Writer’s Group opens…. sort of.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, now I'm here
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aaaaaand, I'll just sit here till someone expresses an interest in writers' group
Sir-William: *is on an Ipad*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, hi.
Sir-William: *is here, sort of...*
Sir-William: Dratted keyboard, oh and hi, Ariel
Sir-William: Wow, this is hard to type on
Ariel.of.Narnia: I was wondering if you'd show up
Red: Hi...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you or Will have any writings to share or shall we cancel writers' for tonight?
Sir-William: Yeh, but that piece of story that I meant to write yesterday never really happened, so....unfortunately I'm mostly dead weight
cor: Do-da do
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, that's okay, I haven't written anything either
Sir-William: Sorry
Sir-William: *waves at Cor*
Red: Well, I have been working on something, actually rewriting something... I suppose I could share a bit with ya'll if you want.
cor: *waves*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sure, go for it, Red
Red: Okay
Sir-William: Hey, I'm up for it
Red: One minute
Red shares ~
Red: Okay, so first, I just want ya to know that I started with a prologue to give a bit of background. So do you want to start with that or just head into the 1st chapter...this is actually my first writing meeting thing…so I'm not sure how to start...
cor: Prologue!
Red: Sweet..okay...here it goes
Red: Some time ago in a land called Rosanna, was a fair and wondrous kingdom.
To some of us from earth we would call it mere fantasy or a magical land- and to some it was just that. However to others Rosanna was a world much like our own, rather it was not placed on a map for all to see.
This land, however, was far and wide, with neighbors on its North, West, and South sides and an ocean to the East.
It neighbors were three other nations, the one in the north was the land of the Elves, there land was of elegance, wealth, and most importantly wisdom. The Elves were a kind people, they did not turn away one in trouble. However, the Elves had a strange way of living according to man, and man would not stay in the elves land longer than need be. The land of the east was the land of the man called Woodlanders. The Woodlanders were persnickety folk. They mainly paid attention to there own business, and most people stayed out of their way. The land to the south was a land of desert and rock, ruled by man called Desertmen. They were great swordsmen and warriors, yet they too kept much to themselves.
Red: Obviously there are a few grammar errors…oops
Ariel.of.Narnia: (That's okay.
)Red: smiley-lol
Red: This book I'm working on now was self published, but I decided to make a revision, obviously because it was not written very well. lol
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Sir-William: It sounds interesting to me, anyway
Red: Thanks!
Red: Rosanna, however wasn’t always a kingdom. It was once a savage and wild wilderness, filled with various creatures and people or whomever dared to settle there. Often villages fought over the land claiming it was their land and theirs alone. This broke into ugly blood shed.
That is, until a young, simple, poor man came to the land. His name was Ausan. He was tall, handsome, and had dark brown eyes. His hair was shoulder length, his beard barely grown. For his youth, he spoke with much authority and gentleness and persuaded the people to come together in peace.
The people forged a contract, stating it as all of the people’s land. Still the people longed for a leader and pleaded for Ausan not to leave, but to be their King.
Sir-William: Poor Rosanna...
Red: I know right? I tend to violent in my writings...hee hee
Red: Ausan accepted stating, “I will see to it that you are founded strong so that you may not falter. And when that time comes I will leave and go to the land of my father to settle things at home. Then I will once again return, for the sake of my people.” The people agreed, rejoicing in there new land- built on liberty and freedom. How joyous it was that day. Victorsday they called it, and a celebration it was. Ausan ruled with great humility. He set in charge a court of ten men, to oversea the law on which he built the land. The law was ten rules on which the land was to follow.
Once the law was established and all was seen to be fit. Ausan established treaties with the nations around them and trade contracts for goods. Ausan was glad of his work, but saddened for he knew his time was near to leave his people for a time. The people had noticed his sadness and asked, “Oh, king, what is the matter, why are you saddened? Surely you will not leave us now?” Ausan let out a sigh of relief at there words, “It is time that I go to my father’s land – across the sea…” The people were astonished. There was no land known of in the sea, other than the land of Sapphira – a wicked and desolate land made for outcasts and criminals “It is not Sapphira, of which I speak, “Ausan clarified, “But of a land far, far out in the sea. The land of my father is not known by many. I must return to settle things there. I will return, I promise.” The people trusted Ausan and his words. “Who will lead us until your return? You don’t wish to leave us with no leader, do you?” The people wondered.
Ariel.of.Narnia: (Sounds familiar. )
Red: How so??
Ariel.of.Narnia: (Ten basic commandments, a king that leaves and returns, a son whose father lives across the sea. and the name. But please, carry on)
Red: Oh, I'm so glad someone noticed a connection! Thanks!
Red: Ausan was troubled by this, “Do you not think the law is enough? Very well, I will find one who is very able to lead you until I return.” Ausan searched the land for one suitable for the task. He found a young Leapermen (Much like man but part frog - not a slimy thing mind you- Think man, but with green skin and no human nose, rather a frog- like snout) named Peter, and his young wife ( A human) named Trinity. Peter was a poor farmer, he had little to offer. Peter’s wife was young and fair, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Peter accepted the task with humility and said, “I will be sure the people are safe until your return, my lord.” Ausan nodded with a smile crossing him lips; he placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder and whispered in his ear, “See that you do. Watch carefully and see that my people obey the law I have set before them.” After this Ausan left for the dock to board his ship, the people and flocked to the area, wishing to see him off. Ausan walked onto the desk in silence. He turned and warned the people saying, “People of Rosanna hear me. Stay far from the people of Sapphira. I warn you not to do any dealings with them. They are not to be trusted. If you do, you will surely parish.”
Red: Okay, so far does it seem rushed at all? I was just wondering...
Sir-William: Nope, all good here
Ariel.of.Narnia: The speed of your posting? Nope.
Red: Great
Red: Well, ya does the story so far seem rushed?
Red: Those were Ausan’s last words before he left, upon the never ending sea. Sapphira was as Ausan had been warned, a vicious and desolate island a ways off the beach of Rosanna. The island was covered in a cloud of darkness and ruled by no one but outcasts and criminals. Disgusting creatures lived there, such as goblins, orc’s, Cyclops, minotaurs, and other beasts. The island was like a dry desert. Its cliffs protected the island from the crashing waves, its walls blocked out some of the cool wind. Darkness was of that city. The people lived and breathed it. They stole and killed each other and had a rotten desire for blood. No one dared to enter there.
Sir-William: I'm living elsewhere
Red: Yeah, I wouldn't want to live there either...
Red: At Ausan’s leave, Peter and Trinity’s rule had begun. Things of course went back to normal, but never would anyone forget that day. They watched and longed for his return, however long it may be. As years past, Peter and Trinity begun to have a family of there own. They had a daughter, Emily, and a son, Alex. Emily was a blonde haired little girl, while Alex had brown hair ( like his father). The Queen had passed delivering Alex into the world. It was a sad day in the kingdom. Alex grew knowing little of his mother, his father mentioned little of her, forcing himself to look after the kingdom as he had promised. Months turned into years - no sign of Ausan. Peter reassured the people that Ausan would return in good time.
Red: (Any input about anything?)
Sir-William: At the moment I'm still working on the output
Red: Oh, okay
Sir-William: And I wish I could type faster on this thing, hehe.
Red: smiley-razz
Ariel.of.Narnia: Is there more to this prologue or is this where it ends?
Red: There is more...
Sir-William: Wow, I'll have to borrow the log from Ariel and go through your story with a fine tooth comb (that will give me a good excuse to read it some more
Red:
Ariel.of.Narnia: Perhaps if you could finish the prologue, Red, I might have a better idea of what to say.
Red: Okay, sure...it might be a while.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, long prologue?
Red: As Peter grew old, and his years were almost gone, he passed as much as he knew unto his children – hoping to preserve the future. As Peter lay on his death bed one rainy afternoon he stated his farewell to his children, “Take care of this land and the people- this is our task. It matters not how long, do it and most importantly enjoy what this life brings.” Emily, as the eldest took the throne with much humility. She was the first Queen to rule the land. She wed a nobleman and loved him well. Yet the evil of this world was not to let things be so merry. Emily, while walking in the courtyard with her husband at night, was shot down by an arrow. A strange magic mist was upon its tip – poison no less. Her husband went to catch the assassin, catch only a dagger in his heart. The assassin was never found.
Alex was shaking –now all alone. He would have to take the throne all on his own. After burying first his father and now his sister too- he was broken inside. He knew however his duty was to lead the people. He became king at twenty one. He was young and able, much like his father before him. He led with a just hand and compassion that little had.
He cared out the law of Ausan and was well respected by all the people. He was not interested in love or marriage, yet he could not help but fall for a young lady named Felicia. She was a blonde haired young lady, blue eye’s and a round nose. They had three children. First, a beautiful girl named Athalaih – with brown-reddish hair and blue eyes. Second, a handsome boy named William- with black hair and blue eyes. Lastly, they had a sweet little girl named Amelia- brown hair with blue eyes. Each child was adored by there parents. Alex made sure that all the children learned of Ausan and how he would return – though fewer and fewer believed it would happen, Alex wouldn’t give up on it; nor would his children, if he could help it. Athalaih, the eldest was a dear and gentle child. How she adored books and could not seem to read enough. She was quite the lady and loved clothes. William was the only son, and being so was well-educated. His father made sure he knew all he could. William quiet enjoyed his father’s teachings – for he too craved knowledge. But as every boy does, he also craved fun. He loved to play pranks on his sisters.
Amelia loved the out doors. She loved flowers and playing in the garden was her favorite thing to do. She often ran about with a crown of flowers in her head.
Sir-William: Cool, I'm in this story
Red: Hahaha...yep, but I wouldn't say that just yet ...hint hint...
Sir-William: Lol
Red: Alex and Felicia welcomed new villages to the country during their rule, such as the Lipan Island Fairies ( From an small island in the sea), Fauns, Bean Dwarves ( like a dwarf but smaller and shaped like a bean), Dwarves, and others. They came to share in the land. An alliance was formed with all and the country grew and prospered. Some however weren’t so welcoming to the new neighbors. Nor did they like King Alex for welcoming them.
Just as things seemed to be going well for the kingdom, a plague broke out over the land. Many died; the cries of the people were heard through the city. The palace was affected also by the plague. Felicia was the first to take ill, then William, and then Amelia. Alex’s heart was tortured as he watched his family once again slip farther away. Athalaih was sent away from the palace, to a home near the beach – far away from the illness that had plagued the city. Alex hoped to at least keep someone safe from the illness’s grasp. His beautiful wife, Felicia lay now on her death bed, still so young, “Stay strong Alex, you must keep the country together. They need you now more than ever. Have courage my love.” “I need you, Felicia,” he responded his heart breaking once more.
“You are one strong and able man. Ausan will be proud of you for watching over his people. Do me proud and when the time comes we will be together again – forever. Take care of our children. Farewell my dear, till we meet again.”
Felicia breathed her last and was laid to rest with the rest of the royal family who passed before her.”
Amelia, his youngest and most precious died also. William however recovered, though his heart was weak from the illness’s affects. Slowly the Kingdom recovered from its grief. The royal family was once again reunited.
Alex continued to rule, with the court still having faith in him, he felt encouraged to press on. Still some of the people believed it was because of Alex that so many had died, they threatened a rebellion- many were imprisoned for the attempt of treachery. Alex had become an old man, sore and worn by his life full of heart ache and sorrow. His two surviving children had grown up into adults. Athalaih’s beauty blossomed, and William grew stronger and became a well-educated young man. However, Alex was tired and weary from his pain. He now laid in bed, ready to give up. He settled his final affairs, promising William the kingdom (though he was younger).
“Athalaih, you deserve a life full of happiness, not sorrow. Take this gift and use it well. William, unite the people. Take every opportunity. Be wise, have courage, and remember that we are here only watch and wait for Ausan’s return.
Have patience my children. Ausan will return. I’ve known this my whole life. Go in peace. Mourn not for me, but rejoice for my pain is finally at an end. I will now be united with your mother and sister. I love you both very much. Take care, till we meet again.” William accepted the throne at the age of twenty, a young and suitable man. He was a wondrous speaker and compassionate man (like his father). Athalaih stood by his side, encouraging her brother in all he did. As king, William proclaimed David (known to many as Pickett) a friend of Williams, top general of the royal army. They became close friends and worked together often. Athalaih later felt rejected by her brother and stuck to running household. The threesome was happy and lived in harmony. On year, at the Victorsday celebration, William fell for a dear friend of his, the daughter of a Courtsmen (Sir John), named Victoria. Her father was a dear man and Victoria a lovely woman. It was not long until they were wed. Athalaih now had little to do, for Victoria took charge of household. They had two beautiful children, a son name Allan, and a daughter named Faith. Allen was much like his father in character, but in looks he was different. Allen had brown hair and blue eyes. Faith however was much like her mother, a sweet girl who loved walks in the garden and pony rides with her brother, Allan. Faith had green eyes and lovely blonde wavy hair. Athalaih enjoyed her niece and nephew. Athalaih longed for a family, to have true happiness like her brother. She fell for a handsome, adventurous risk-taking man named Robert. He was a courtsman (like his father before him). Robert and Athalaih wanted to wed, but were not blessed by William. He would not let her wed Robert. He knew Robert well; he was a trouble maker in court. He often spoke of Sapphira and opportunities there William did not like him, nor did he want any part of him. Athalaih was angry at William for this. She believed he didn’t wish her to be happy. William tried to make her understand but she wouldn’t listen. After that, Athalaih and William’s relationship crumbled. Robert too, was displeased with William. Troubles came and went to the kingdom, but never lasted, which William thought was a blessing. How ever there were still clans of people who threatened the royal family, convicting it of treason or being unlawful. King William sat in the garden one night, the stars sparkling in the heavens, the sweet fragrance about them. His wife, Victoria, went looking for him and had found him there, alone in the darkness of the night. “William, what are you doing out here, by yourself? You know it is not safe, you shouldn’t have come alone. There is quiet a chill out tonight, you might become ill.” William looked over at his wife, he hair shined in the moon light, her eyes like stars. “Sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to worry you. I needed time away from the courts and lords… I just want to think a while without being invaded with bickering.”
Victoria sat beside him on the stone bench and held his arm in hers.
“Don’t worry, Victoria. All is well. Ausan will return and all will be well. You will see,” reassured William.
“Yes, but you are king now, my dear. You must protect yourself and us. These threats worry me. What deceit is going on in the shadows, it troubles me.”
“I will keep you safe, I promise. No harm is to come to any of you. Besides, these trouble makers are nothing we can’t handle. They are scared, that is all. They are just reacting. All is well,” William kissed his wife’s forehead, “It is late, we best go off to bed.”
Victoria nodded; they both stood and walked out of the garden and into the palace, Williams’ arm about his wife’s shoulders and hers about his waist.
“We will always take care of each other, won’t we?”
“To the end my love, to the end,” replied William.
Red: (End of Prologue)
Sir-William: Now you can admit as to what book you stole that from
Sir-William: Just kidding, I'm sure that you are quite capable of writing that
Red: Thanks... smiley-lol
Sir-William: Wow, seriously, the prologue could be the story
Red: Well, it was once, but I changed it so I could have a bit more flexibility with the first chapter. I needed to talk a bit about the background, ‘cuz chapter one is kinda balance off of that.
Sir-William: I see
Ariel.of.Narnia: I like the detail, but I wonder if you need so much, especially for the now-dead (hair colour and such)?
Red: Chapter one is later set on Victorsday, the day of the nation's founding, so I want to develop what it was all about...hence the prologue.
Red: @ Ariel, good point. I could probably remove that. I see your point.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hmm'kay. It just seemed a bit much at times, that's all. But it's great that you are trying to set up this world and its history
Red: smiley
Red: Thanks for the note, I'll definitely have a look over that again.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not a problem.
Sir-William: I
Ariel.of.Narnia: I also like all the connections to other things. Even caught a bit of Lion King in here.
Red: Haha...oh yeah, I did
Red: not think of that connection...
Ariel.of.Narnia: "That shadowy place"
Red: lol
Red: Haha...right, got it
Red: lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Mixed with Mordor too, heehee
Red: Oh yeah, I had to have some of that...lol
Sir-William: lol
Red: What do you think of Ausan ? As a character and such. Do you think he is developed enough?
Red: I know I didn't have him mentioned very long...and he just left.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I think more work could be done on him, myself. a character like that is tricky, though, so don't worry about taking your time.
Ariel.of.Narnia: One way to develop him is to speak of him outside of the prologue. Stories. Memories. Histories.
Ariel.of.Narnia: If you could find a way to connect us to him too, it'd be even better
Red: Right- okay; I want some mystery about him though cuz I have special plans for him through...possibly a series. I get what ya mean. So I'll take a look at that too *noted*
Red: What do you think of his name???
Red: Is it weird?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, I see.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Frankly, it makes me think of a cross between Aslan and Susan, but I'm a wacko. It's not a bad name
Red: Haha...that's actually how I came up with it... I know I'm a nerd.
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol!
Red: Glad to hear its not a bad name...
Red: I guess I'll stick with it
Ariel.of.Narnia:
Red: Anything else anyone wants to add?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I probably would only go with only one or two bedside speeches. One that would affect this last king here the most
Red: If not, I guess I'm done...
Ariel.of.Narnia: I hope the re-write goes well with you.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Will? Ed?
Red: Thanks! I'm really looking forward to the outcome. Thanks for all the feedback.
Ariel.of.Narnia: You're welcome!
Sir-William: I'm done. Thanks, Ariel
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey-dokey!
Sir-William: Ed is too
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. We'll call it quits for tonight, then. Thanks for sharing, Red!
Writer’s Group Dismissed ~
