Short Stories

Novels, short stories, poems, essays (anything original and not derived from existing works)

Moderators: Ariel.of.Narnia, Tenethia, White Rose

Post Reply
User avatar
mysticalwarrior
Novice: Staying with the Beavers
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:15 pm
Location: USA

Short Stories

Post by mysticalwarrior » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:02 pm

At some point, a group of my writing friends and I (@red_fox, @featherfish, @silver_fountain, and two others who aren't on TLC or haven't posted) decided to all take the same writing prompt(s) and see what we come up with.
The first prompt was "'Should we let him know we're on to him?' 'Now where's the fun in that?'"
This is what I came up with. (There are some tense changes that affect things, as the story was initially in present tense. I'm not sure yet which I prefer, so I may come back and edit it yet again.) Also, for clarification, the sections entirely in italics are flashbacks.

The Hunters and the Hunted
“Should we let him know we're on to him?”
“Now where's the fun in that? The enjoyment is in the chase and capture, not the fear!”
Whispering voices were audible from my place deep in the alley. I hung in the darkness, watching, waiting. The two figures hovered near the walls of the alley, looking out into the dimly lit street.
If I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed they were speaking of someone else. But I did know better. Lucky for me, the speakers were oblivious to my location. They seemed to think I was roaming the street, which I was, shortly prior to overhearing a small portion of their dialogue.
“Where is he? He should have passed this alley by now!”
“How should I know? Doesn't he live near here?”
“Yes. Unless he ran away from home… At which point he's unpredictable.”
I never had a home. Not that you could know that.
I bring a hand to my forehead as I notice one of the figures flinched. I sent that thought, albeit accidentally.
“He's close by. He heard us,” the voice shivered, hardly a breath.
“How do you know?” Suspicion from his counterpart, though his voice lowered as well.
“He spoke to me…”
It was unintentional, I swear.
Both figures stiffened at my now purposeful invasion of their minds.
“Where are you?”
Not your business. Close enough to hear and see you without being seen.
They bolted from the alley, unsurprisingly. Once they were gone, I sighed, realizing I had been holding my breath. Had they heard me, found me… I hate to think what would have happened… What I would have been forced to do…
I released the brick of the building I was perched on, dropping silently to the concrete below. My cloak faded, the fabric dissipating into the surrounding air from whence it came. I could not explain how I was able to accomplish this feat if I tried, I still do not know.
My fingertips grazed the red-black brick as I lurked out of the alley. A filmy encasement materialized around me, invisibility of a sort, matching my movements.
I stood under the street lamp, deliberating. Do I go home, or do I leave entirely?
Home, as I called it somewhat jokingly, was barely a suitable shelter, and I was alone. Leaving entailed forsaking all I had ever known, all I had assumed I would ever know.
But those people… I called them Hunters, and I had no clue what they could do to me. Not long before, there were others like me, living with me, but they were gone. I did not know what happened to them or where they had been taken, only that it was the Hunters who took them. All the things I might have been able to do to them, it might be futile if they were truly Hunters, like those who took my friends…
Leaving is the best option, in the morning I'll gather my few things and disappear from this place.
Nothing more could be done. Later, perhaps it would be safe to return. Perhaps leaving would prove more disastrous than remaining, but I couldn’t know that until afterward. I did not know what the world beyond this single city entailed, but I would risk that discovery.
I slunk home, thinking along the way about departing and what I would need for the journey. Even as short as the trip would be, it would be exhausting. Moving discreetly always is, especially as I would need to steal the provisions, using more energy.
I arrived at the building, lifting myself to the roof in a seemingly effortless manner. I quietly entered the dilapidated roof apartment, falling onto my heap of moth-eaten blankets.
“Good night, world,” I mumbled as black overtook me.
Morning light streaming through my dirt streaked windows woke me. I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my eyes with one of my dirty hands. I pulled myself to my feet, looking out the dingy window closest to my bedding.
My thoughts jumped back to the previous night and my determination to leave.
No, I can't. My friends might still be here. If I had been taken, I wouldn't want them to leave me. I have to find them, even if it puts my life on the line, or almost kills me.
I still needed supplies, and I still needed to avoid the Hunters from the alley.
~*~*~*~*~
“Hallan, be careful!”
“It's okay, Analyn, I can do this.”
I clung to the side of our building, most of the way up, about to let go.
I released the building, and Analyn screamed. My feet gently touched the concrete before I immediately returned to stand by her.
Tears streamed down her face and violent sobs choked her.
“Analyn, I'm okay.”
She looked up, eyes already red. “Hallan, you could have died! I thought I'd never see you again!”
I pulled her into my arms, struggling to console her. “Shh, I'm alright. I wasn't going to get hurt.”
“Don't do that to me again! I couldn't bear to lose you, you're like a brother to me!” She wrapped her arms tightly around my torso, her tears beginning to soak my shirt.
“Okay, Ana.”

~*~*~*~*~
“Hallan! You're back! Oh, I'm so glad you're safe!”
“So am I. How was everything here at home, Colby?”
He smiled, “Analyn worried about you the whole time, saying things like, 'He promised he wouldn't do this to me!' and 'I can't believe he'd do something so reckless!'”
I laughed, “That's just like Ana! Worried even when I've done this a million times.”
Colby nodded, “She wasn't the only one worried when you didn't come home on time, though. Leynard and Shelly were too, as was I.”
My face hardened, “I had to take a longer route because there were Hunters.”
His voice shook, “Hunters? You almost got caught?”
I shook my head no, “Of course not. I noticed them, heard their thoughts, and moved away from where they were posted.”
He sighed, “Thank goodness! Were they close to Garter's?”
“No. They were halfway between his grocery and here.”
He nodded, “Good. I'm glad you're safe, and the others will be too.”

~*~*~*~*~
“Hey, Leynard! Wake up!”
A grunt escaped the sleeping boy, “No!”
“It's morning. We have food!”
He sat up sleepily, but with sparkling eyes, “Food?”
“Mhm, food. Want some?” I knew he did, we all did.
“Duh!”
Analyn and Colby laughed. Of all of us, Leynard was the most obsessed with food, eating as much as we would let him and asking for more if there was any.
“I made a cake!” Shelly exclaimed excitedly, having used her powers for one of the first times.
“Mmm, cake!” Leynard practically drooled as Shelly handed him a chunk of icing-less chocolate cake.
Each of us received a chunk, leaving only a piece for Shelly to eat.
“This is so good!”
“Leynard, stop spewing cake in the house! Keep your mouth closed!” Analyn scolded him.

~*~*~*~*~
“Shelly!” Analyn screamed as Shelly fell off the roof, reaching an arm over the edge desperately.
I jumped over the side, quickly hovering just below the youngest of our group.
My feet hit the concrete and I bounded back to the roof. Shelly clung tightly to my neck, eyes squeezed shut.
Safely on the roof once again, I set the girl down.
Tears streamed down their faces, sobs cracking their throats. I understood the fear they had experienced, adrenaline was pumping through my veins too.
“Are you alright?” I fought to keep my voice steady, to be strong for them.
She nodded, shaking, “I-I think so. Th-thank you, Hallan!”
“You're welcome. Are you okay, Ana?” I placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, concern laced through my gaze.
She nodded, and I engulfed both of them into my arms, glad everyone was alive.

~*~*~*~*~
I have to save them! If they're still alive, I must save them! I just… don't know how.
I left my small shack, soaring from rooftop to rooftop for about fifteen blocks. Garter's small grocery store was still in business, thankfully.
Garter's Family Grocery was the one place I was unafraid of showing my face, unafraid of the regular human population. Mr. Garter was a kind old man and often gave me food, so long as I helped him out a bit in the grocery and washed my hands and face.
Hello, Mr. Garter.
The old man looked at the door, startled. He saw my dirt-covered face and smiled. “Hello again, Hallan. How can I help you?”
“I came to help you in exchange for more food.”
His smile continued, “Wash your face and hands in the bathroom first. I could really use some help today, a new order came in recently.”
I nodded, walking to the back corner of the somewhat small grocery.
An hour later, I left Mr. Garter's grocery behind, carrying two paper sacks with supplies. Some things were perishable, and some needed to be cooked, but nothing required refrigeration.
I walked a distance down the sidewalk before pulling my invisibility fog into existence. Several pedestrians' eyes widened, looking at where I had just stood.
You're not as crazy as you think.
The pedestrians quickly turned to face forward, unhinged by my invasion of their minds. They would definitely think they were crazy, after watching me disappear and then hearing my voice in their heads. Luckily, I would not be sending them more thoughts any time soon, if ever.
I quickly bounded home in the same way I left.
Upon closing the door, I simply deposited both bags on the floor.
How can I save them? How can I even find them? The only people who know of their location are the Hunters… Obviously, the Hunters won't help me rescue them… But they could lead me to them!
I began pacing the small front room, finger to my chin, elbow resting against the arm crossed over my chest.
As I turned towards the door again, an arm wrapped around me from behind and a hand pressed a cloth forcefully against my mouth and nose. I shoved the hand away quickly, a dizziness pulsing through me. A strong hand clenched over my wrist, and the cloth again smothered me.
~*~*~*~*~
I groaned, rolling onto my side, my head throbbing. The surface beneath my skin was searingly cold, and I shivered as my cheek rested against it.
“Hallan,” a soft voice whispered, “are you awake?”
I cracked my eyes open, Is that you, Ana?
Yes, she responded calmly.
How long have I been here?
I'm not sure. The Hunters brought you in unconscious and locked you in with us.
All of you are here?!
I started to sit up, but groaned and quickly lay down again.
Yes, but Colby was taken out not long ago. Shelly and Leynard are resting.
Where did they take Colby?

A sadness seeped into Ana's thoughts, We don't know. Whenever they take us out, they blindfold us.
I wanted to save you all, but it seems I was too late.
I don't know that you'd have been able to. They know how to fight back. How to resist our powers.
Last edited by mysticalwarrior on Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Set designed by mysticalwarrior and made by red_fox
User avatar
jesusgirl4ever
Moderator
Posts: 11641
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:44 am
Location: Returning to Earth
Contact:

Re: Short Stories

Post by jesusgirl4ever » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:23 pm

This is an interesting piece, and I'd like to know more! Good job!
Image
Lady Jaygee, Royal Pianist and Lover of Cats, Knight of TLC
User avatar
mysticalwarrior
Novice: Staying with the Beavers
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:15 pm
Location: USA

Re: Short Stories

Post by mysticalwarrior » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:25 pm

Thank you! There is actually a second part, which I'll post at some later point in time.
Image
Set designed by mysticalwarrior and made by red_fox
User avatar
Ariel.of.Narnia
Site Admin
Posts: 11696
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 7:21 pm
Location: hiding in a wardrobe
Contact:

Re: Short Stories

Post by Ariel.of.Narnia » Wed Jan 11, 2017 12:55 am

Ooh, I'm intrigued. I'm dying to know what these guys are, what all they can do, and why they're hunted (good job on keeping that a mystery for the present; it makes me that much more interested in reading more).
I wasn't reading to critique, but one thing did jump out at me: Hallan describes his own expression as being "laced with concern". That would be better used in describing someone else, not your point-of-view character. Just that wee note.
Know that you have me itching for part two, whenever you post it!
knight and scribe
Image
lyrics from TobyMac's "New World"
User avatar
mysticalwarrior
Novice: Staying with the Beavers
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:15 pm
Location: USA

Re: Short Stories

Post by mysticalwarrior » Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:02 am

I actually have some detail-related issues to work out in the future, because I didn't decide how they actually function and such before writing this or the next part... but once I have done that, I plan on rewriting to fix any inconsistencies.
Thank you for pointing that out and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Image
Set designed by mysticalwarrior and made by red_fox
User avatar
hobbit_of_narnia
Knight
Posts: 6529
Joined: Sat May 31, 2014 9:13 pm
Location: ♫ What's this holding me? I'm not where I'm supposed to be! ♪♫

Re: Short Stories

Post by hobbit_of_narnia » Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:13 am

Cool! I like it!
One thing (if I may point it out) was that you changed from past tense to present tense for one sentence:
"I bring a hand to my forehead as I notice one of the figures flinches."
Otherwise, I thought it was awesome. I can't wait to read more of it and see all the bits fall together!
Image
If somebody has an idea for a Narnia comic that they weren't planning on making themselves, I <------ This offer still
would be so grateful if they would send it to me in a PM. I am running appallingly low on ideas...! <-- stands. :)
User avatar
mysticalwarrior
Novice: Staying with the Beavers
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:15 pm
Location: USA

Re: Short Stories

Post by mysticalwarrior » Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:16 am

Thanks!
That was partially due to an editing service I use and my own forgetfulness.
I'm starting to think that will be the next thing I share, just because it goes with this story... or I could leave everyone in suspense and share some unrelated things first...
Image
Set designed by mysticalwarrior and made by red_fox
Lily of Archenland
ROotL
Posts: 428
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:45 am

Re: Short Stories

Post by Lily of Archenland » Tue Apr 25, 2017 12:50 pm

I like what you have so far. The little community of found family with powers, and the looming threat over them - good flavor there. I like the use of flashbacks to establish an emotional connection with his people in the middle of things. I'm wondering whether they all come with the same package of powers, or have different skillsets and specialties. Also how they got their powers - magic, superhero-style origin stories, alien or fey ancestry? Hallan seems like a type whose powers (silent mindspeech and invisibility at the least) are particularly well-customized for stealth, if his powers were intentionally given in some way he was totally built to be a spy. Also, what's the range on his power? I'm guessing not indefinite because he couldn't just touch base with his people to make sure they were safe when they went missing, but is it like "within a mile," "within line of sight," "if I'm close enough they could've heard vocalizations"?

...I'm a little weirded out right now because your muse seems to have some serious overlap with my former writing partner. The girl I was doing the cyber-adventuring story with, she had a story idea she'd been working on for years that involved a Powered community and a group of enemies known as Hunters - hers were explicitly a mix of traditional supers with unknown power-origin and descendants of different fantasy creatures and the Hunters had a thing against the fantasy creatures they were descended from. I know there are a limited number of ideas in the world but you're reminding me of her so much.
Post Reply

Return to “Original Works”