the woman was standing up to something/someone
Lil: Somebody said defiant words
Lil: Him or the woman (I assume family or someone) or someone said something defiant
elanorelle: So many good thoughts! Some of which are along the lines of what I wanted to explore.
Lil: He remembers this and these are the first things he remembers on waking, and trying to remember where he is
Lil: Maybe it was even sometime before whatever they do that is efficient and leaves him on the table
Ariel.of.Narnia: *likes Lil's wording*
elanorelle: Hmm.
elanorelle: *does too*
Lil: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Does that give you some fuel to go off of or do you need more?
elanorelle: *writes down ideas for this story to go back to later*
Lil: Take them! they're all free ideas
Ariel.of.Narnia: Chess and Tenny, do either of you have a story or poem or other writing to share?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Not I! Said the little red hen o.o
Ariel.of.Narnia: *tries to remember why that sounds familiar*
elanorelle: I'm going to disappear for a little for dinner.
Ariel.of.Narnia: okay. we'll be here when you get back.
- commercial break -
Ariel.of.Narnia: I do have a short little something I can share in the meantime though, if you're good with that
Lil: Oh sure
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, so the prompt was to write a 100-250-word story beginning with the first sentence
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: They had nothing to say to each other. Surprising, considering all the talking that had to have happened beforehand, but the silence was clearly long stale before Corin happened upon them in the stables.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aravis’ lips were sealed tight. Her nose, usually held quite high in these situations, was positioned where normal people would place theirs. She was busily brushing down her glossy, red-brown mare, though judging from her glazed eyes and monotonous – if vigorous – motions, Corin could only surmise that one portion of the mare’s lovely coat was glossier than ever.
In the stall directly across, Cor had planted his feet firmly in front of his piebald stud and watched with excessive interest as the horse drank from the pail he held. Corin couldn’t quite see his face, but he was sure that he recognized the threat of a sulky pout. Even with all that, though, his head seemed to twitch, just a very little and it became clear that, despite the impossible angle, Cor’s eyes were not on his horse after all.
Corin rolled his eyes and smirked all at once. So that’s what this was about. A decade of watching these two had taught Corin a few things, so even if they had nothing to say, he did. He cleared his throat and exclaimed, “Oh, for pity’s sake, Aravis, just say yes!”
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end.
elanorelle: Hehe
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm open to any comments. If there are none, we'll close for the night
elanorelle: I quite liked it.
elanorelle: Made me smile. I feel it's true to their characters.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Woohoo!
elanorelle: Is there anything specific you're looking for?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not really, unless you didn't like the way something sounds or flows or something could be described better
elanorelle: *reads it again*
elanorelle: Hmm. I don't know that I have much else to say.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: In that case then, Writers' dismissed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Sun Jan 31, 2016 4:19 am
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Ariel.of.Narnia: Should we wait to see if anyone else shows up?
Sir-Edward: Dunno
Sir-Edward: You’re in charge after all
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokepokes Tenny*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *is showed up!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, I know.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Behold! I am here!
Ariel.of.Narnia: I guess I might as well ask if any of you have anything to share
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *looks skyward*
Sir-Edward: I do!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Would you like to see my journal...?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, heavens, no! o.O
Ariel.of.Narnia: Unless you've got a funny anecdote in there...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): YESEDWARDHASSOMETHINGTOSHAREEEEEEEE
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): No, nothing funny, unfortunately
Ariel.of.Narnia: All I've got is my Christmas fic, so...
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokes Ed* got anything to share today?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Sir-Edward: Ah! Yes!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, share away!
Sir-Edward: I do as a matter of fact!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Yesssssssssss
Sir-Edward: It's not very long an I have no idea where it's going but here it is
Sir-Edward shares ~
Sir-Edward: My name is Bartholomew wing, and This is a story about my uncle.
My uncle Wing, Jack John Wing that is, was an adventurer, and was constantly disappearing on "trips" as he called them. He was also an inventor and would spend hours and hours in his study tinkering with the seemingly random objects that he procured on his journeys. He was an odd fellow, not to say he was mad, (though in my experience, all genius comes with a bit of madness.) but he was...odd. Distant sometimes, like he could never just stop thinking. Like no matter what was going on, hundreds and thousands of approximations, estimations, and calculations were zooming through his head like a cave full of restless bats. He was also a rather impulsive man, and often made up his mind to perform extensive, (and in my opinion, rather extreme) actions on a whim. Now for most people this would normally end with a lot of wasted effort and quite a lot of wasted money to boot. however my uncle wing was not like most people, when he made one of his "impulse" decisions, it was as if he had already made every single calculation necessary for the idea to work, and therefore, should not give a second thought as to it's sudden and immediate departure from thought to action. a clear example of this occurred not long ago, I was tinkering with a small, bronze gearbox my uncle had given to me as a challenge (he often gave me gifts like these, and was fond of saying to me that a gift wrapped in a puzzle was twice as rewarding as a gift simply handed to you, and I rather agreed.) my uncle had just spent his customary few hours in his study, (which was more of a laboratory then a study.) and just then came marching triumphantly out of the dark room behind him with a gleam in his eyes and a mysterious smile on his face. "Ah, nephew, come, I shall need your help if I am to build my observatory!" he said with an heir of an intrepid explorer about to embark on a new frontier. I had long since learned not to try to talk him out of it, if uncle wing ordained to build an observatory, he would find a way to do so; he always did.
It took us one long year of hard work to complete the observatory but in the end, a beautiful, pristine white tower loomed high over "Wing manor".(though Wing "manor" was not much more then a small villa.)
me and my uncle stood on a high green hill not far away from, and overlooking, the "manor". "a beautiful thing to be sure!" my uncle sighed with great satisfaction. he patted me heartily on the back as if he was looking out upon a newly discovered world and I had done some great part in getting us there. (a thought I that, though I did not realize at the time, was not so fantastic in nature then I first imagined.) uncle wing gave me one last mysterious smile and a pat on the shoulder, then slowly walked down the emerald-green hill toward wing manor.
it was then that the strange happenings that started the adventure of which am writing about now started to occur.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, I love it! The cooky old uncle (who's like Uncle Andrew without the creepy) and the air of mystery and tease at discovery!
gypsevedius: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Will this be something like a steampunk world?
Ariel.of.Narnia: (Hi, Gyps!)
Sir-Edward: I have no idea
Sir-Edward: I just wrote it on a whim
gypsevedius: (Hiiiiiiiiiii, Ariel)
Ariel.of.Narnia: I just ask because of the gearbox, mainly, even thought that's by no means exclusively steampunk.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Edward, I LOVE your usage of similes!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): "calculations were zooming through his head like a cave full of restless bats."
Sir-Edward: Thanks
Ariel.of.Narnia: I really love this build-up. If this were a physical book, I'd definitely have turned the page long before now.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Oh yeah, DEFINITELY
Sir-Edward: *glows*
Ariel.of.Narnia: And ditto Tenny on the similes.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Honestly, Ed, right now your main thing is technicalities. Punctuation and stuff like that. You have a specific style that always leaves me wanting to just read what you have written the whole day long. I LOVE reading your work. The characters are so vivid, and the narration is so exciting. I like exciting narration!
Sir-Edward: THANKS!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *dittoes Tenny on that again*
Sir-Edward: Anywho, enough about that, anybody else have cool stuff?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, c'mon, Ed, bask in the praise.
Sir-Edward: LOL
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: Like I said, I've only got a Christmas fic, so unless y'all are okay with reading that half a month after Christmas...
Sir-Edward: Sure!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay then. I just have to make this disclaimer: the original character in here is not mine and the fic was written as a Christmas gift to the author who owns said original character. And the story is not a reflection of my thoughts on the subject matter so much as it is meant to fit into her universe.
Sir-Edward: Pray, continue!
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: She grasped the paper in her fingers and looked all about her. /This can’t be right./ Despite having lived at Cair Paravel for quite some time and the simplicity of the map she held, the hallway in which Linnet found herself was unfamiliar and did not seem to fit in with the directions she had been given. She would have allowed herself the faint embarrassment of asking someone for assistance – even risked revealing whatever surprise was apparently in store – but there was no sign of anyone in the vicinity. It was Christmas Day, after all, and early, thanks to Edmund having awoken herself and his fellow sovereigns at dawn with that little golden bell of his – a tradition, apparently, from the Other Place.
Linnet retraced her steps until she was sure her surroundings matched the map, but when she tried to follow it again, it was only to return to the same, unfamiliar hallway. This time, however, she realized that the hallway did not lead to a dead end as she had assumed before. She lifted her skirts and trotted to the hallway’s end to the half-hidden opening to a corridor. /I do hope he hasn’t been waiting long./ She quickened her steps as the map led her down the corridor, through an empty guest room, up a few service stairs, and then into a small sitting room.
A warm fire and its almost-sweet smell greeted Linnet the moment she walked in to the quietly furnished room, its only trimmings being a few boughs of holly and a fine, silver tea service upon the table. But for all the contrast of the cheery fire against the snow outside the window or of the holly against the whitewashed stone hearth, her eyes had been immediately drawn to the man who stood by the fire, leaning with his arm against the mantelpiece: for he was magnificence against the humble setting and yet also, equally simply, Peter.
“You made it.”
“I hope you weren’t waiting long, my lord.”
Peter smiled and took her hand. “None of that, Linnet. Right now, right here, I’m just Peter.” She returned his smile and allowed him to lead her to the divan while she tried to think of something to say. “How did you enjoy the book?” he asked.
She turned her eyes on him in surprise but immediately caught the teasing twinkle they held. “Oh, immensely. I cannot wait to finish the story.”
Peter was pouring two cups of tea, but he looked up to feign hurt. “My lady, if your book is as engaging as that, I will not detain you any further.”
She smoothed her wine-red skirts over the creamy cushions. “I rather like the path it has taken.”
“And what path is that?”
Linnet accepted the teacup Peter offered her and took a tentative sip, but Peter had draped an arm over the back of the divan and was searching her eyes with the intensity she knew so well. She leaned back to be closer to him. “I had thought the story would be one of history long past, but a little page fell out and onto my lap and instead revealed a mystery. The journey has been most intriguing.”
A smile played at the corner of his mouth. “Then have you solved the mystery?”
His eyes were only inches away. “You tell me.”
They sat like that a moment longer before he chuckled and produced a box no larger than the palm of his hand from his pocket. “Well, since my note led you here, it’s only fair I give you this in return.”
Surprised, Linnet sat up again, set down her cup, and untied the pale blue ribbon and lifted the lid of the box. Inside, cushioned in folds of forest green velvet, lay the likeness of a lion cast in crystal. In wonder, she gently lifted it from the box to examine it closer, then, having discovered the silver thread that hung from a little ring on the ornament, held it up so the flickering light from the hearth danced in the crystal face. “Oh, Peter, it’s beautiful!” she breathed. He said nothing, but she read the pleasure in his eyes. Once the ornament was safely nestled in its bed again, she gave him a sly glance. “So this was what you wanted to meet in secret for?”
Peter closed the box and took her hand. She noticed that his thumb brushed along her ring. The one he gave her when he proposed. “I might have given it to you this morning with everything else, but I wanted this to be special, just between us.”
She leaned back, nestled against the arm he had stretched behind her. “Another tradition?”
“I hope so. With all the preparations and courtly duties and gifts and feasts – and Edmund waking us all at an unearthly hour with that deuced bell of his –, I just wanted a quiet moment away from it all. Just you and me.”
His eyes were so serious, so clear, and so very blue, especially when he leaned toward her. It was all she could do to meet him halfway and whisper, “I’d like that.”
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end
Sir-Edward: *applause*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hee, thanks.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed, do you happen to have anything else to share or shall we move on to something else?
Sir-Edward: Nope
Sir-Edward: Now what?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, well, unless Tenny has any ideas, I've got a couple prompt sites pulled up.
Sir-Edward: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokepokes Tenny*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): o.o
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Um...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hiiiiiiiii
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): If you'd email me that segment, family stuff happened -- I'll have to comment after a bit...
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I should be here more now
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, sure.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sorry.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Nah, that's fine
Ariel.of.Narnia: Any ideas to spruce up this session of writers' or should we go with prompts?
Sir-Edward: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumm
Sir-Edward: Nope
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hopefully these sites will have a couple things to pique your interest, Ed.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Prompts!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lol, okay
Sir-Edward: Shoot
Ariel.of.Narnia: *randomly picks a few*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Option 1: write a mini-story (100-250 words) beginning with "they had nothing to say to each other
option 2: Cook up your own "get-rich-quick scheme"
option 3: Write about the only time you hosted Thanksgiving. Start with the line, "For my first Thanksgiving as host, I bought the biggest turkey they had in the store," and end your story with "And that's why we all ate hamburgers."
option 4: You are renting a room in someone’s house as you transition to living in a new city. The owner tells you that basement is absolutely, 100% off limits. You don’t bat an eye at this request, until you start hearing noises from the basement at night. After several week of this, you sneak downstairs to see what’s going on. Finish the scene.
option 5: Write a story about letting go, using a factory worker and a locket as the key object
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Ooh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Those are really good ones
Sir-Edward: Hmmmm...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Any of them interest you, Ed?
Sir-Edward: I like them but I can't think of a story to go with them.
elanorelle: *wanders in*
Sir-Edward: Hey!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Ela! We're just discussing possible prompts. Unless you've got something to share first?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey, Ela!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *is considering option 4*
elanorelle: Hello! I've got nothing to share this session.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: would it help to think of certain characters in these situations? Or perhaps a couple of these could work with the idea of the bit that you shared earlier?
Sir-Edward: Characters I can create easily, storyline is always the hard bit
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, haha!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Perhaps it'd help if you make titles for these options? You seem to do that pretty well too!
Sir-Edward: Okay, I'll have a go
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. We good to go for a 30-min time limit?
Sir-Edward: Only the cellar one really has a theme clear enough to give a name to
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *will probably have to slip out and share next week* >.>
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aw, okay, Tenny. Looking forward to what you'll cook up!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *writes what she can anyway*
elanorelle: How long do you expect this to go? I've got to leave for a bit, hoping to get back.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *inserts playback on Will and Ed's teasings about how long I take*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I don't know, to be honest
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ed: you good to start?
Sir-Edward: Maaaaybeee?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Well, I've set a timer for myself, so I'll start on my end.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *hugs everyone and dashes out*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey-dokey!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Bye, Tenny!
Sir-Edward: *waves!*
elanorelle: See you!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yikes, 25 minutes and I'm only winding up!
elanorelle: I've been stuck for 15 minutes now. I have the "required" word count, (I chose the 1st option), but I can't get past the last part.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh dear. What do you mean "can't get past the last part"?
Sir-Edward: I can't get past the first part
Sir-Edward: What comes after "once upon a time?"
Ariel.of.Narnia: And I can't seem to reach my ending.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha. Often "once upon a time", comes "there lived a girl named _____" or "there lived a king and queen" or "a single drop of sunlight fell to the ground".
elanorelle: Well, I can't think of anything that will have it at 250 and not over. Granted, I'm putting a story idea I've had to words, so that is one reason it will likely go over.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ela: max word limits are so hard!
elanorelle: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll forgive you going over the limit if that helps.
elanorelle: Good, 'cause I'm already over the limit.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aaaaaaand now that I've reached the ending, I don't know where to go with it
elanorelle: I think I'm done.
elanorelle: Might go back to check things.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Just shout when you're ready to share.
Ariel.of.Narnia: How are you coming along, Ed?
Sir-Edward shares ~
Sir-Edward: So far I got: There once was an author who ran out of ideas.
Sir-Edward: The End
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aww. I'll have to find more plot-centric prompts from here on.
Sir-Edward:'tis fine smiley-razz
elanorelle: I think I'm ready.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Share away!
elanorelle: Okay, here goes.
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: They had nothing to say to each other, nothing that could make a difference or change the situation: every argument for and against had been gone over with raised voices and held-back tears. Now all that was heard around the table were the clinking of utensils against the dishes and an occasional sniffle coming from Mrs. Kirke.
Digory looked up to see his mother's face downcast and her hands below the table, grasping a handkerchief no doubt. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but the words he formed in his mind could not form on his lips. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Can I not have one good word? That's all I ask. Just one good word.”
His voice cut through the room and she looked up, there were tears welling in her eyes again. “My dear boy, say you won't go. There are others out there more suited for this type of thing, you shouldn't have to go. You have your fellowship at the university - your pupils to tutor. If not me, think of them.”
“Mother, I gave you my reasons: the halls are empty. There is no one for me to teach. And, by now, it's too late.” He looked over to his father who had not uttered a word in either of their favour throughout the duration of the evening. “You would know better than either of us, please tell mother there's nothing I can do.”
His father brought his glass down from his lips and nodded. “The boy's right, Mable, my darling. At this stage, he's practically on the shores of France.” He took her hand in his own and stroked it with his thumb as he whispered, “Our boy, he's a second lieutenant. Is that not reason to be proud? Can you not be proud of him as you were of me those years ago?”
elanorelle: Annnd, that's all.
Sir-Edward: *Applause!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Awwwww!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not exactly of the cute variety, but awwwww just the same
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *Rushes back in and applauds*
Sir-Edward: *waves!*
elanorelle: Thanks, guys.
elanorelle: Hey, Tenny. ^_^
Ariel.of.Narnia: I kinda felt this had something do with a war as soon as Diggs asked for a good word.
elanorelle: Yeah? I guess that's good.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Might just be because I know you like that sort of thing. But even with that, this is a good little moment between the Kirkes
Ariel.of.Narnia: I feel for both sides, honestly.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm with Mabel on the whole, "no, don't go!" thing. And I'm also with Diggs on the whole, "buuuut, I have to, don't you see?" bit
Ariel.of.Narnia: But then, I also have reader's knowledge that Diggs obviously makes it back out okay.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *writes as fast as she possibly can*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *does the same*
elanorelle: @Ariel: Very true. Well, I'm glad you think that. I've been wanting to write a story like this for a while. Never got around to it till now.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Glad to have given you that opportunity!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *write-write-writes*
Sir-Edward: I should probably get some sleep before it turns midnight.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Sorry I don't have anything for you before you go, Ed.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Good night and hopefully see you next week!
Sir-Edward: I'll be there!
Ariel.of.Narnia: (hopefully with more of that story you started? )
Sir-Edward: I hope!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *almost done!*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Night, Edward! Thanks for sharing!!
elanorelle: Night, Ed!
Ariel.of.Narnia: How you doing there, Tenny?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Allllmost done
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Like two more sentences and a read-over
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Ready!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ready and go!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *took the first prompt, she thinks*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod) shares ~
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): She stood glaring at the boy in the mirror, one eyebrow raised imperiously. She held one hand to her hip and tapped her fingers impatiently against her side.
The boy behind her glared back, crossing his arms defiantly. It was her fault after all -- why need he apologize? /She asked what I thought. I told her. If she thinks I'm wrong -- well. That's her problem, then isn't it? Well... isn't it?/
/If he thinks he can just say that to me, he is wrong. Ugh! I've had enough of his foolery./ The girl tossed her black locks over her shoulder and huffed.
A moment of silence passed. The boy sighed, uncrossing his arms. He ducked his head a little, and reached up to rub the back of his neck.
The girl's face softened as well, and, brushing back a wayward curl, turned away from the mirror to face the boy.
He half-smiled at her, abashed. "Look, I'm sorry. That wasn't the kindest thing to say."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry I took that so personally. And what I said wasn't very kind either.
Forgive me, Cor?"
Relief crossed his face, and he smiled. "Of course. Forgive me, Aravis?"
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): The end.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: I knew it was Cor and Aravis!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *hides behind her laptop self-consciously*
elanorelle: Hehee!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Did you?
Ariel.of.Narnia: You handled that very nicely. I haven't attempted a fight scene between them yet because I'm still trying to figure out how to fashion that all out.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah. Who else could it be?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): It was harder than I anticipated.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I... don't even know what they were fighting over
Ariel.of.Narnia: *grins*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Personally, I don't care. Not at the moment anyway. Later tonight, I might want to know.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): What can I work on?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I did really like the body language. Crossed arms, tapping fingers, neck-rubbing, moving hair
Ariel.of.Narnia: I wonder if you tried a bit more of that instead of giving us their thoughts?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Keep us observers in the room, like what Corin would pick up on if he was in there instead of us?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Oooh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *leans forward and thinks about this*
Ariel.of.Narnia: What do you think, Ela?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I'm not exactly sure /how/ to do that, but I think... if I think about it hard enough and try some stuff, I could get it
Ariel.of.Narnia: It's something to play around with, at any rate
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *nodnodnods*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *looks at Ela*
elanorelle: Agreed with Ariel on what she mentioned. I might also add that you could use more descriptive nouns and verbs instead of adverbs.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *nods*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *glances over her piece and nods again* Yeah.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Cool ^.^ thanks, Ela, and Ariel
Ariel.of.Narnia: Welcome!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *glances over Ariel's shoulder at what she's writing*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm almost done. *is embarrassed both by the amount of time she took and of what junk she produced*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *will be right back*
Ariel.of.Narnia: So... I've got something. It's super rough and might contradict itself and is absolute garbage…
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Back
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And it's absolutely not garbage
Ariel.of.Narnia: Iiiiiiiii beg to differ
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Well
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Share with us!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela disappeared. *just noticed*
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. You asked for it. *sheepishly holds it out for inspection*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I knew there were all sorts of types in the big city. I just didn’t realize exactly how diverse it all could be until I rented a room in the house of a little old lady. It wasn’t the ideal living situation, but as someone struggling to get even student loans coming my way, it was the best I could do. Not that it was bad. The room was of comfortable size and, oh my, did Mrs G----- know how to select a good mattress! And a definite bonus was that if I paid a little extra to help with groceries, she’d turn anything into a masterpiece for the palette.
Of the many types in the big city, Mrs G----- was of the average, normal sort. She had curly, silver-white hair and watery blue-grey eyes. Her face was an absolute labyrinth of wrinkles when she smiled and, my, was she ever cordial! The only thing unusual about her was that she was awfully spry for a lady of her age. Even her house had that smell – you know the one I’m talking about – and decorated very neatly with soft colours and elegant trimmings and mementos of the past.
All that to say, that with all that going for her, I’d was ready for a pleasant stay while I pursued my schooling.
That was a few weeks ago. Now, I’m lucky to get my full eight hours’ sleep in a night, and by no fault of my schooling or my discipline. Almost every night, and at no consistent time, I awaken to sounds coming from downstairs. I can’t describe them, for while I hear something, the house’s insulation is good enough to greatly muffle the noise. And before you ask, it isn’t the furnace, for that I can hear through the vents; nor is it the sound of water, for that always comes from the only bathroom in this house, on the other side of the wall that my bed faces. No, it’s definitely from the basement.
I’ve tried to surprise an answer out of Mrs G-----, but to no avail. You see, before I officially moved in, she had expressly told me that I had the run of the house except for the basement. I’d been fine with that – I’m the one renting from her after all – but she never gave me a straight answer about the noises I heard. I’ve even tried to catch her on contradictory answers, but even that doesn’t work. The only thing I haven’t done is threaten to find other housing or go down and find out for myself.
Well, it’s 4 am now and that noise – whatever it is – has been going on almost constantly since about 8. Mrs G----- may have denied it when I muted the news earlier, just after supper, but I know that’s when I heard it. All through my homework session – comprised of working to the bone to prep a demonstration for Mr K----‘s class, of all things! – the noises went on and on. Between that difficult assignment, that infernal, muted racket downstairs, and my utter inability to fall asleep, I’ve contracted a pounding headache to rival a techno beat.
Finally – at 4:13, so my phone says – I whip off my covers and throw my leather jacket over my pajamas. Quietly, so as not to wake Mrs G---- in her room across the hall, I slip out of my room and ghost down the hall the way I’ve done since childhood until I reach the forbidden door to the basement. The sounds seem a little less prevalent here, but I know better than to be deceived by that, for all that means is that the source of my discomfort is directly under my room, not by the stairs. I open the door carefully and suddenly wonder why it is not locked if it’s off-limits. But no matter, I must press on.
Now I know that the sounds were not undecipherable only because they were muffled, but because they are strange. I’ve never heard anything like it and I’m not sure I can just say that it’s part of the whole diversity-in-the-big-city thing. And, whoa, what a smell! How the upstairs is unaffected is completely beyond me. There is literally no explanation for this contrast. The scent isn’t entirely – or perhaps even necessarily – bad. Just weird.
But it isn’t until I reach the basement floor and open that door – again, unlocked despite being off-limits – that I realize that the sounds and smells were only the beginning. The basement is completely unassuming but for what looks like a gaping hole in one wall and unusual, strobing lights of unknown origin. A woman dressed in light armour over some outlandish garb let out a wild cry and beat down against her opponent with a massive and totally impractical jewelled sword that gleamed white. Her opponent, meanwhile, was some sort of bipedal monster that barely fit between the floor and ceiling, armed with… well, goodness knew what that thing was. Somewhere between a crossbow and a two-headed axe and a spiked bludgeon of some sort.
I stare, transfixed, until the creature suddenly counter-attacks the woman with a savage blow and a bellow. She cries out as she falls, her sword flying from her grasp and landing with a clang just two feet from me, then its light dies. The woman presses a hand to her wound and tries to crawl away from the monster as it approaches her.
I’m trembling and my knees are ready to give out at any moment, but I can’t just stay here, I know that. So I force my legs to move, then my arms, then my fingers. The woman’s white sword is surprisingly light considering its size and general bulkiness. I creep along the wall until I’m roughly behind the monster. The woman has finally backed herself against the wall and the shadows are shifting. I swallow a rush of panic and run at the creature. I realize at the last second that I have no idea what I’m doing, but I take a leap and drive the blindingly-white sword between its shoulder blades – so I hope, at any rate. At the moment of contact, I’m assailed by an even brighter flash of white and a sweet smell, followed immediately after by a pungent odour and a frightful clatter of the monster’s weapon upon the concrete. The monster reels and knocks me into the ceiling. I drop to the floor and very much in the wrong way. I try to scramble away from the massive feet about to crush me, but the creature trips over me, topples, thrashes and bellows a little, and then lies still, the sword’s white point gleaming pure as a diamond in its chest.
I’m about ready to let my limbs liquefy in relief, but I pull myself to the wounded woman. Her face, which I was sure was quite different just a few seconds ago, crinkled with the creases I’d come to know so well, even through her pain. I take a quick look at the ugly gash in her side and know there’s nothing I can do. “Mrs G-----,” I rasp out.
Her smile grows a little more and she grips my hand, not with the frailty of age that I see before me, but with the strength of the warrior into whose battle I’d walked into. “Take the sword,” she gasps out, “and tell Mr K----- that I’ve chosen my successor.”
Ariel.of.Narnia: And that's that. *buries the second half of this story six feet under*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): o.O O.O
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Uh uh
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Nope
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *jumps on top of you to get the second half*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): You can email it to me if you want
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I won't share it with anyone
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): But I /have/ to read it
Ariel.of.Narnia: *dangles story out of your reach* o.o
Ariel.of.Narnia: Wait, but why?
elanorelle: Not what I expected. At all.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Ela: how do you think I feel?!
elanorelle: It must be a rather large basement...
Ariel.of.Narnia: I... guess so?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I dunno.
Ariel.of.Narnia: so, Tenny, you didn't answer my question
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Why?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Because I kinda really was interested in what was going on!
Ariel.of.Narnia: But... it's icky! it's like she walked into a fantasy MMORPG!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): smiley-razz
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Maybe
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): But it was still interesting
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway. Suggestions?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I will say that I like the first half. Just not the second.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *considers*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I LOVED your main character
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Reminded me of me.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Made me happy.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): The action was great in the second half of the first half
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): But I was definitely entertained.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hee, really?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *nodsnods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, if that's it, then we'll call it a night
Elanorelle: ‘kay. Nice reading all your writing.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Thanks, both of ya, for coming. And, of course, you're welcome to play with the other prompts during the week if you so choose. I might if I have time (and hopefully would come up with something better...). Anyway. Writers' dismissed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
Statistics: Posted by Ariel.of.Narnia — Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:48 am
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