And you captured some great emotion here, and the imagery of the waters between you and the tree is lovely.
Some advice, if it is ok?
"the restless sea is too much to bare" - should be bear, yes spelled like the animal, if you're talking about handling a trouble or carrying a burden. As it is it's like nakedness, or removing something from its source - if you wanted to peel away the obstacle of the sea and roll up the water like a scroll or so much fruit-peel to throw away from your path you might use the current spelling. (Annoying things homophones!)
"the more I fall within shallowed of the waves, oh, how do find way to that glorious tree" - "Shallow waves" or "shallows of the waves" would be better, probably? As it is it sounds like past-tense - like talking about waves which somebody had intentionally made shallow. Also, "how to find a way" or "how do I find a way" for better grammar?
And that line is enough longer than the others that it *might* be good to do a line-break and increase the length of the stanza instead - but that is personal preference on my part, if you really need four lines a stanza or if you wanted it to stand out on purpose, you might leave it as is.
"I am to sour to fight them." - needs to be "too" for talking about an amount. And I'm not sure if sour is the word you meant or not - it works if you want to talk about being too sad or bitter to fight, being sort of put off the task by feeling hopeless - it would be "sore" if you meant like hurt and weariness and being tired of fighting physically.
I hope that was useful and not annoying! Good luck. Statistics: Posted by Lily of Archenland — Wed Apr 18, 2018 5:52 pm
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