NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

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NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by Ajnos » Sat Nov 02, 2013 8:21 pm

Here's a place to share something of your NaNo story. You can either share passages from your novel, or maybe describe interesting sub-plot/passage you've come up with. You can also discuss any problems you're having and bounce around ideas if you need help.

At the moment I'm a little stuck as to what the bad guys are actually up to. They're not very forthcomming in telling me their plan. ;)
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by The Happy Islander » Fri Nov 08, 2013 4:30 pm

Here's a snippet from my nanovel from a couple days ago:

The Great Mollusk Quarrel

Once upon a time, the King of the Sky Snails had a quarrel with the King of the Sea Slugs. A naughty thing for them to have done, and not of much use, either, considering that they had to make an effort to even run into each other in the first place. But because they were upset at each other, they did so frequently (even though by this point, they didn't even remember what they had quarreled about; it was probably something rather dull, anyway, so no matter). And then they were even naughtier and stirred up their peoples (or mollusks) against each other, so that, to the astonishment of everyone else in the world, the vast majority of the sky snails and sea slugs took to spending the vast majority of their time at the border between the sky and the sea, barking and chirping and mooing and otherwise making strange noises at each other angrily. It was an extremely strange sight.

It was rather more convenient for some folks than you might think, and not just the sorts of folks that ate mollusks. For instance, if a light-footed chipmunk wished to visit a relation who lived on the other side of the sea, he simply looked for a place that had a sufficient number of sky snails lined up and, leaping lightly from shell to shell, made his way across the ocean. No need to wait for a ship that was heading in the right direction. (Not that a ship would be able to get through with traffic like that, in the first place.) And, when Mouse came to this particular world on a field trip while this quarrel was going on (when she was eight years old) and promptly got lost, one of the sky snails that was less upset than most of them were was able to give her a ride back to the school bus.

On the other hand, some of the sea-dwellers were *not* pleased at all about the quarrel. They rather felt that if they *must* quarrel, they ought to do it where they wouldn't be in anyone else's way. Some of the more irritable whales took to blowing any slugs and snails out of their way when they came to the surface. That was always a strange sight. One one occasion, when an entire clan of whales came to the surface together, clearing mollusks as they came, the fairies in the clouds rather thought it looked like a strangely-colored stew boiling.

There were many others who were sad about the absence of the usually-cheerful sky snails. Since they were mostly in the air just above the sea, they were not leaving their sunset-colored snail trails all over the sky like they usually did. By this time the beautifully slimily glowing trails had nearly all either faded away or been eaten by the Trail-eating Ptarmigans. Many missed the friendly chatter of the sky snails between themselves when they ran into a friend or neighbor, or the helpfulness of the animals in helping one reach things that were on the top shelf and out of reach to oneself. (The latter situation also had the advantage of leaving cheerfully-colored slime trails in the house until one's mother made one clean them up.)

So it was soon determined by many of the land-dwellers that, despite the convenience of sea travel that the mollusk quarrel afforded, Something Must be Done. The naughtiness of the King of the Sky Snails and the King of the Sea Slugs in quarreling with each other and stirring up their respective peoples against each other was absolutely shameful, everybody agreed, as was the animal-noise contest that their two peoples were currently engaged in.

To bring about the end of the Great Mollusk Quarrel, the land-dwellers realized it would be necessary to work closely with some sea-dwellers. They sent some penguins to talk to the sea cucumbers, as it was felt that they would be most reliable in a crisis, and the sea cucumber clan agreed to do their part.

Perhaps it would seem to the casual reader that a sea cucumber would be about the least helpful creature in this situation, but that casual reader would be quite mistaken. Sea cucumbers are widely known underwater for their intelligence and acrobatic dexterity whenever no scientists are around to observe them. (The fact that they act quite differently from their usual habits while being observed by scientists is proof of their great intelligence, if indeed any proof is needed.) So it was with brilliant foresight that the sea cucumbers were chosen as the allies of the land-dwellers.

On the appointed day, at the appointed hour, two small but powerful armies were gathered close to (but out of sight of) the site of the Great Mollusk Quarrel; one army on land and one in the sea. The sea cucumbers had done their work well and had recruited suitably trust-worthy specimens of all the necessary creatures, and a couple dozen other creatures were now joined with the sea cucumber clan. Breathlessly, everyone waited for the signal. A baby whale rose slowly to the surface and spouted water as high as it could. It was time.

At the same time, the land army swiftly and softly bounded from snail shell to snail shell towards the King of the Sky Snails, and the sea army raced towards the King of the Sea Slugs. The two monarchs were in the middle of their respective armies and were face to face making sheep noises at each other. Acting quickly, and in unison that was beautiful to see, a baboon captured the King of the Sky Snails and an octopus captured the King of the Sea Slugs. Both made their ways, surrounded by their respective armies, to the rendezvous spot in a secluded bay.

The two crowds of mollusks looked blankly at each other for several moments. It had all happened so suddenly, and they were none of them known for quick decision-making in any situation more serious than avoiding being accidentally trodden upon.

Finally one of the more intelligent Sky Snails said to the Sea Slug he was facing, "I suppose we ought to follow them and save our kings, oughtn't we?" to which the Sea Slug replied, "Yes, that might be a good idea."

Quite forgetting their quarrel (just as thoroughly as had Tweedledum and Tweedledee on an equally memorable occasion), the snails and slugs proceeded in a body, in the direction that the Sea Army and Land Army had taken.

By the time they had reached the rendezvous point, they discovered their beloved monarchs already placed into time-out. The wisest of the Sea Cucumbers came to the surface and lectured the snails and slugs on Not Quarreling, and Not Letting Their Private Feelings Lead Them to Ignore Others' Rights. They all bowed their heads in shame and promised to be good. They joined their leaders in time-out (although they didn't have to stay there *quite* as long as the King of the Sky Snails and the King of the Sea Slugs since the two kings were more to blame than their subjects) and made up with each other at once. Only one Random Animal Noise was heard during the entire time-out, and that was quite accidental, one of the younger Sky Snails having slipped and inadvertently uttered a quail call while attempting to regain its balance.

The next day, the whales were absolutely delighted that there was not a single mollusk in the way when they came to the surface.

And the land inhabitants were cheered by the familiar sight of sky snails wending their slow way across the sky, leaving their beautiful slimy trails behind them, and chattering with each other and with all the birds and other creatures as well as they went about their business.

And a light-footed chipmunk, who had planned to return home from his visit to his cousin across the sea that day, assuming that the Quarrel would still be going on and planning on stepping-stoning across the sea as before, was disappointed to have to take a ship. Ships were not exciting enough to suit his fancy, I'm afraid, but he got over the disappointment in the end.
They might not need me but; they might.
I'll let my Head be just in sight;
A smile as small as mine might be
Precisely their necessity.
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by narniagirl11 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 9:28 pm

*applauds* Wonderful job, Islie! I adore it! :D When/if I get married and have kids, I am going to read your story to them. It was a beautiful story!
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by The Happy Islander » Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:46 am

Thanks Arna : ) *blushes*
They might not need me but; they might.
I'll let my Head be just in sight;
A smile as small as mine might be
Precisely their necessity.
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by gypsevedius » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:00 am

One of Thoro's army, called Thorenders, rode up beside them. Pistachio didn't have to look at her fully but knew who it was imediatly. Without turning he said, "Hello, Benisse." Horatio nodded hello, he had stopped laughing. One does not simply laugh in front of Benisse. The woman took her helmet off and her blonde hair fell to her waist. She looked at Pistachio and smiled slightly.
____
I know that's short. Like only one paragraph. *looks for another longer one*

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


Edward, he was completely unexperienced around Benisse. He looked over at her. "Hello." She just stared at him. "Who are you?" She looked away and didn't answer. "I'm Edward." he added, smiling slightly.

Benisse turned her head and sneered at him. "Congratualtions." Then she turned her horse and cantered up by Thoro. No one would bother her there, no one dared talk around Thoro unless called on. Unless they are stupid, that's always an exception to some people.

"What a grouch." said Edward, staring after her.

Pistachio stabbed him in the stomach with his elbow.

(this has nothing to do with Benisse and Sir Edward I just stole their names)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Pistachio looked at Horatio who was a year older than him and had ridden this way before. "What are the Protecters?" he asked with an almost disinterested look. When people talked about protectors they normally meant body gaurds. And a body gaurd was something Pistachio though he culd do without.

The boy was about to answer when Benisse rode up behind him. "The great birds!" she exlaimed with a rare laugh. "Any young one like you would be very amazed to see them!" She put her silver helmet back on and looked at them seriously without a trace of the laugh she had held a few moments ago. Then she trotted ahead.

Horatio and Edward looked after Benisse. " Where on the earth does she come from?!" asked Horatio. "She's such a sneak. She just came out of nowhere from behind us like a ghost! It's like she came out of the air!" Edward agreed with him with a nod.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Halfway across the city, some people were having an archery competition. Somewhere else someone was racing horses and then someone was herding sheep with big dogs. People were mostly gathered around the well getting water for their animals and themselves.
Pistachio smiled. It was so busy down their, yet up here on the roof, no one was there to bother them, or trample them underfoot. They were the only ones up here. But with another look Pistachio and Edward stopped what they had been doing. Over in the corner on the room was another figure. They were not alone. Pistachio and Edward stared at the person with a bit of surprise, but Horatio stared at the figure and aslow smile spread across his face.
The figure turned around, hearing them all of a sudden go quiet. She pulled her hood back with a motion of her hand. She looked up at them, first Pistachio, Edward. Her eyes landed on Horatio. "H-Horatio!" she cried. She ran into his arms.
Pistachio and Edward stood their awkwardly as Horatio hugged the girl and the girl hugged Horatio. Horatio saw Edward and Pistachio trying to decide whether or not they should leave. "Wait," said Horatio. "This is my sister."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
That's all folks!
If you see a typo in this message, let me know. *facepalm*
^.^ *is such a suspicious looking unicavvey*
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by Ajnos » Sat Nov 09, 2013 10:05 am

Thanks for sharing girls. Lovely story Islie - very Lewis Carol/Frank L Baum. :)

You have me intrigued, Gypsy. Who is this Benisse? I thought it was going to be her again on the roof, so the sister bit threw me.

At the moment, I'm trying to come up with a rhyme for my next clue (I've left it blank for now). With the other clues, I made up the rhyme-riddle first and then figured out what it referred to. But this time I know where the next clue is going to be so it's a little trickier making up a cryptic clue for the spot.

My bad guys are still giving me trouble but I think I've figured out how to deal with them.

How are other people's stories going (the stories themselves rather than just the word counts)?
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by Tenethia » Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:33 pm

Gypsy has quite the plot line planned out! :) (and Benisse is pronounced Ben-ay, rather than our Benisse's pronunciation :) )

*scolds Ajjie's bad guys for her* you're very bad guys! Talk to Ajjie! I hope you'll be able to tame them, Aj', I've got a couple main characters not talking to me, and I understand how frustrating and difficult that can make things.

My plot is... going. Barely. I've been talking to Ariel (she did a four hour marathon with me last night :P ) and she's been helping me tame my plot. It wasn't wanting to be tamed, nasty thing, but Ariel worked through some parts with me, and piece by piece, scene by scene, my novel is coming together.

Here's a snippet of mine. Disclaimer that it may be a bit intense. I have no idea how intense it gets -- I'm only the author.

But having no idea what direction I needed to go didn’t bother me nearly as much as the journey itself bothered me. The wood I was standing in stretched for a two day’s journey in all directions, and was a place of great danger after dark. I’d been taught this since I was a wee girl, and it wasn’t just a legend – I knew this to be true.

I’d been told many stories about the woods being dangerous, about meat-eating creatures, and about villagers staying out after dark and never being found again. These were the stories that made little ones bury themselves underneath their blankets in night for fear that the creatures of the forest would eat them. Most of the children believed them without seeing proof.

To me, these stories were only fanciful stories told to us to keep us from wandering off during the night, like some of us young ones did in the daytime. But I remember one night, when I was only six or seven that these legends began frightfully real to me. I’m sure something like this happened sometimes even before this time, but this was the earliest memory of this I had.

It was in the summer time during the midsummer feast our village had every year. The first day of the week-long celebration had come to its close, and we had headed back to our homes (except my family, who were staying in our neighbor Baruch’s home). Some of the older boys were told to stay behind to clean up the remains of the savory meat that had been cooked that day, and to make sure no traces of the meat were left out. It was to be burned.

After an hour or so, the villagers were all in their homes and asleep for the night, except for the watchman, who went up to the watchtower to be sure we were safe through the night. I was very tired that night, since it’d been a very long day for us little ones. I had just begun to drift off to sleep on the sofa when a bell began to peal madly, consistently. Father leaped up and grabbed for the sword sitting by the fireplace, knocking over a bucket of fire pokers with a banging crash.

“Daddy, what are the bells for?” I asked my father innocently. He and Baruch rushed out the door of the cottage without a word. “Mummy,” I complained, “Daddy ignored me.” I looked over at Mother to pout some more to her. Just then, a piercing sound, higher and shriller than a scream, joined into the sound of the bells. Mother put her hands over her mouth, and rushed out of the room, leaving me with Baruch’s wife. “What’s wrong with Mummy?”

I was sitting up now, so Baruch’s wife, Abigail, came over and sat down beside me. “She’s frightened, Little One, but she’ll be ok.”

“Why Mum scared?” I asked, beginning to get frightened myself.

Abigail stroked my hair, bit her lip, and forced herself smiled down at me. “Nothing’s wrong, just lie still. I’ll go make sure she’s alright.” She barred the front door, left the room and followed Mother, leaving me by myself.

The bells and shrieks continued to pierce the air. Suddenly, another door burst open and Baruch’s children came rushing in with horrified looks on their faces. The oldest one, who was nine, tried to look brave, but his lips were quivering. “It’s the monsters!” cried the youngest one, who was six, like me.

“Nuh-uh,” I said, “There aren’t any monsters.”

“Are so!” insisted the eight-year old. “We know they’re real! Daddy told us stories about them!” More of the noises pierced the air, and she rushed to hide in the other room with her mother.

“So did my Daddy, and I know they’re just stories. Stop being a baby,” I insisted, repeating what I’d heard some of my friend’s parents telling their older children when they complained.

“Oh yeah?” said the oldest, glaring at me, and half hiding behind the couch.

“Yeah!” I insisted.

How would you know?” He turned his nose up in the air a bit and looked down at me.

“I’ll prove it!” I stalked over to the door, and began to fuss with the big bar across the door.

“What are you doing?” gasped the oldest.

“I’m going to go prove that they aren’t monsters.” I tried lifting it straight off the door, but found it to be too heavy.

“Don’t go outside! They’ll eat you!” cried the little one, bursting into tears.

“They can’t eat me if they aren’t real.” I tried a different angle and tried to push the bar sideways away from the door.

“But even if they aren’t real, something’s out there that’s nasty!” said the oldest.

“Well, Daddy will protect me from whatever is out there.” I managed to get the bar to slide off the one side, and it tumbled to the carpet, making very little sound.

The older boy began to protest, but I opened the door and stepped outside, quickly shutting it behind me. As I ran off towards the noises coming from the other side of the village, I heard him yell frantically, “Mother!”
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by narniagirl11 » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:15 pm

I'm with Tenny. My plot is barely alive. It's dying. I'm limping along trying to write something each day. I'm thinking that I need to start a National Script Writing Month because I've been spending all of my free time working on writing a script for a short film that my sister and I hope to film soon.

*applauds* More Tenny! What's going to happen? What's out there?
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by Ajnos » Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:02 pm

My story's coming along. (Slight advantage of having been working on it for so long). As I mentioned in the word count thread, I've skipped a section and jumped a head. This is 'cause I was feeling inspired about one of the final scenes, which includes introducing the "version" of Aslan in my world. These scenes were a lot trickier to write than I imagined and I take my hat off to Lewis for the way he wrote Aslan. It's a little terrifying writing a character that represents Christ in some way. It feels sort of sacrilegious to put words in his mouth, and is hard to know if you've got them right. Since I've got him talking to Susan about the things that happened to her (her loss of faith and the deaths of her family members, it's impossible to not get into theological or even doctrinal stuff. This story is going to need some serious disclaimers :p

Also, a little snag I hit that I'd appreciate your guys opinion on. (Warning that this is a little morbid). Did Eustace and Jill die before or after they arrived in Narnia? I was trying to have "Aslan" tell Susan that he took them to Narnia, but this didn't "save" them from dying, so how exactly did it work? Not sure if that makes sense.
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Re: NaNo excerpts, snippets, ideas, discussion

Post by narniagirl11 » Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:09 pm

Oooh, toughie. Hmmm, I wonder if they died after? The train was going to wreck, Aslan took Jill and Eustace to Narnia, they had their adventure and then when they went through the Stable Door, they died? Because after that they meet up with the other members of the Seven who have died. They all seem to get there at the same time. It's a very strange idea to think about. Quite puzzling.
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