The first line for this popped randomly into my head yesterday and I wrote the rest of it this morning. Don't get me wrong; some dwarves are great. This poem is mostly in jest. Mostly...

Sing ho! for the dwarves who don’t do any work!
Their warriors are sullen, their king is a jerk.
They build them a kingdom just to have it get stoled
By a dragon who slumbers and snores on their gold.

They hire a hobbit to do all their stealing,
Their plans are all based off of how Thorin’s feeling,
They’re captured by spiders and cannot get out,
They fight with the elves and then run off and pout.

They think they can kill Smaug the Mighty alone,
Though all Thorin wants is that old Arkenstone.
Each battle they fight, in the end, goes berserk.
Sing ho! for the dwarves who don’t do any work!

I also rewrote the lyrics for "Into the West" so that it would fit earlier in the story when Frodo and Sam are going to Mordor; Sam would be the one singing it. It's supposed to be half funny, half sad. My wonderful brother Alexandanor gets the credit for putting the idea in my head. 🙄

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
Have we come to journey’s end?
Sleep now; don’t dream
Of the ones who’ve gone before.
Though they’re calling
From the mountains of Mordor.
That which you keep
Causes these tears upon your face.
Soon it will be
Even more heavy than today.
Leading us on,
Gollum is creeping.
What can you see on the horizon?
Why do the Nazgul call?
Across the plain the darkness rises:
The Ringwraiths come to carry you home.
And all will fade to darkest black;
The sun never rises—
No way back.
Hope fades
Into the world of night,
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time.
Today
We have come unto the end.
Please hear me calling;
Will you never speak again?
I hold you here in my arms,
Yet I am weeping.
What can you see on the horizon?
Why do the Nazgul call?
Across the plain the darkness rises:
The Ringwraiths come to carry you home.
And all will fade to darkest black;
The sun never rises—
No way back into the west.