elanorelle: *wanders in*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Elanor!!
elanorelle: Hello.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hello.
Ariel.of.Narnia: You here for writers'?
elanorelle: Yes, but unfortunately my story isn't done like I hoped. Things took a turn so I wasn't able to get at it today.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ah, okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: Interested in sharing what you've got or no?
elanorelle: Yeah, I think so. Probably a bit of editing is in order before I decide to share what I have.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: Do you want to go first or shall I? I found a story that I haven't shared
elanorelle: I'm not ready just yet, so if you'd like, you could start off.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, so to explain a bit
Ariel.of.Narnia: I won't say what it's about just yet
Ariel.of.Narnia: But this is told is little fractured pieces
Ariel.of.Narnia: And it's not really edited, so sorry for anything that's unclear. Feel free to tell me at the end.
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: /July 11, 5:05 pm
“Grant?”
Grant yanked an earbud out in irritation. “What?”
“Phone for you!”
“Who is it?”
“The bank.”
Grant growled. Loudly. “Mom, I told you I didn’t want that job!”
“Well, pick it up anyway!”
“Fine….” Grant stomped downstairs and took the phone./
-- July 4, 2:43 pm
Conrad leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head. He loved his life. Nice and easy. Easy-peasy. He knew many people wished they could be in his situation: working from home over the internet and making good money. With minimal effort, he might add. But he was the lucky one, part of the elite.
It had, of course, taken him time to set everything up. Every good business has that hurdle to jump. But with study, some trial-and-error, and careful planning, he had a well-oiled machine rolling pretty as you please. All he had to do was wait for applicants to make it run better.
He grinned at his screen as his e-mail provider indicated that he had two new applications. He opened both of them. One was from a single mom of four in need of a good job from home. The other from a fresh college graduate not pursuing a career based on his education – but then, Conrad knew he was offering more than your average wage, so perhaps the kid figured he could at least make some good money while he found the right job. Whatever. Conrad didn’t care. Just so long as he had people running his business. He answered both applicants and waited again.
-- July 8, 9:31 am
The single mom had replied to him with good speed, but it took four days more to get the college graduate on board. Conrad had actually despaired of the kid’s delay and his unnecessary questions. So much so that he had to set a time limit.
Turned out that was the push the kid needed.
With half a smile, Conrad proceeded to send the information the kid would need for his first day on the job. The kid responded with yet another question, but at least it sounded like he was committed to this.
Everything was in order. He could feel it. His business had grown by that much.
-- /July 11, 5:08 pm
Grant begrudgingly held the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hi, Grant, this is Chance with State Banking. Have you got a minute?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Great. Now I’m calling in regard to a transfer of $1,500 that was transferred into your account on the eighth and then a few other transfers since that time.”
“Yeah, that’s from a job I recently took up.”/
-- July 10, 11:55 am
The single mom had left. Right in middle of the probation period – and she’d been doing so well! Conrad felt he needed to follow up and make sure that was what she wanted. But then, she knew what she was doing. He’d seen her birthdate on her resume. She was definitely old enough to look after herself.
Still. He had a business to run.
He stared at the computer screen and drummed his fingers. How long ago had he e-mailed the kid? Conrad was a patient man, but even his patience had its limits. He shot a quick message to one of his employees to call the kid’s number while he sent instructions to another new applicant – a part-time waitress.
The kid replied to his e-mail. Finally! Conrad sent him directions similar to what he had the day before. He even added the incentive of a bonus in hopes the kid would actually do his work in good time.
Sure enough, the incentive did its work. Conrad was willing to make that sacrifice once in a while so long as it brought effective results. And the kid sounded pretty enthusiastic to boot. Conrad smiled in satisfaction. It wouldn’t be long now, but decent progress had been made with the kid and that’s all that he cared.
-- July 11, 8:00 am
Conrad ignored all e-mails from the single mom who’d left. He was a busy man and had no time for ex-employees. The kid and the waitress were raking in the dough and practically begging for more work. These two newbies were his priority; they were the ones boosting his business, after all. But she was persistent, this single mom. Very. Persistent. Finally, he blocked her as spam.
-- /July 11, 5:15 pm
“Say what?!” Grant exploded into the phone.
“That money never existed, Grant.”
“So now what?”
“Do you have a way to pay the money you sent out back?”
“No…,” Grant groaned. Then he rammed his fist into the kitchen counter and added in a hiss, “I hate him, that cheat, I hate him!” /
-- July 11, 8:32 pm
Conrad was just replying to yet another new candidate when he suddenly received an e-mail from the college graduate. Curious, he opened it. He raised his eyebrow at the first few words, but kept on reading. The kid waxed eloquent so far as his colourful – but unvaried – vocabulary went. That in itself was kind of amusing.
But after the entertainment value of the e-mail was spent, Conrad didn’t care. He had known that this moment would come, when the kid was no longer useful, when his bank froze him but could do nothing about the several thousand dollars Conrad had received with open arms. The kid couldn’t touch him. The bank couldn’t touch him. Not without going through a lot of effort.
And in the meantime, he had to finish writing an e-mail to the kid’s replacement. Business was business, money was money. Easy-peasy.
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end
elanorelle: Interesting...
Ariel.of.Narnia: ... yeah, I have a tendency to write unhappy original stories.
elanorelle: I like how you decided to go back and forth between the two sides, made it more varied seeing it from different perspectives.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Good, glad that worked
Ariel.of.Narnia: It's about a scammer, by the way. I know someone who fell for a "job" offer online, and that inspired me
elanorelle: I was just about to ask the inspiration behind it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, well, that's it
Ariel.of.Narnia: How's your editing going?
elanorelle: I think I'll share what I have.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: Go for it
elanorelle: Okay, here goes.
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: There was a chill on the air, a hint of the oncoming winter, as I stood tied to a gate out front of an old farmhouse. The quiet on the secluded parcel of land was unsettling and whenever a bird whistled overhead or the gunfire of a hunter cracked in the distance I spooked, ready to bolt away to safety, and only afterward did I realize they were only the ghosts of the past come to haunt me while I was in solitude.
So different it was out here compared to the village we were marched through not more than a few hours before. All around us there had been the sound of soldiers' feet kept in time with steady drumbeats, my own hoofs clicking smartly on the cobblestone, with the echoes of the church bells adding a comfort of familiarity to our parade. People crowded us searching for their own, some falling into an embrace while others held each other close knowing their loved one would not be returning. The sound of happiness and sorrow mixed in with everything else made for a noisy procession, but there was no fear to be had there, not when I was amongst comrades, but standing alone with the entire world to my back, I began to feel vulnerable.
I pawed at the ground in my anxiety when I heard the creak of a door. My ears went forward. It was my master: he placed his cap upon his head and touched two fingers to the brim, nodding slightly to whomever stood behind the door. He turned ready to leave but his attention was caught by the one who stood in the shadowed house and he stood a while, staring, before answering – I heard nothing of the exchange.
After several minutes of waiting helplessly, the door to the house shut and Albert ambled up the dirt path, never once looking up. Before coming here he would speak to me when we were alone, often telling me he needed to make this visit to be rid of a heavy burden, but seeing him now I knew nothing was changed: the weight he carried was still visible.
His fingers tried to work out the knot that kept me from straying into the pastures yonder, but his hands were unsteady and it took some time before I was loosed. He didn't mount me as I expected and with my reigns in his hand he started along the side of the muddy road as I walked alongside him. Even though no noise was made between us, I was at ease in his company. The only thing I felt was the soft tug of the bridle as he led me along, so I edged toward him, pressing my face to his shoulder, as I have often done before. He would have none of it and pushed my head away.
Being close as brothers, I knew he did not do it in anger. He needed to be alone in his thoughts and I respected that. Times like these were not uncommon to me now. My boy was a boy no longer – the war had changed all those happy times we once had – he was now a man who had seen too many horrors in his young life, lost too many friends.
Ariel.of.Narnia: !
elanorelle: That's where my clean editing is cut off. The rest is just unfinished thoughts and dialogue I need to rake through.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Bother!
Ariel.of.Narnia: I liked that bit about Albie not being a boy anymore
elanorelle: I wish I could have had more time to spend with it today, so I'd have more to share but c'est la vie.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I look forward to the rest
elanorelle: Thanks, I had to place something about that somewhere and decided that was an appropriate place.
Ariel.of.Narnia: About what now?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, about his not being a boy.
elanorelle: Yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, I thought it worked perfectly
elanorelle: Thank you.
elanorelle :I really want to finish this story already, especially because everyone is working with me now.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Is there anything you'[re looking for?'
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, milk that for all it's worth!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Any chance you're willing to read something I haven't finished yet?
elanorelle: Any thoughts you'd like to add? Maybe the way it flows and what you think might be good to add in now or later on... things like that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: The flow is good, I think. *rereads*
elanorelle: My laptop wants to update in 10 minutes. -.-
Ariel.of.Narnia: *wrinkles nose* that's annoying
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, the flow's good
Ariel.of.Narnia: I can't think of anything to add later at , but it sounds like it's going good places
elanorelle: I hope it'll turn out all right.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, it's got a promising start, so we can only hope it'll keep going.
elanorelle: Maybe by the end of the week-end I'll have something more substantial.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll be around to read it when you're ready.
elanorelle: smiley
elanorelle: I'll be disappearing shortly...
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay
elanorelle: Ugh. I hate these constant updates.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Writers' dismissed then!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
