The Truth - Personal Essay

Novels, short stories, poems, essays (anything original and not derived from existing works)

Moderators: Ariel.of.Narnia, Tenethia, White Rose

Post Reply
Aslanslamb
Knight
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:27 pm

The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Aslanslamb » Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:22 am

It's another Saturday night. I come home from an afternoon spent with good friends, stare at my computer screen and struggle to fight depressive thoughts and depressive feelings.

Why? I loved church. And I loved spending time with my friends. I laughed. I had fun and was reassured that there are people, worthy people, who think I'm awesome. I don't have to prove anything to them. They already think so. They're amazing. Everyone should be so lucky.

But I'm home and it's hard to hold on to that.

I miss my family. It's been seven months since I started living on my own and just as I was beginning to deal with that, a crisis hit me. And I'm back to feeling exactly the way I did the day after they left. Like I'm floating out in space. Except then, I could tell myself that it was going to get better "with time." You get used to things. No, you don't.

The truth is, you get used to good things. You don't get used to bad ones. And you don't get used to emptiness. You have to fill it up with something. I'm still searching for that something.

The truth is also that I'm tired of pretending to be brave and tough. Why can't a girl be twenty-three and be allowed to admit that she misses her family? Why does everyone sweep in and tell her that she's a grown-up and should just buck up and deal with it? I miss the father that died. I miss the mother and sister that moved away. I know they're fairly happy where they are. It's not the fact that they're happy that bothers me. It's simply the fact that I'm not.

I had a friend with the gift of prophecy tell me recently that I was "angry". I really hadn't thought of it that way. I had thought of other adjectives. But you know, he was right. I'm angry that it all happened so quickly. I'm angry that nobody asked me. I'm angry that I had to choose between completely changing my life and...completely changing my life.

The truth is God loves me in spite of my anger. He's been telling me so over and over again. Through other people, through his scripture, through the Bible. It's such a clear message. It's unmistakable.

But I'm still angry.

The truth is that He will bring me out of my circumstances even if I don't handle them with the dignity expected of a literary heroine in the books I used to read. I don't read those books anymore, at least not right now, because they make me aware of how I've fallen short. Instead, I read books that tell me about grace.

And I've come to the place where I'm angry at the devil for constantly bringing me back to those feelings of abandonment and the lies that go along with it. Nobody needs you. You're a mess.

And I'm angry at the devil for making me believe the lies that have kept me mute. People will think you're annoying if you keep complaining. Just suffer in silence and at least, they will respect you.

You know what? I refuse to suffer in silence. As long as I suffer, I will talk about it and write about it because I believe in the power of community to heal wounds. How many other people are there out there just like me, thinking that their bravado does somebody some sort of unexplained good? What sort of good can it possibly do?

So I will speak about what I'm going through.

But I also promise this: When God pulls me out of this hole I'm in (and it will happen soon!) then I will tell everybody about it also. I will say, "Do you know, my life felt empty and God filled it up! I didn't know what to do with my time and He showed me! I'm not miserable anymore! I'm at peace!"

I will say it over and over again. And nobody will be able to make light of the testimony because they will have known about my struggle.
User avatar
jesusgirl4ever
Moderator
Posts: 11641
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:44 am
Location: Returning to Earth
Contact:

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by jesusgirl4ever » Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:23 am

So true! Thanks for sharing!
Image
Lady Jaygee, Royal Pianist and Lover of Cats, Knight of TLC
User avatar
elanorelle
Contributor
Posts: 4003
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 8:31 pm
Location: irgendwo in Deutschland...

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by elanorelle » Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:41 am

Thank you for posting this. Simply put, that was beautifully written. I think everyone has had times where they don't feel right because everything around them seems to be going wrong and your own story of what has been going on in your life captures it perfectly; the last few paragraphs touched me. God will help you through this and you will share this as a testimony to His mercy, grace and love, just as you wrote.

-Elanor
Image
Sofilala
Newbie: Looking into Wardrobes
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:46 am

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Sofilala » Tue Dec 09, 2014 10:25 am

Hey, I hope you know who this is..
As I was reading this, I felt a strong urge in my heart to write these verses to you...(Please read full thing, I worked hard on it lol)

Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Notice the first sentence says "and is himself its Savior", Men of God, a Husband God has planned for you is handpicked by God to protect you, he is a role model of Good works(Titus 2:7) both will become one flesh (correlating to how during communion we drink the blood of Christ and eat his flesh), He is a Provider, one He is one who fears the Lord, He is gracious, merciful, and righteous. He is your teacher, Full of faith(2nd timothy 2:2), Giver of Happiness to the wife(Deuteronomy 24;5),

In 1st Corinthians 7 it says "...But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - unresolved Passion leads to lust. and unresolved lust, whether its for sex, reading books, watching a particular show, overeating, etc.. so unresolved lust leads to Anger and Depression because of an emptiness in the heart.

Ephesians 5:24
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
You were right what you said about the church giving you a reason to hold on. Your husband becomes your church when you're a woman, he will fulfill all the desires and empty holes in your life provided by God, this is why Jesus said to be imitators of him(1st Corinthians 11:1)

1 Peter 1:14
"...set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance,15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

So in 1st Corinthians Paul said marry so that you dont burn with passion so once you marry you wont sin against him with the lust of this world or ignorance to God. and here it says again do not be conformed to the passions.. Conform in Latin actually translates to make something like another thing.

Basically you have a longing for love of a husband and all of the above quality's,(because you are in that age already and your biological clock is working, God made your body crave another human being to be fruitful) that longing you shut down for some reason and conform it to passion for other things that life brings you like work, writing, church activities(those are the good things that are keeping you sane and awesome), but when you get home your reward center as a woman is not being triggered, you are wired genetically to want to come home to your husband, who will hug you after a hard day, who you can share a meal with and laugh. so when this reward center of your hard work at church and work is unresolved passions that when combined with ignorance of your situation, leads to pain. Through this pain, God made our brains perfect, to first go through denial, a coping mechanism of a death of a family member etc.. but the next step is anger. Depression and waves of overwhelming feelings are experienced by many, as well as physical symptoms caused by the emotional stress.

Through these stressful times Each human being needs another person; friends, family, but the one that God saw most fit in all circumstances is a wife or husband.

It was the sixth day. God finished creating all the living creatures that move along the ground. As He had at each stage of creation, God paused and evaluated His work. "And God saw that it was good" (Genesis 1:25). Only one more task remained.

"And the Lord God formed mankind from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being" (Genesis 2:7).
Here was God's only creation that would not live its life in total ignorance of its Creator. So He made in God's image, Adam who would fulfill a role no other creature could -- he would have fellowship with God and be the object of His love. But after placing Adam in the garden, God observed that there was still something missing.
"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him so He made Eve...'" (Genesis 2:18).

God recognized Adam's need for contact with another human being -- a need God had built into him. More than just a fellow inhabitant of Eden, Eve would be the object of Adam's love and would love him in return. She would share the wonders of creation, With the creation of Eve, Adam's intimate relationship with God was complemented by communion and companionship with a wife.
So He made Eve also in his image with the same need for human contact which is why it says "mankind".

So at this moment, I just looked at what I wrote, and all I am trying to say is While I was reading your essay, God had breathed some inspiration just now for you through me by the Holy Spirit. He wants you to know that every pain in your heart will be the birth of something good and new. God wants to tell you that He doesn't want you go through this alone or to be alone in general. Remember your lesson at Sunday School, Ask, Seek, Knock and you will find. Do not seek for things to do to keep your mind off of the ache, pray for the Father to redeem you and fill your empty hole with another Human being, a man that is also genetically made, God madem to live your life without the pain but instead overflow with Love, joy and peace. He wants you to pursue Love.
1 Corinthians 14:1
Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (same for a woman who finds a husband)
(Ecclesiastes 4:12, NIV)- with God in our relationships there is always the possibility of his strength and love overcoming any hardship or difficulty.


"Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins."
(1 Peter 4:8, GNT)



Remember, The bible is a Love story made by God written to you for your comfort and Instructions to look up to and follow. By the way, below check out my "bibliography" lol, read the articles that helped me express.
You are my sister and I love your dearly. I will always support you and be there for you if you need me. I have a prayer you can read to yourself....

Father,

You have searched me, and you know me. You hear my thoughts, you know my needs and breathe your life into my dreams.

So I have faith that you understand my longing to find love. I know that you will lead me to meet someone special to walk with. I know you want to give me the desires of my heart. You are a loving Father, I can share my every hope, every feeling and every dream with you.
I pray that I would meet someone soon who I can love, someone who I can have a close relationship with, marry, and share my life with. This man you will bless me with, Protect him, build him, inspire him
Guide him and keep him, Everyday.


Thank you Father,

In Jesus Name, Amen.


""I tell you, ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened to you. "
(Luke 11:9, NHEB)



Read more: http://www.lords-prayer-words.com/praye ... z3LOXix1OJ

Read more: http://www.living-prayers.com/people/pr ... z3LOVndEJX
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/cbntea ... iness.aspx
http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.a ... loneliness
Aslanslamb
Knight
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:27 pm

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Aslanslamb » Fri Aug 14, 2015 10:18 pm

My goodness, Sofi! I just saw your comment, written more than 6 months ago! I don't think it's as simple as finding a husband. He will have wounds of his own as well and we will both need to be whole enough to BUILD a life together, not seeking healing IN each other. At least, that's the way I see it. But thank you, dear!
User avatar
Ariel.of.Narnia
Site Admin
Posts: 11696
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 7:21 pm
Location: hiding in a wardrobe
Contact:

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Ariel.of.Narnia » Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:10 pm

Thank you for sharing, Aslanslamb. I hope that, by God's grace, you have come through this as gold refined in the fire.

@Sofilala: Seeing's how Aslanslamb's essay is about overcoming anger over her circumstances, I'm not sure how a couple of these responses are coming into play (though I may just be ignorant). As helpful as married life may be, there's no reason she can't turn to other avenues of help. Growing in the Lord being the first and foremost, and receiving help from other members of the body of Christ being another big one.
knight and scribe
Image
lyrics from TobyMac's "New World"
User avatar
Lil
Site Admin
Posts: 415
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 7:24 pm

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Lil » Wed Aug 19, 2015 3:39 pm

Thank you Lamb for sharing. I have been struggling recently and this brought encouragement to my heart. Especially the thoughts about being thought annoying if I keep sharing. Thank you for your courage to share. I believe as you said that it is in community and in sharing our stories that we find healing.
Image
Avvie by Siberian Christmas. Signature by Ariel of Narnia

"Maybe Redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here." - Dare You to Move (Switchfoot.)
User avatar
Benisse
Site Admin
Posts: 553
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 9:15 pm
Location: Jiazhou by the Sea of Peace

Re: The Truth - Personal Essay

Post by Benisse » Mon Sep 21, 2015 6:56 pm

Hi Aslanslamb,
Feeling disconnected to those who matter most to you on top of grieving the loss of your father is so very tough. Mourning is a long grey road, and being far away from your mother and sister during this time must be really hard too. ((Hugs))

In the six months since you first wrote your essay and grappled with the truth -- I pray that God has been faithful to you, opening doors for you to meet with others who have the heart to truly listen and pray with you on an honest level to give you support through this difficult transition. And I want to reassure you that in your struggle you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing; we all have our wounds, and of course Jesus calls us to cast our cares on Him for He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need
.

I pray with you that your hope and confidence that God will see you through will strengthen you and help you, not only to get through this valley, but also in the future to minister grace to others going through similar struggles:

2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Please pm me if ever you need a listening ear and a praying heart.
Image
Xin Yesu, Xiang Yesu - Believe Jesus, Be like Jesus
LWW art in my avvy and siggy by my daughter
Post Reply

Return to “Original Works”