Monthly Archives: July 2006

A Character’s Letter to Lewis – Writing Contest #20

What if a Narnian character could write a letter to their creator? What praise, comments, or complaints might they have?

Example: Dear Mr. Lewis,

I must take extreme offense at the way you have portrayed me in your novel The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe . First, you cut my initial action sequence, when I arrest the traitor Tumnus. Then you give me scarcely more than one line of dialogue in my exchange with the younger Son of Adam. Next thing I know, I am facing off with the older Son of Adam, all while surrounded by Narnian who will probably not look on me very kindly if I should kill him. Finally, you have me, a valiant warrior with many years of experience, killed off by a mere cub of a boy who has apparently never used a sword before (Yes, I suppose it could have been worse. The new movie shows me jumping straight onto his sword.). Not to mention the way that you portray wolves in a negative light throughout the entirety of the novel. Never mind that we are the loyalists supporting the established government. I find myself deeply offended sir.

Sincerely,

Er….

P.S. How am I supposed to sign this, as you gave me two different names depending on whether I was being depicted in the British or American version of your story? What’s with that?

Honorable Mentions

from Aslan to his child by Beth D.
My dear child, you have done well. You have made my name known to your world and for that my thanks id great. You have truthfuly told the tale of Narnia. The bigginging chapter of the greatest story of them all. Be joyful my son and look always ahead to the day when you will be with me past the shadowlands in The really Narnia in my land. Then shall the term be over and the holidays will come. The dream will end and it will be the morning, the morning which lasts for all times.Untill them my child I will always be with you.
With the geatest love, MYSELF

Lasaraleen’s Letter by Aranel
Mr. Lewis, darling! About the way you portrayed me in your book, the Horse and His Boy  You made me far too vain! True, I do tend to go on about fashion sometimes, and dresses  speaking of which I just bought the loveliest dress yesterday at the afternoon market. Its a gorgeous beige with green trim and ruffles. It comes with the loveliest headpiece as well: pure green gossamer! And the matching shoes  absolutely stunning! Anyway, Im planning to wear it to the river party Saturday; I want to make a good impression with the other nobles. I hope I dont get it dirty; that would be simply dreadful! Just the other day, one of the slaves stepped on a draping piece of one of my party dresses. It wasnt torn, but there was a spot of mud. I began to cry, and saw that the slave was punished for his insolence. And then, I went home. Oh, that reminds me  my husbands away again. Fancy, he is such a darling man, and rich. I could just die. They say he is climbing the social ladder here in Tashbaan.
What was I talking about? Oh, yes, how you portrayed me in your book. All I did was talk about parties and dresses and the latest gossip! The nerve! I hardly ever talk about such! I admit I do like dresses, though. About my new dress, there is also a matching beige and green parasol&.

My portrayal is most Disturbing… by C.S. Lois
Oh my Creator, and oh the delight of my eyes-

May you live for ever, but I must say that your most venerable self’s life is in danger at the hand of my most lovely and handsome self, unless thy hand moveth speedily upon the paper with a quill in answer to my letter of protest and agressive negotiation. (as the poets have said “As a lower memeber of society bows and respectively answers his authoritative member, so will he be honored and rewarded, but them who does not faces the inescapable problem of punishemnt” Not that I find the poets to my liking, indeed I’ve had verses and maxims thrown at me all day, but I had to illustrate my point!) My single, simplest complaint is that you had my beautiful person inflicted with the horror of becoming a DONKEY!! Why could you simply have had my sent back as something much more decorative or grandiose? That is my one and only point, put simply and most understandibly. My thanks are greatly put forth!

Signed, Rabadash the Peacemaker, son of the Tisroc (may he live forever) and brother of 19 other sons that could have taken my place had I failed my quest. (Which I did but I’m so inexorably proud that I won’t admit it.)

and the winner

Slightest Inkling by cherokee43v6
My Dear Colleague,

Or rather, should I say, Jack.
I must say that your most recent series of stories has been quite entertaining. You have captured the children’s personalities delightfully, (Polly agrees and sends her affection) but I must insist that you get out of that sterile environment you call an office once in a while. I am not nearly so stodgy as the impression you leave.
Of course some of our after-workshop exploits are probably better left unwritten. Like the time the two of us convinced that waitress that J.R.R… (And after I said such things should be best left unwritten!) While I am on the subject, do tell that linguist it is time to move past his issues with the mixing of mythologies. I find it to be quite acceptable and even natural for Narnia. I’d do so myself, but I fear that his health has become a bit too fragile to tolerate such a contact.
I’ve had a long chat with Peter about the Medieval Literatures class he took under you, and I am impressed with his breadth and depth of knowledge on the subject. Of course he does tend to show a preference for the sword and chivalry aspects, but knowing his background, why shouldn’t he?
On the other hand, his opinions! What are you teaching these kids nowadays?
He shared his journal with me the other day. Dreadful, simply dreadful. What ever became of penmanship? When we were students back at that wretched school in Ireland, (Eustace & Jill’s Experiment House can not begin to compare with that horrible place.) at the very least, they made sure we could write legibly.
Now, on to important matters. We all understand that Susan will be most distressed by recent occurrences. Eventually, she is going to turn to you for some measure of understanding. Do take pains to be less gruff than usual, for she will need your support and guidance. To that end, I am enclosing my account of events from the twentieth of last month onward.
Lucy and the Faun have invited us over for tea. I hate to rush the ending of this, but I must post it on the way over. Aslan assures me you will receive it at the proper time.

Sincerely,

Prof. D. Kirke (Ret.)

encl: 1

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .

Urgent! It is a Hoax! (highking@cairparavel.gov)

| |  Inbox


FROM: King Peter
TO: Queen Susan , Queen Lucy , Lilygloves , Tumnus , Mr. Beaver , Mrs. Beaver
DATE: Jul 31, 2006
SUBJECT: Urgent! It is a Hoax!

My Sisters and Friends,

I am writing to urge you to please ignore that message from the one who calls himself Unknown. Upon further review, my royal brother and I have discovered that the plea is fake. There is no such thing as a kit that will protect a person from the Witch’s minions. It is important that you immediately take action to delete the message from your computers. We fear it may be dangerous. Please do this ASAP.

Thank you,
King Peter

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~ The Magnificent ~

Re: Fwd. Please Help! (eddie@cairparavel.gov)

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FROM: King Edmund
TO: Queen Lucy , King Peter
DATE: Jul 26, 2006
SUBJECT: Re. Fwd. Please Help!Lucy,

I have been reading through the plea that this anonymous Narnian has sent out to all of us. I know you feel compassionate towards them, but I don’t think it is such a good idea to continue to forward it on to people. Something about it just doesn’t seem right. Why would they not give us their name? And those “Friends to the South” sound like Calormenes, and you know how they’ll do anything to take over our small country. Could you please trust my judgement here, and be careful? Thanks.

Edmund

P.S. Peter, I sent this message to you as well to let you know what was up. Perhaps you can think of something to say to the public about this issue.

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~ The Just ~

Fwd. Please Help! (valiant@cairparavel.gov)

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FROM: Queen Lucy
TO: King Peter , Queen Susan , King Edmund , Lilygloves , Tumnus , Mr. Beaver , Mrs. Beaver
DATE: Jul 26, 2006
SUBJECT: Fwd. Please Help!

Dear Friends,

Oh, I must say, I really do feel bad for this poor Narnian, whoever they are. Would everyone please help me in sending this message on so that our friend can have the protection she needs?

Thanks,
Queen Lucy.

—-Original Message—-
From: Unknown
To: King Peter, Queen Susan, King Edmund, Queen Lucy, Lilygloves, Tumnus, Mr. Beaver, Mrs. Beaver
Subject: Please Help!

Dear Friend,

In the name of Aslan, I thank you for reading this today. I am a poor Narnian living in Lantern Waste who, even three years after the Witch’s death, is still being terrorized by her minions, and I have been living in hiding for a very long time. However, just a few days ago, I was searching the Internet, and I came across this advertisement for a kit that is guaranteed to protect me from these neevils. But it is very expensive, and I simply do not have the money. I struck a deal with some friends to the South (I’m sorry, but they told me that they wished to remain anonymous and that I wasn’t to reveal their identities) in which everytime this e-mail was read and forwarded to someone else, I would receive a payment of 1 crescent from them that would go towards me obtaining this protection kit. And so, I am asking you now to please forward this message to everyone you know so that I can finally sleep at night. You would be helping me more than you could ever know. Thank you in advance, and may Aslan bless you in everything you do.

Your Friend in Need

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~ Youngest Royal ~