March 5, '16 Writer's Log

Moderators: Ariel.of.Narnia, Tenethia, White Rose, Lil

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narniac101
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March 5, '16 Writer's Log

Post by narniac101 » Sun Mar 13, 2016 3:36 am

Writer's Group opens ~

Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Heello, Squirrel!
Kristi: I'm here
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hey!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hm, where is everyone
Sir-Edward: *rides in on Wyvern*
Sir-Edward: *..and falls off*
Lil: *pops head in*
Kristi: I scared them with my prose
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): There you are, Ed!
Kristi: btw I was the squirrel
Kristi: Before you poked me
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *figres*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): @ -- Figres is when you prepare figs for being eaten
Sir-Edward: So...who's in charge of writer's?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod):*is*
Kristi: Hi Ela!
Tenethia Brandybuck: Hi, Ela!
elanorelle: Hey all.
Lil: Shall I start then?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Fire ahead!
Lil: *doesn't mean to interupt Fishy*

Lil shares ~

Lil: Peter starred up into the darkness, longing for light and shifted again for what might have been the five-thousandth time hearing the jingle of the chains above him rattle. He closed his eyes wishing for sleep that was denied him.
Every part of him ached, his back sore from the long procession and tense from sitting upright reminded sharply each time he moved.
Then it came like water to his parched tongue, a voice calling his name. He opened his eyes, unsure at first if he had actually heard it. Then it came again. Soft, still, yet clear.
“Peter.”
“Aslan!” the elder king rasped, smiling. With a click, the manacles holding his wrists opened. Overcome with joy, he stumbled forward flinging his arms around the lion breathing in the sweet perfume of His Country that always hung about him. “Oh Aslan, you’ve come!”
“Peter, rise and come.”
“Aslan?” Bruised and battered, his strength nearly gone, he was not sure if he could even get one foot underneath him. Yet, Aslan had given him a command and he must could not refuse.
With one last look at his brother, he placed his hand on the Lion’s broad back, feeling the strength enter him feeling the power and majesty of the muscles rippling beneath. The door before then opened, and together walked past the slumbering guards set to guard against escape. Walking back down halls that had previously exuded the feeling of darkness and evil, seemed not to touch him as the Lion walked beside him. It was almost as if evil was powerless, in the presence of the Lion.
No one hindered them along their way and every door opened before them till suddenly they were outside in the night air.
Pale moonlight shone down upon them as they made their way back through the city. It was quiet now, where before he had been he had been led towards the palace by surround by the noise of the pomp and splendor of the prince’s triumphal parade. In time they made wharfs where the ships were harbored. The salty tang of the sea breezes blew around him and at first he winced, unused to either the light or brisk wind.
From the harbor down towards the dunes, When they had gone a ways along the beach, Aslan turned and made his way behind a rather large and wide dune. At the Aslan’s request, Peter laid down in the sand, the Lion beside him. With the length of the walk and the warmth of the Lion’s mane and the sweet perfume that hung about him, Peter fell asleep feeling safe for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun.


Lil: Finished. Comments?
Lil: Ed? Kristi? Tenny? Ela?
Sir-Edward: *applauds*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *applauds too*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I like the tone, Lil.
Sir-Edward: *dances*
Kristi: Why did he leave Ed behind?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Bye-bye, Ed! Have fun being a captive!
Kristi: Oh, whew, I was so worried
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Sorry, but I have to slip out. I'll read the log though
Sir-Edward: *waves!!*
Lil: Thank you!
Kristi: You said "With one last look at his brother"
Lil: I suppose it doesn't make sense really?
Lil: But Edmund was in the next cell and Aslan came and told Peter to come?
Lil: (also Peter's situation was more grave storywise?)
Kristi: I don't understand why he wouldn't ask Aslan to help Edmund out too. And if he isn't going to, the audience needs a reason, even if it's just that Peter felt a sense of peace about his brother, or he asks Aslan and Aslan says not yet, or something. Or that in the dreamlike quality of the encounter he felt no concern for Edmund. But I think you need to address it.
Lil: Okay
Lil: Thanks
Kristi: Sure. I liked it very much otherwise
Lil: Yeah I was wondering how to do it
Kristi: Or Aslan says Edmund has another path to follow before they meet again maybe
Lil: I always have this trouble when I try to write Aslan
Kristi: I liked that evil seemed to recede in Aslan's presence
Lil: I thought that would be fitting
Kristi: smiley
Lil: I don't know if the story I based this chapter on is showing or not?
Kristi: Sounds like an alternate to HHB maybe
Kristi: Or a sequel to
Kristi: Or do you mean the escape of Peter in the Bible?
Lil: <.<
Lil: >.>
Lil: *searched and searched for a way to rescue and then I woke up one day thing about it*
Lil: The Bible story
Lil: But I still don't know (it was an angel here) does it sound okay Kristi?
Kristi: It seems a little deus ex machina, but given you're basing it on a true story, it's sort of hard to say that.
Kristi: And that is, to an extent, built into all the Chronicles anyway.
Kristi: Seeing as deus is an actual character
Kristi: In any other world I'd probably make Peter find his own way out
Lil: Yeah I thought about the deus ex machina, but I couldn't really come up with anything better?
Lil: (and like in robin hood people are always getting saved at the last moment?)
Kristi: Well, getting saved at the last moment isn't a problem. It's good plotting.

Writer's Group closes ~ (unofficially)
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Thank you, Hobbit!
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