Ariel.of.Narnia: Whoa, are there really people here?!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *long awkward silence later* okay then.
elanorelle: I'm here.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hello, hello.
Lil: Present!
elanorelle: *waves*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *waves* hi, Lil! Sorry I totally forgot to remind you last week
Lil: *huffs and puffs* I'm here!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee
Ariel.of.Narnia: I don't know if anyone else is coming today or not. Haven't heard.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So, do either of you have something to share this week?
elanorelle: Um, I do. Not finished, exactly. I could use about ten more minutes to clean it up.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. How about you, Lil?
Lil: Nothing new smiley-sad
Lil: But I want to get back into story of mine maybe
Lil: I'm not sure
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. Anything we can help you with?
Lil: (I'm afraid my muse is drying up)
Ariel.of.Narnia: (I'm currently playing with a prompt from last week myself as I didn't have a chance to write this week)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Uh-oh, we can't have that!
Lil: So the problem is I have this story
Lil: Beginning, middle and endish.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Dear dear
Lil: I have a few scattered scenes between
Lil: But I'm not sure how I can make it a story
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ahh
Ariel.of.Narnia: Are these scenes related?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I mean, clearly so?
Lil: I don't know
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. You comfortable with sharing them and then maybe we can work out something to connect them?
Lil: I mean the starters was a story written was as letters
Lil: But then scenes started popping up I'd noodle away at
Sir-Edward: I'm here!
Sir-Edward: Don't everybody greet me at once!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Ed! We're currently trying to help Lil with a story idea
Sir-Edward: Oh! OK, what's the general idea?
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll let Lil explain her situation.
Sir-Edward: ...well, that's very illuminating...
Lil: Well there are of course the usual factors (muse drying up, betas leaving, etc. etc. etc. sp? )
Lil: I have this story with a beginning middle and end
Sir-Edward: Well, yes, but what IS the story? I mean, what's it about?
Lil: Only little bit snippets and scribbles between
Ariel.of.Narnia: We're going to try to help her sew these bits into one story
Sir-Edward: Ok
Lil: I'm not sure I can share all of them
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, then we can work with the ones you can
Lil: (if there is anyone if new writing or something to share, you're welcome to go ahead of me.)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ed?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela's editing hers and I'm writing one up, so if you've got anything, you have the floor
Ariel.of.Narnia: *pokes Ed*
Sir-Edward: Ah! Sorry!
elanorelle: Hrm. I might be able to go. It isn't finished, but maybe you guys could help me with that.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, you two can duke that out.
elanorelle: Ed, if you'd like to go, have at it. But I'm willing if no one else wants to or has something.
Sir-Edward: I'm still working on my story and as yet have not finished anything substantial yet. :\
The Golden Chesspiece: Halloo
Sir-Edward: Hey chess!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi, Chess! Come to join us for writers'?
elanorelle: So, I guess I'm going?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yes, you are, Ela.
Sir-Edward: Indeed
The Golden Chesspiece: Sure!
The Golden Chesspiece: I completely forgot about it.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Sweet. Elanor's going to share something she wrote, then we'll offer our thoughts on it, and then go from there. No worries.
elanorelle: Okay, I'll begin.
Elanorelle shares ~
elanorelle: He was suspended between sleep and consciousness like a buoy caught between the water and sky. The nothingness of dreamless slumber shifted into half-aware reasoning and part of him wanted to sink back into the hazy trance, but something, whispers rising from the recesses of his being, prodded him, keeping him from slipping away: he could not hear words, but he understood. He needed to wake.
He strained against his feverish mind, but nothing happened. The blackness persisted, pressuring him further down into the depths of a stupor, holding him prisoner. He forced himself to fight the urge to give in, but the torpor persisted and the easy decision to let it take its course, let himself fade away, was overwhelming. Like thoughts drifting on the surface of a tormented mind are washed away with a draught of wine, so too could he. In one painless move, he could let go, allow it to take over and...
No. He wouldn't. It would be betrayal. He knew he could resist. One always has the choice to resist, even stranded, helpless in a silent world of the mind's imagining. He concentrated, intent on rousing from the nightmare filled with nothing.
A dream-like figure materialized, far off, swamped in the mist of his delusional ideas, and called out to him. The words had no meaning, as if it were speaking in a gibberish tongue. Again, it called, this time a change came over its utterance as it raised one arm toward him, and he knew its purpose.
A feeling of terror crept over him.
Wake up.
His thoughts raced as he searched for something tangible, something to hold on to that could pull him out of this place.
Wake up.
A flicker of something flashed before his closed eyes.
Wake up.
He focused.
Wake up.
A face. The defiant look. Those words.
Wake up.
His heartbeat quickened.
Wake up.
He deepened his breaths and remembered the face. Her face. Her courage.
Wake up.
Voices. He heard them now. The sickening murmurs surrounded him.
Wake up.
His eyes finally fluttered open to a room filled with darkness. An absence of both light and humanity.
His body was now as alert as his mind and his heart raced, finally understanding where he was. The feeling came back to his arms – he winced as he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and clenched his fists. They were secured to the cold, steel table. He tried to lift his head, but his neck was clamped down to such a degree that he thought he would choke if he moved it any higher. He shivered at the precision. They were always precise.
elanorelle: And - end - sorta. That is all I have so far besides fragments of ideas.
- discussionification -
Ariel.of.Narnia: *gulp* that bit about how they were always precise. That was a little chilling
Sir-Edward: Indeed
Lil: *shivers alongside Ariel* Who is this? Where is this? *is so nervious but so excited*
Lil: And one question
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela, is he in a situation we're supposed to recognize or are we just supposed to focus on his semi-conscious thoughts?
elanorelle: @Lil: He's another nameless character of mine.
elanorelle: @Ariel: focus on his thoughts
Lil: I love this!
Ariel.of.Narnia: *has wild theories running around like plot bunnies in her mind*
Lil: *is a very bad critic*
Lil: It just makes me wonder who are they?
elanorelle: Sorry if I don't answer everything. I have to keep reloading my chat. -.-
Lil: who is the villian?
Lil: *rubs hands. So exciting*
The Golden Chesspiece: Oh cool! @Ela, that piece really puts me in the character's place. I automatically imagine the feeling you describe. A good attention grabber (which is great if this is the beginning of the work) and makes me want to read more. (Hint hint) Hahaha
elanorelle: Thanks, Chess.
elanorelle: @Lil: I don't know who the villain will be, at least, not this far in.
elanorelle: I basically know what you guys know.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hahahaha
The Golden Chesspiece: Ohh okay
The Golden Chesspiece: So that is the start to someting...?
Elanorelle: I don't even know how I got the idea to write this, but there it is.
elanorelle: Could be.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I might have to read it again before I can offer much more, I'm afraid.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Is there any particular feedback you're hoping for, Ela?
elanorelle: Hmm. How did it make you feel? Is there anything that should be changed to make it flow better? Any ideas about the situation he's in? Other offerings of advice are also welcome.
Ariel.of.Narnia: *scrolls back up*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, I do have to say that I like the long sentences at the beginning and then the shorter ones as he fights his way back to wakefulness.
not only is it good contrast and tension-building, but it also reflects those feelings that he has.
Ariel.of.Narnia: As for situation (I told you I had ideas running about), I'm thinking captive, alien abductee, some kind of medical reasons (though he is on a cold, steel table, so... make of that what you will)
Ariel.of.Narnia: Or he's insane
elanorelle: The long and short sentences were not intentional, but I'm glad you felt it worked for the good of the narrative.
Lil: It worked well
Lil: *wondering* you mention a face and a defiant look and words then later "He deepened his breaths and remembered the face. Her face. Her courage." I assume they are the same person
Ariel.of.Narnia: Haha, it worked out very well indeed. The feeling of drifting, of in-betweenness, of limbo... giving way to "no, I have to fight this, this isn't right!"
Ariel.of.Narnia: I was wondering about the face too. Thanks for bringing that up, Lil
elanorelle: Interesting ideas, those. Not sure about "insane", though it might be plausible. He mentioned a "her", so I feel I'll have to explore that. @Lil: yeah, they are the same.
Lil: I thought captive of a villain
Ariel.of.Narnia: Terror... and yet he remembers courage. /That/ is definitely something to explore
Lil: But I tend towards melodrama or angst
Ariel.of.Narnia: @ Lil Is he terrified of her or of something that became of her or that he's seeing her like this after whatever events?
Lil: I thought maybe the her wasn't a villain there (thought it could be) but someone somewhere before whatever happened
Lil: A friend? A family member? A companion?
elanorelle: Lil has it correct.
Elanorelle: That's what was intended, though I know little about "her".
Ariel.of.Narnia: Yeah, I was thinking that too. But why the terror. I want to know why he feels terror!
The Golden Chesspiece: What 'her'?
Lil: *goes back to read*
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Chess: before Ela's protagonist wakes up, he "sees" in a dream/vision sense an unidentified woman
The Golden Chesspiece: Oh was that presented before?
elanorelle: @Ariel: It was terror at the figure's purpose. What that purpose was...
Lil: Was it terror at the figure's purpose?
The Golden Chesspiece: Very interesting
Lil: I don't think his eyes were open till the end right?
Lil: (although you can sometimes sense things with your eyes closed)
elanorelle: Right, his eyes were not open. It was a dream-induced vision.
Lil: (sorry if I'm no help, my brain is already imagining little ideas and plot bunnies
Lil: Like the that the terror was because he was waking up and his senses or mind remembered something before his brain did and that
Lil: *just thinking thoughts*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *slips in quietly*
Ariel.of.Narnia: But what is her intent? What happened to/with her that frightens him so? What does she want of/with him?
Ariel.of.Narnia: (hi, Tenny)
Ariel.of.Narnia: I obviously don't expect answers to my questions now.
elanorelle: Hmm, didn't think of that. I was thinking the figure was something that meant something more sinister.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So not so much her as much as what his seeing her res?
gypsevedius: (*sneaks in and sits in the corner with cloak hood low*)
elanorelle: The figure and the woman are separate entities.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh! Well then that makes more sense.
Lil: That's what I was getting
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's what I thought at first, and then something was said that made me think they were the same
Lil: *was a bit confused!*
elanorelle: Ah, okay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, sorry...
Lil: *patpats*
elanorelle: No prob.
elanorelle: smiley
elanorelle: The figure was more of a materialization of why he needed to wake, or so I think.
Lil: I wish I still had those notes someone gave me once about the stages of unconciousness
Ariel.of.Narnia: *bonks chat*
Ariel.of.Narnia: So the figure provides a motive. Perhaps it and the woman are connected?
elanorelle: They may be.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm thinking the woman is really the motivator, but the figure applies extra punch.
elanorelle: *nods*
Lil: Motivator?
elanorelle: One being malign, the other benign.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Motivator to wake him up
Ariel.of.Narnia: Perhaps he feels the need to wake so he can help her from whatever the figure res. or that he needs to know what has come of her. or something...
Lil: I'm going to assume something happened to knock him out
Ariel.of.Narnia: At this point, I definitely with you there!
Lil: Not to long ago the woman was standing up to something/someone
Lil: Somebody said defiant words
Lil: Him or the woman (I assume family or someone) or someone said something defiant
elanorelle: So many good thoughts! Some of which are along the lines of what I wanted to explore.
Lil: He remembers this and these are the first things he remembers on waking, and trying to remember where he is
Lil: Maybe it was even sometime before whatever they do that is efficient and leaves him on the table
Ariel.of.Narnia: *likes Lil's wording*
elanorelle: Hmm.
elanorelle: *does too*
Lil: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: Does that give you some fuel to go off of or do you need more?
elanorelle: *writes down ideas for this story to go back to later*
Lil: Take them! they're all free ideas
Ariel.of.Narnia: Chess and Tenny, do either of you have a story or poem or other writing to share?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Not I! Said the little red hen o.o
Ariel.of.Narnia: *tries to remember why that sounds familiar*
elanorelle: I'm going to disappear for a little for dinner.
Ariel.of.Narnia: okay. we'll be here when you get back.
- commercial break -
Ariel.of.Narnia: I do have a short little something I can share in the meantime though, if you're good with that
Lil: Oh sure
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay, so the prompt was to write a 100-250-word story beginning with the first sentence
Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~
Ariel.of.Narnia: They had nothing to say to each other. Surprising, considering all the talking that had to have happened beforehand, but the silence was clearly long stale before Corin happened upon them in the stables.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aravis’ lips were sealed tight. Her nose, usually held quite high in these situations, was positioned where normal people would place theirs. She was busily brushing down her glossy, red-brown mare, though judging from her glazed eyes and monotonous – if vigorous – motions, Corin could only surmise that one portion of the mare’s lovely coat was glossier than ever.
In the stall directly across, Cor had planted his feet firmly in front of his piebald stud and watched with excessive interest as the horse drank from the pail he held. Corin couldn’t quite see his face, but he was sure that he recognized the threat of a sulky pout. Even with all that, though, his head seemed to twitch, just a very little and it became clear that, despite the impossible angle, Cor’s eyes were not on his horse after all.
Corin rolled his eyes and smirked all at once. So that’s what this was about. A decade of watching these two had taught Corin a few things, so even if they had nothing to say, he did. He cleared his throat and exclaimed, “Oh, for pity’s sake, Aravis, just say yes!”
Ariel.of.Narnia: The end.
elanorelle: Hehe
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'm open to any comments. If there are none, we'll close for the night
elanorelle: I quite liked it.
elanorelle: Made me smile. I feel it's true to their characters.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Woohoo!
elanorelle: Is there anything specific you're looking for?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not really, unless you didn't like the way something sounds or flows or something could be described better
elanorelle: *reads it again*
elanorelle: Hmm. I don't know that I have much else to say.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Heehee, okay
Ariel.of.Narnia: In that case then, Writers' dismissed!
Writer's Group dismissed ~
