February 27, '16 Writers' Group Log

Moderators: Ariel.of.Narnia, Tenethia, White Rose, Lil

Post Reply
User avatar
Ariel.of.Narnia
Site Admin
Posts: 11696
Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2013 7:21 pm
Location: hiding in a wardrobe
Contact:

February 27, '16 Writers' Group Log

Post by Ariel.of.Narnia » Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:23 am

Writer's Group opens ~

Ariel.of.Narnia: Well, it's 5:35. Anyone got anything to share?
Kristi: I do
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okey-dokey, share away, Kristi!
Kristi: Ok
[Kristi shares, removed by her request]
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ela, do you have anything to share?
elanorelle: I wish I did.
Ariel.of.Narnia: I have something really stupid if you guys feel inclined...
Kristi: Sure!
Ariel.of.Narnia: Okay. This is based on a prompt I got from the interwebs.

Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~

Ariel.of.Narnia: The click of a pistol’s hammer permeated Garth’s subconscious. He ached all over, but particularly in his head, neck, and shoulders. He moaned and peeled his eyelids open, only to shut them again when a bright light seemed to sear his eyes. A velvety voice came from above and before him. “Give me a good one-liner, Mr. Miller, and I just may let you live.”
/Who is – what?/ He stirred and tried again to open his eyes, realizing in the meantime that his arms were sore because they were bound behind him and to the back of the chair he was seated on. He panicked and started to struggle, but with his feet bound to the chair as well, he only succeeded in rattling the chair about.
The chair suddenly refused to move, pinned down by some strong force from behind him. His eyes popped open, resting immediately upon his captor. For the most part, she was only a shadow, but enough light from the bright desk lamp highlighted her features. And the polished pistol she held. /Oh, no, not her. Why?! What did I do?/ His shallow breaths filled his ears. “Now see here,” he said. Or at any rate, he would have if his mouth hadn’t been stuffed and sealed.
She waved her pistol and a beefy henchman fairly ripped the gag from Garth’s mouth. While Garth worked his jaws, the woman inspected her gun. “I am short on time and patience, Mr. Miller. Just one good line, that’s all I ask.”
/A one-liner? That’s my only way out? But what if I can’t think of one?/ Sweat coated his palms. His stomach threatened to heave. His eyes darted wildly, even though he couldn’t see much besides the lamp and the woman - /Ah! Lora and Travis!/ If he squinted enough, he could just see his friends scuttling about in the dark doorway beyond the desk lamp. But the woman was watching him, so he quit squinting and looked elsewhere. Not at her, of course, nor at her pistol. /I could quote Dad – no, she knows about that. What if I impressed her by quoting someone she admires? No, that wouldn’t work, not on her. Not if all the stories are true. Something funny? Yipe, no…. Or something sage? Right, if only I could actually think of one!/
He snuck a glance at his captor. She was toying with the pistol, cocking and uncocking it, as though it was some kind of death clock. /Lora and Travis won’t get to me in time!/ The pistol cocked again, slowly, deliberately, probably for the last time. He screwed his eyes shut and shouted… something.
Silence. Garth finally dared to look up at the woman.
She tapped the pistol on her chin “I can work with that. Briggs, release him.”
The henchman grunted and freed Garth, who nearly cried with relief as he rubbed and flexed his sore muscles. Briggs hardly allowed him to recuperate before taking hold of his shirt, dragging him to the door, and then thrusting him into Lora’s and Travis’s arms.
“Now,” said the woman with a dreadful tone of finality and at a frightening proximity. Garth looked over his shoulder to see her silhouette – and the pistol – looming over him. “The three of you. Back into the story and behave yourselves.”

elanorelle: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's... where I had ended it but I dunno if it needs a little more to finish it?
elanorelle: I think that's a good way you could end it, but maybe say "my story"? It might make it more apparent if it isn't already. I don't know.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh, true
Kristi: *returns and grins*
Ariel.of.Narnia: What do you think Kristi?
Ariel.of.Narnia: Seriously, anything to make this less a piece of throw-away writing.
Ariel.of.Narnia: :P
elanorelle: I seriously need to do that with some of the characters I'm working with. Sheesh.
Kristi: Hmm, so was she gonna kill him off in her novel if he didn't produce a one-liner?
Ariel.of.Narnia: *cackles* except I've a feeling that your particular characters are too nice to terrorize like this
Ariel.of.Narnia: That's the idea. Though she didn't necessarily say she wouldn't kill him later. :P
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol!
Kristi: Maybe clarify that now he gets to survive chapter 13 or something
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hahahaha!
elanorelle: @Ariel: Yeah... you're probably right. But still, they need to work with me!
Kristi: So the author has a henchman?
Kristi: Caffeine? Vahlrona dark chocolate? Her inspirational mug?
Ariel.of.Narnia :@ela: :D
@Kristi: I... actually hadn't thought of that. I was just thinking a literal henchman, but a fictional one would actually be better. Not many authors have interrogation rooms in RL.
elanorelle: lol
Kristi: Maybe he notes she's wearing fingerless gloves in a small room with a typewriter
Ariel.of.Narnia: :o HOW DID YOU KNOW?! :P
Kristi: If that's not telescoping too much
Kristi: LOL
Kristi: Graphing...telegraphing
Kristi: And I like it. Love the twist ending
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, yay.
Ariel.of.Narnia: So it's not a total piece of trash after all?
Kristi: And the intro "Give me a one-liner and I just might let you live" was vitally necessary, to keep a reader who isn't much into spy-interrogation stuff, I think
Kristi: No, I don't think so
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oh?
Ariel.of.Narnia: How's that?
elanorelle: Absolutely not. I think any writer could identify with the situation, once it dawned on them what was going on.
Kristi: What was the prompt?
Ariel.of.Narnia: The prompt was "The click of the pistol’s hammer wakes you. A velvety voice lilts out of your vision, “Give me a good one liner and I just may let you live.” You can see two of your friends hiding outside the door, signaling to you that they are working on saving you. What do you tell the nice lady? Write this scene." I just applied it to a naughty character that an author was just fed up with.
Kristi: Well, since I don't know Garth and I don't know Author, it's trickier to keep me hooked that she's interrogating him
Kristi: *grins*
Kristi: And...let me check something
Kristi: Oh, yes, I got confused
Kristi: I thought Lora and Travis were the Author and her henchman.
Kristi: When you first mention the names, it's not clear he's referring to someone else, cause you just mentioned the woman
Kristi: I figured it out fast, but you could tweak and make it better
Ariel.of.Narnia: *nods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: I'll do that
Kristi: Possibly giving us the line...but I don't know that it's necessary
Ariel.of.Narnia: I've tried to come up with one for at least a week. Obviously, I'd die in that situation. :P
Kristi: Ha!
Ariel.of.Narnia: So my cop-out is that Garth doesn't even know what he blurted out
Ariel.of.Narnia: Cheap cop-out, I know. *hides in shame*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway, thanks guys. I'll play with making adjustments.
Kristi: "I know you know. You know I know. We know Henry knows and Henry knows that we know it. We're a knowledgable family."
Kristi: When in doubt, quote The Lion in Winter
elanorelle: smiley
Kristi: Though that's like five lines
Ariel.of.Narnia: *doesn't even know what that is*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anyway. Unless either of you have anything further you wish to discuss, we'll close shop for the night.
[and Writers' was never officially announced closed]

Writer's Group closed ~
knight and scribe
Image
lyrics from TobyMac's "New World"
Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Official Logs”