Writer's Group opens ~
gypsevedius: If Writers has started, I've got a question.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, shoot.
gypsevedius: Is it possible for someone to talk in a tired but strong voice? o.o
elanorelle: *wander in*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Gyps: hmm...
gypsevedius: *hugtackles Ela*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Elanor: *glomps!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: What's the context, Gyps?
gypsevedius: Uh, What do you mean?
elanorelle: *oofs*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Gyps: what's the situation that this voice is to be found in and who does the voice belong to?
gypsevedius: This girl. These two people found her crying in the middle of the night, and she asked "Who's there?" in a tired, but strong voice.
gypsevedius: Is that what you wanted to know?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, it is.
gypsevedius: Good.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Why is she crying at midnight? (it'll help me figure out more of the situation)
gypsevedius: Because uh... her husband got banished from the country and she couldn't go with him...? it's complicated.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hm'kay
gypsevedius: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'd say it's possible to be both tired and strong, but you're likely to have more of one than the other
gypsevedius: The novel is 71k words long right now so if I changed one thing I'd have to change like, everything else.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, haha
gypsevedius: Okay. I'll think about it then.
gypsevedius: Thanks.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Elanor? You got anything to share?
elanorelle: Yes, it's not finished, yet. But I'd like to have some thoughts.
elanorelle: It's a fic, though.
gypsevedius: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: Fine by us, right Gyps?
gypsevedius: Yup! 'course!
elanorelle: Okey dokey. It's a War Horse fic, one I just got an idea for.
elanorelle: Here goes:
Ariel.of.Narnia: Woohoo! Just watched it.
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: When I heard my Albert's call that day I trotted over, the summer grass soft under my hooves, and saw someone quite unfamiliar. I was curious as there were hardly any visitors I didn't already know. My ears went forward and I decided to look him over: he was taller than my comrade and though his hair was beginning to grey and his face had the creases of man that should be much older, he wore a young, amiable smile when his eyes met mine, as if we knew each other. He reached up and patted my neck with a gloved hand. “Hello, Joey.”
That voice. I seemed to recall it from my memories of the War. It was gentle enough to calm even the most terrified of horses but full of strength and will. I watched him closer, trying to place him, but coming up short. His hand still rested on my neck as he turned to Albert. “He is a most remarkable horse, if all I've heard is true and I'm sure it is. My dearest friend, rest his soul, would have been proud of him. He'd have been proud of you, Joey.” When I heard those words I nickered and edged closer to him.
“I do believe he remembers you, Captain.”
“Of course he does.” He took off his glove and touched his hand to my nose, then rubbed my ear, which he never did before. “I made sure my Topthorn took good care of him.”
“Topthorn?”
“The greaebs horse in the cavalry. Glossy black and fit for anything. A perfect specimen by any standards – only your Joey could even try to match him. It became a competition between James – Captain Nicholls – and myself. He always believed Joey was the better horse, which I never could agree with, even when we were outrun on those practice charges. And on that day, the day Nicholls was killed, Joey did his best. Kept running straight into the danger, he did. We won that battle, but at a terrible loss.” His eyes no longer looked into mine, nor Albert's, but straight ahead into the moors.
“It was then that I handed him over to a trooper, he would have been about your age when you enlisted. He'd lost his horse in the charge and needed a new mount. Warren, as he was called, was too kind a soul to be out in such desolation, just as so many others dragged into the mess. He died in one of the prison camps. Poor boy. But before we were separated he cared for Joey just as well as Nicholls, and my Topthorn did his best to provide the comfort no human could.” He slipped on his glove again.
Albert turned his eyes to Captain Stewart. “When I got Joey back, the old man who sold him to me said something about a big black horse. He said his granddaughter, Emilie, took care of both Joey and that horse. Do you suppose that was your Topthorn?”
“I couldn't imagine anything else,” he said. “But it wouldn't matter. If he were alive, I'm sure he'd have been right beside Joey their entire journey. They shared a bond stronger than any two horses I've ever seen. I couldn't imagine either of them showing up by themselves without the other, unless the other was unable to do so.” He stood unblinking and I saw tears well up in his eyes, but he didn't cry. “You know, Albert, that terrible war has taken the two friends most dear to me... [trails off here because that is all there is]
Ariel.of.Narnia: Slight AU?
gypsevedius: AU?
elanorelle: I also want to note this is bookverse.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Bookverse. Got it.
elanorelle: Maybe a mixture of both, but yeah the parts that are AU are bookverse.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Gyps: "AU" is short for "alternate universe", in which something is vastly different from canon
gypsevedius: Oh.
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Elanor: Got it. (Man, I need to read the book) I'm sniffling on the inside, whatever the case
gypsevedius: *has no idea about the actual book or movie or whatever* but I liked the story.
elanorelle: I was hoping to go over what happened to Stewart after he was released from his camp.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I like how Stewart regards the horses as brothers-in-arms.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh
Ariel.of.Narnia: That'd be nice
elanorelle: I always figured he would live, and wanted him to interact with Joey afterwards.
elanorelle: Any criticisms?
Lil: *scrambles in*
elanorelle: *waves to Lil*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Lil!
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Elanor: I'll have to read it again, sorry, but I'll let you know if I come across anything I want to comment on!
elanorelle: Okay, thanks.
Lil: I have a small question
elanorelle: Sure, Lil.
Lil: *forgot which captain was which*
Lil: *only knew them by the actors that played them*
Ariel.of.Narnia: (Haha, I know the feeling, Lil)
elanorelle: Stewart was a Major in the film, he was played by Cumberbatch. The other, Nicholls, was played by Hiddleston.
elanorelle: Stewart was captured by the Germans.
Lil: (Okay, I'm cool now.)
elanorelle: ?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Any further thoughts for Elanor?
Lil: (Sorry about that. Here we go for Nicholls)
Lil: That's beautiful Elanorelle!
elanorelle: Thanks, Lil! *likes the gif*
Lil: I had a little trouble in the beginning because I didn't know it was the horses pov and I was trying to read it really fast
Lil: But it's awesome, Ela
elanorelle: Yeah, writing from a horse's pov is different but I wanted to align with the book more.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Honestly, I think the only concrit I have at is that Stewart talks a little too much (I think) of historic detail.
elanorelle: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aside from that though, carry on
elanorelle: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: Lil, you got anything?
Lil: I suppose I might have something
Lil: Just a rambling filler scribble
Lil: *doesn't want to take anyone else’s place*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Eh, I was planning on going after you.
Lil shares ~
Lil: When all was ready the high king gave the word and the party moved out. It was the sort of winter day that you would hope. The best sort of day where the is crisp and cool, with hardly a breeze and no snow in sight. The a perfect for making snowmen or for having a snowball fight or for taking a walk. It was the sort of day that makes you glad to be alive. There is indeed to little to say about their journey that day or the next or several (a good many that followed ?) for what this there to say of long miles in the saddle under a grey winter's sky when everything is covered in white and looks and looks not much different.
It was however that that very day (week?), though they were unaware of it, that the fine weather they had been enjoying was about to change. It started about 3 in the afternoon, with the first few flakes of snow floating though there air which began to soon settle on everyone and melt just as quickly as they had fallen. (This provided a feel of cool and unpleasant dampness) And still they carried on. The further they went the thicker the flakes fell, till finally it began to be hard to see and too hard and hard for the smaller animals to walk
Lil: I apologize it's just scribbles and so recently written I haven't decided on a few things
Lil: I meant to connect it to a larger chapter but I haven't yet. >.<
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's okay!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sounds ominous though
Lil: Well it's supposed to lead up to a blizzard
Lil: I can post that too if there is any interest
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, yes, proceed!
Lil: (it needs some connecting here though)
Lil: With a shiver, the High King dismounted from his horse. His leg sunk into a knee-high snowdrift as he slid off of his horse.
His brother Edmund rode up beside him, "Peter! What are you doing?" he asked, having to shout over the roar of the wind.
The High King shot back, "Have those who are smaller and having difficulty mount up. We'll tie a rope to ourselves and the horses to keep us from getting separated. The rest of the army can do likewise.... Lu!" He shouted again. Having seen her disappear from the crowd and not having seen her dismount.
Soon he saw her; red faced and head bowed down against the wind and snow, leading her horse over with a load of smaller Narnian creatures in the saddle. She must have seen me dismount and though the same thing, Peter thought.
Handing the reigns up to Edmund, the young Queen made her way to her elder brother's side. Looking down at her, he saw her face held a sad miserable look, but he said nothing. Than quietly she said, "I'm cold."
As Peter put his arms around his little sister, he heard the shout of a dwarf.
“Yer Majesty,” the dwarf shouted up at him above the wind. “This here’s a blizzard comin’ in and a mighty fierce one too. We must stop!”
“Hadn’t we better press on in hope of finding some better shelter?” the king hollered back.
With the greats respect, NO! Snow caves, Yer Majesty, Snow Caves!”
Lil: *ends there as it just meanders after that*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Mm, fun fun
Ariel.of.Narnia: So is this going to connect to the bit you had me read last night or to something else? Just curious
elanorelle: I like what you have so far, Lil.
Lil: Oh! Yes
Lil: It should connect yes
Lil: I’m planning on making it one chapter
elanorelle: (It looks like I need to go... why is it the Saturdays I come in Writers' we eat a late dinner? Ah, well. Goodbye and goodnight. *hugs everyone and wanders out*)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Alright, excellent! I can see these two parts being set together.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aww, bye, Elanor!
Lil: *hugs Elanor!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Is Gyps still here?
gypsevedius: Yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, hi.
gypsevedius: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, if you two are willing, I've got a something
Ariel.of.Narnia: It's still rough, so sorry about that
Tenethia Brandybuck: And you can PM it to Tenny!
Tenethia Brandybuck: smiley-wink
Ariel.of.Narnia: Or Tenny can stick around for 10 minutes and see it here.
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: It was her birthday the day before I was deployed. As far as we knew, the last we’d celebrate together. Home wasn’t in any danger of becoming a war zone, so I knew she’d be safe; but we both knew that the chances of my returning were slim. So we went all-out, just the two of us. She wore her favourite dress while I dressed up in my signature light blue. She put together a picnic basket, complete with a raspberry jelly roll, while I bought balloons. Lots of balloons. She had an inexplicable delight in them. So we headed to our special spot by the lake and together blew up those balloons to decorate our picnic area. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but we wouldn’t have that day cluttered with anything else.
We strolled beside the reeds, raced over the bridge, even climbed a tree. We talked while the sun set, then snuggled together under the picnic blanket to sink into silence as the stars came out. I wondered if I’d hear this silence again while I was away: the calm before the storm. I considered the likelihood of my seeing two missiles headed toward each other, just as two stars were doing just then. I even feared the effects of a cloud more terrible than the wispy one to the south. These thoughts I kept to myself, but it seemed I needn’t have worried, for she dozed off in my arms. I’d give anything to have that moment again.
I allowed my mind to wander, but remained in the by finger-combing her hair, till dawn crept upon us and she awoke. We did not exchange words. We just knew: our time was nearly at its end. As the sky turned from grey to pink, we released the balloons, one by one like prayers sent Heaven-ward, watching till they disappeared. My gaze was still to the sky when she pressed something into my hand: a single red balloon, saved, apparently, for this moment.
It is that same balloon that I keep in my breast pocket. Through the skies, over waters, under fire, I have carried it close to my heart. It reminded me of what I was fighting for, gave me hope of returning to her after this sordid war.
But I never came home.
The quiet is killing me. The war’s destruction lies all around me: I stand in the midst of dust and rubble. Those who have not succumbed to their wounds may yet succumb to their wounded and shell-shocked minds. Whatever city was here, it’s long gone. As it is, what used to be parks are now cemeteries and I’ve had to repurpose some of the rubble to set up grave markers. One such park in this unfamiliar city has what must have once been a beautiful lake. It’s a little secluded, tucked away from everything. I am glad to be alone here. Alone with the almost-empty canister I’ve smuggled from our stock and with my memories. Memories of her and the time we had together. Her red dress and her auburn tresses. The ninety-nine balloons we released the morning I left.
This war is the reason I can never be home.
Supporting myself against my latombstone, I remove the balloon from my pocket. I inflate it with the remainder of the canister’s contents. I close my eyes. Take a deep breath. And release it. Just before it disappears, I bid her farewell and leave her grave behind.
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end
gypsevedius: O.O
gypsevedius: That was great!
Lil: Wait... wait wait...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Thanks, gyps.
Lil: What happened???
Ariel.of.Narnia: (you should be happy, Gyps, to know that this was inspired by Owl City )
Lil: O.O
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Lil: where did I lose you? I need to know where I need to brush up
gypsevedius: smiley-razz
Lil: Not so much lost me more
gypsevedius: I have to go now
Lil: *shock*
gypsevedius: Byee! *poofs*
Lil: *Gypsyhugs*
Lil: Like it's GOOD
Lil: Ariel, it's GOOD
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Gyps: Bye!
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Lil: Oh, haha, good to know!
Ariel.of.Narnia: So it was clear enough, then?
Lil: Say what I'm picturing is something like Britain
Ariel.of.Narnia: Britain?
Lil: Well Britain was bombed?
Lil: Eh.... maybe not
Lil: (was it vanilla twilight?)
Lil: *has so many questions!*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha
Lil: You said home was safe so she wouldn't be in any danger
Ariel.of.Narnia: It's not specifically anywhere or any time or anyone, really
Lil: Oh
Ariel.of.Narnia: And, no, it's his cover of Nena's "99 Luftbalons" (the English version being titled "99 Red Balloons"
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you think the ambiguity works?
Lil: I haven't heard that one
Lil: I'm no expert but I do think it's a great twist
Lil: Although I wonder if people won't be wondering what war
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hmm, okay. Noted. I think I need to talk more about the war anyway, if I want to try to incorporate the theme of the song
Lil: When he says he never came home is that speaking of home as in being with people?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Whoot! That part came through!!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, that is what the speaker means
Lil: That's what I thought
Lil: Although for a second I thought maybe he had come home from this war "different" as they used to say
Lil: I think that part ties in well with end though I did think it was maybe London or somewhere
Lil: (of course I didn't remember any canisters in WWII so.. that threw it out.)
Lil: The end is so beautiful and sad
Lil: About how he lets the balloon go
Lil: What was this song written for
Lil: This 99 balloons song?
Ariel.of.Narnia: So far as I've seen on the internet,
Ariel.of.Narnia: The song is actually anti-war
Ariel.of.Narnia: The story of it goes something like this: someone sends up 99 balloons, which triggers a reaction from another country as someone thinks that it's an attack. Thus begins a war that lasts 99 years or something.
Ariel.of.Narnia: The English version is slightly different (no 99 years' war, for instance), but the gist is still there
Lil: Eh....
Lil: Sticky wicket there
Lil: I'd say in that case go more for vauge
Lil: Like it is
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha
Lil: Unless you were intending to make a political message?
Ariel.of.Narnia: No, not really. the furthest I intended on going with the song's theme, if I do manage to incorporate it, was simply to show the effects of war.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Perhaps if I also show that the war is still going on (and that the speaker is still a soldier), it would allow for the reader to choose how they think of it
Lil: *shrugs*
Lil: I apologize, I am no great critiquer
Lil: I liked it just fine
Lil: But then you're the writer and you know when it feels right and finished
Lil: I guess the only line that tripped me up was "Alone with the almost-empty canister I’ve smuggled from our stock and with my memories." (the smuggled part made me think rationing)
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's fine! at the very least, I get a fresh pair of eyes and a new look at it!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, noted. that will need to be fixed
Lil: and I'm also not very bright at night
Ariel.of.Narnia: I might just ditch the canister entirely, really... doesn't really flow, no matter how I try to fit it in.
Lil: I am totally rent through to think he survived and she didn't
Lil: You broke me inside! Good job!
Lil:*eats one of the ! marks.*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hurrah!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Thanks bunches
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll have to go and play with it more, but this definitely helps!
Lil: Keep this version though, maybe? I dunno. to look at and compare while you play? I don't know
Lil: I helped! Yay!
Lil:*feels better about self*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, yes, good thought.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, you did help!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, with that, Writers' is closed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
