March 19, '16 Writer's Log

Moderators: Ariel.of.Narnia, Tenethia, White Rose, Lil

Post Reply
User avatar
narniac101
Contributor
Posts: 13506
Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2014 9:42 pm
Location: Beneath a mound of yarn between alpaca fleece.

March 19, '16 Writer's Log

Post by narniac101 » Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:58 pm

Writer's Group opens ~

Albero1: Is Writer's happening tonight?
Kristi: Hi!
Kristi: Hope so!
Albero1: Good...I have something to share finally >.<
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *flies in!!!*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I forgot to check with Ariel and Lil to see who was supposed to lead tonight :P
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I literally JUST walked in the door from the state archery tournament
Albero1: Fashionably late.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Yup
Albero1: *hums*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): So I know Kristi has something to share
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And I know you do, too, Berry
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): And... I wonder where Ed and Will are
Sir-Edward: *rides hastily in*
Albero1: Hi Ed!
Sir-Edward: Greetings!
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Hi, Ed! Welcome to Writer's!
Kristi: Hi!
Albero1: I’ll share first, if that’s ok.
Albero1: This is a novel I've been plotting for a bit and meant to write the first chapter of today. I only wrote the first scene. Oh well.

Albero1 shares ~


Albero1: Her first memory was of silence. Not quiet. Utter, lonely, terrifying silence.
The next thing she remembered was opening her eyes and seeing trees. Tall, dark trees in an early summer dusk, enveloping her, suffocating her. She was lying on her back, staring up at the impossibly tall trees, searching. What had she been searching for? She couldn’t remember.
She sat straight up. It wasn’t just the thing she was searching for that she couldn’t recall; it was all of her memories. She could remember things like what trees were; or that this place with so many trees was called a forest. But she couldn’t remember her favorite color. Her friends. Even her name was as unreachable as the highest boughs of the dizzyingly tall trees above her head.
She saw a sudden flutter in the trees to her right. Only a bird, she told herself. It was getting dark and she was getting scared. She didn’t know where she was, couldn’t remember a thing and could hear just as little.
Think, she told herself. Breathe. She tried to separate herself from her mounting emotions. She tried to keep herself calm. But she was panicking. Why was she here? Where was here? Thoughts swirled in her head and she was losing her grip on her feelings.
She stood up and tried to look around better. The trees were thick, and covered with ivy. All of the trees were suffocating her. She was choking.
No, I’m not, she told herself. She wasn’t thinking straight. She put her hand against a tree trunk and jumped in terror when the ivy started to wrap around her hand. She pulled it away fearfully and stood as far away from every tree around her as she could. Where was she? Why was the forest attacking her? And, most importantly, who was she?


Albero1: All I've written so far
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh
Albero1: Yes I PMed you about it
Kristi: I like. I think we need to see more than one thing attack her before she comes to the conclusion that the whole forest is
Tenethia Brandybuck: I think I replied but I'd just gone to work or something
Kristi: Oh, great
Albero1: Okay that makes sense Kristi.
Kristi: Tenny, I added you days ago :P
Kristi: Accept the invite already
Kristi: And possibly using too many gerunds...especially "getting" and "getting" right next to each other
Albero1:*nods*
Albero1: I think this is the first time I've ever used a first draft in Writer's, lol
Kristi: smiley
Albero1: Anybody else have a suggestion?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *went and accepted it*
Kristi: smiley-lol
Ariel.of.Narnia: (*skids in*)
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I think you could use some more vivid verbs in addition to verb/adverb combinations.
Albero1: *nods*
Kristi: Please bring extra socks
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): like "pulled her hand back, frightened" could be "jerked her hand away"
Tenethia Brandybuck: Okay, I'll try to remember
Albero1: that sounds good
Kristi: (Saved my bacon a year ago)
Kristi: NJ was wearing an identical pair last weekend XD
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *grins*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I really liked it, Berry. I felt tone. Not just descriptions.
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): I like tones *thumbs up*
Albero1: Thank you ^.^
Ariel.of.Narnia: *will have to read everything via log*
Albero1: Hi Ariel! *snugs*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hi! smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Does Ariel have something to share tonight? or Edward?
Sir-Edward: Sorry :
Ariel.of.Narnia: I do.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Not happy with the tail end, but I do
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Fabulous Fire ahead
Ariel.of.Narnia: Oookay

Ariel.of.Narnia shares ~

Ariel.of.Narnia: /Darkness. The creeping dusk, the shadows of the woods, and the not-wholly-pleasant dim of unconsciousness. Rushing, rushing, in rhythm with the galloping Centaur that bore him in his arms, escaping from /her/, rushing, rushing eastward toward the unknown./
Everything about the journey was different from the one Edmund made five years before. His destination was the same, but today, he approached it from the east, in the mid-morning light, and of his own accord. He pulled short his horse just before they left the shade of the trees. A lightly rolling plain lay before him, interrupted a distance away by a sudden bump in the landscape. He clicked his tongue to urge the horse into a gallop, allowing both of them to enjoy the openness of the plain and the freedom it afforded. Even though he knew that he would be easier to spot on the plain than on a wooded route, he could truly be alone with his thoughts and with the dumb horse that could tell no one of the outing. Not that it really mattered, Edmund supposed, but he did prefer a lack of company on this occasion.
The grassy bump grew larger and larger till it loomed high above him. Edmund slowed the horse as he skirted around the hill to the other side, for it was important to climb the west face of the hill. Once there, Edmund dismounted and simply stood still for a moment: the sun was still low enough to appear to have crested the hill rather than to shine directly down from its zenith.

/It was not the sun that stood there. Nor was it the moon. No, it was a Lion, unmistakably glorious, greater than sun or moon, a majestic silhouette at the top of the hill. That much Edmund could tell even though he was still some distance away. The Centaur who carried him let him down, but Edmund was already trembling. He kept his eyes on the Lion and tried to take a few steps forward, but any trace of courage left him when the magnificent Creature came bounding, rushing, racing down the hill toward him. Fear seized Edmund: fear of the Lion, of what He might do. The Lion came to a graceful halt, such as no animal sprinting at that pace should be able to accomplish. Edmund’s heart pounded and he could not bring himself to look at anything but the Lion’s paws. And then… the Lion kissed him on his forehead and welcomed him. /

Edmund adjusted the strap of his satchel and proceeded to ascend the hill. The turf was soft and springy, just as it had been then. It was quiet here, too, just the breeze and the faintest sound of the ocean and the occasional bit of birdsong.

/Edmund did not really want to climb that hill, not after all the walking he’d done that day, but the Lion had said to walk beside him, so Edmund did. His rescuers followed at a discreet distance, leaving Edmund feeling very much alone with the Lion, Who didn’t say much, but the silence was more companionable than it was condemning./

The breeze was stronger on top of the hill, but it was warmer than Edmund had reckoned it would be. Even if it was biting cold, it would not have made a difference to him, for there, in the very center of the hill, was the reason he came back every year: the Stone Table, cracked down the middle, a symbol of what was, a monument to what came after. He knelt on one knee and remembered.

/The Stone Table hadn’t mattered much to him when he saw it the first time; it was shrouded in the semi-dark, a vague shape in the moonlight. In any case, Edmund had been more interested in the Lion, Who seemed to softly glow with a light of His own as He led Edmund to a tent and bade him enter and nourish himself. Edmund obeyed and found himself in a candlelit space, unfurnished but for a low table and a wide cushion. He settled himself on the cushion and simply stared at his reflection in the silver pitcher before him. He was especially thirsty and hungry too, but he would not touch what was given, for he was not worthy of the Lion’s compassion or His provision. But the Lion seemed unfazed by the situation, merely sitting back on His haunches and speaking to Edmund. So Edmund listened and ate./

Edmund sat down and reached into his satchel. It wasn’t exactly like the fare he’d had then, but the memory was enough and he was here to remember. He broke the loaf and directed his gaze again at the Stone Table.

/Beneath its golden crust, the bread was the whitest Edmund had ever seen. It was so light, it nearly melted in his mouth; and it had a hint of sweetness. The wine he poured from the pitcher into the goblet was like a liquefied blood-red ruby, sweet and satisfying. But neither the bread nor the wine were as satisfying as the Lion’s words. Such beautiful, powerful words. Words of correction, of instruction, of forgiveness, of vindication. Though he could not pinpoint when it happened, Edmund forgot about the bread and wine, feeding instead on the Lion’s words.
He hadn’t realized how long he had talked with the Lion till the Lion led him outside again into a fresh world of dew and dawn; and there they talked a good deal more. Edmund would never forget it. He never wanted to forget, and anyway, the Lion – Aslan – had said to always remember./

Standing up, Edmund drained his flask and laid his hand on the broken Stone Table. He hadn’t understood everything Aslan had said then – things about redemption, justification, sanctification –, he certainly did now. So remember he would, and especially on this day of every year for the rest of his life.


Ariel.of.Narnia: El fin.
Tenethia Brandybuck: Awwwwwwwwwwww <3
Ariel.of.Narnia: smiley
Kristi: Wow
Kristi: Nicely done.
Ariel.of.Narnia: Really?
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): When I figured out the italics it all started making sense
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Kristi: what leads you to that conclusion? (*is curious*)
Kristi: Yeah, good to know Ed can tell the difference between a Centaur and a horse.
Kristi: The conclusion that it's nicely done?
Albero1: Lots of feels. Very feelings-y...which is a stamp of approval from a teenage girl. Lol but I loved it and echo Teeny's sentiment
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Tenny: it's easier to grasp with actual italics, so I understand the confusion@Kristi: yeah
Ariel.of.Narnia: @Berry (I'm assuming?): what feels, can you pinpoint what and/or where?
Kristi: Well, nothing jumped out as not working, once we figured out the italics
Kristi: and I knew why he was there, but I didn't see the connection to communion coming
Ariel.of.Narnia: Hurrah!
Kristi: And I don't think it was too heavy handed
Kristi: Which was a risk
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *nodnodnods*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *whew* I was worried that might be the case, especially with "redemption, justification, sanctification"...
Albero1: The whole thing just really hit home for me considering some stuff that's been happening with me recently
Albero1: And it was just very sweet and… IDK I just really loved it
Albero1: Sorry :$
Ariel.of.Narnia: Aww *hugs*
Albero1: Thanks : )
Ariel.of.Narnia: smiley
Ariel.of.Narnia: Anything that should be improved on?
Albero1: Not that I can think of smiley
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): Probably. Do I know what it is? No.
Ariel.of.Narnia: lol
Albero1: Lol
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *shares ice cream with everyone*
Ariel.of.Narnia: Ooh, thanks!
Kristi: Yum!
Albero1: *is allergic to milk*
Ariel.of.Narnia: *goes to edit some of the mistakes she noticed*
Kristi: Unicorn milk?
Albero1: I'll just...eat some popsicles over here
Albero1: *cries onto the popsicles*
Albero1: Yeah unicorn milk should be fine
Kristi: Oh it was YOU who invited me the last time
Kristi: Berry, you've turned off cabin invitations :{
Albero1: Oh I have?
Kristi: You have
Albero1: I will fix it lol
Albero1: IDK how to turn them back on...
Tenethia Brandybuck: Under cabin settings
Albero1: Okay I turned them on
Albero1: Yay me
Albero1: I haz talent
Albero1: Very talent. Much good.
Kristi: Maybe, but the web site says they're still blocked
Albero1: Weird
Albero1: Let me try again...
Albero1: Okay, see if this works...
Kristi: There
Kristi: *waits for Tenny*
Tenethia Brandybuck: *Shakes self*
Tenethia Brandybuck (Mod): *makes a vague excuse about being in the sun for twelve long hours and being tired*
[insert ending conversation]

Writer’s Group dismissed ~
Image
Thank you, Hobbit!
Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Official Logs”