We Still Have Music (haiku)
4/04/2023

Wind-chime memories
Call you on the cloudy days.
I will sing their tune.

---

The Brink
4/05/2023

I can feel the thunder in my chest tonight,
And I hope the sky won't break.
Oh I hope the sky won't break.
I used to dream that someday I'd take flight
But I'm not ready for the heartache,
And I know it would be heartache.
I'm finally falling in love with your creation.
I've found my own roots are a blessed invocation.
Why would you take all of this wonder away?
Must you destroy it to bring a new day?

Ultimatum (villanelle)
4/06/23

You said that there was nothing left to save;
No hope to find in fantasy, joy in art.
What was the point in staying, being brave?

You closed the fairy door that wonder gave.
The girl you used to be, she held my heart.
And you said there was nothing left to save.

I lost your confidence in some dark cave.
You could not see my whole through hated part.
What was the point in staying, being brave?

I could not hold you fast, though I so crave
Returning to our bright and hopeful start.
You said that there was nothing left to save.

I would not survive as cringing slave
To haughty discourse throwing fiery dart.
What was the point in staying, being brave?

Because I would not fear you and behave,
I spread my wings once more, my course to chart.
Farewell, if there is nothing left to save.
I cannot heed you if I would be brave.

--
[Needs title]
[4/06/23]

"Rain, rain, go away"
Children chant outside;
They wish the storm would let them play,
Clouds would scud and hide.
Water turns the mud to pie,
Serves the flowers wine;
Grows the wheatgrass green and high,
Fattens berries on the vine.

I... feel super vulnerable about this one actually.
---
"Beloved Hunter"
4/07/23

I find my dreaming roots in you,
They branch out from our name.
We both are hunting, seeking folk
Though we don't always hunt the same.
You would hunt in forests,
Fir and cedar, dappled light,
Or deserts where the rocks cry chorus,
While I wander inner paths at night.

You showed me the wonder in a stone–
Silver spider-veins, fire-forged black glass–
Shells and teeth where aged creation's known,
And crystals where the rainbows pass.

You were kind and generous,
In contrast to my caution and fear.
Always ready to believe the best,
And knowing your God could work in you here.

I would fly far to escape to you,
To hear the ocean breathe with your joy.
Maybe someday when the world is new
We'll play with nature's wildest toys,
Then find peace in mountain lakes again.
I hope you will love me as I am,
For all I am changing from what you knew.
My quarry found, white stag or lamb,
Will show my spectrum of colors true.

A Harrowing Hymn
[4/08/23]

"You are there," they said as horror,
That there is no escaping wrath.
"You are there" they said, a fetter
Shackling young feet to the path.
They promised there is always fear;
In the fire, my judge is near.

What if it was not threat, but promise?
Into the deepest dark came light.
In the day of silence, redress
For the lost and captive plight.
You tore and twisted the last black gate:
You triumphed and called love from hate.

[Needs title]
[4/09/23]

Can you have "holy envy" for what you've lost?
Even under shadows, the sun still sang.
There was a thrill when we knew the notes the church bells rang.
If you have found your safety, at what cost?

I know
There will still be living flowers,
Wherever I go.
Lush gardens between the walls of towers
Are not the only thing worth living for.
Beyond pink petals stands an open door,
And I can hear the minstrels' flutes.
I have potential, and can move my roots.

But what if there was more?
No lies from controlling brutes,
A fortress where no prison cowers.
I would beg your steps to slow -

Listen.
An old tale once twisted is unspun,
And woven again to an epic indeed.
No tyrant rides, but a prince at need
To live in disguise,
Teach you to be wise,
And turn the clock back on every rotting wish;
Break curses with bread and wine and fish.
There are so many echoes in your soul
Of a hope you couldn't prove, but have still spoken.
What would you risk for a world unbroken?

"Particular Theodicy"
[4/10/23]

Any conscience I have
Is none of the making
Of some vindictive monster,
Brooding on forever's edge.
You are not the child in Omelas,
And if you were
The vessel of wrath to obtain some greater good,
I would not walk away,
But seek such a lance
As could unhorse the tyrant
Who put you there.

"Small Lights Still Shine Brightly"
[4/11/23]

Sometimes I am so small,
And the dark around so deep.
I hear nothing when I call,
It feels as if God is asleep.
But still I hold a candle,
And can touch a friend or two,
And if the next step's what I can handle
I can step closer to you.
When I see the light held in your hand
Dance on the lonely path,
I'll see how tall that I can stand,
And bare my fangs and laugh.
We're only two good monsters
In the shadow of the Wood,
But we'll make our way til we find the stars.
With you, I know I could.

Son of Gondor
[4/13/23

A strong man, a fierce man, a man brave and true
Came riding to the council at the last homely house.
Light of his father's eyes, trusted by brother too,
On the wings of a dream with a horn to rouse
A waiting army.
Still, fear for homeland nibbled him like a mouse,
And he came not knowing what he could do.

He had lived by the shadow, often fought it to its face,
From his tower of history and wonder.
He could not forsee his own fall from grace;
Last stand against shame would split his horn asunder,
After treachery alarming.
Steadfast companions gave him to Rauros' thunder,
Never more to proudly ride to his place.

Blessings for Armor
4/14/23

I would cast you a blessing, young knight,
But I do not know what shape it should wear.
Where do you find your truest light?
When will truth and hope draw near?
You once procured an anchor to hold me fast in stormy seas.
May your own craft never founder, as you're sailing home to me.
May you always have the wisdom to divide the truth from lies,
And strike the sparks of little joys to brighten up your eyes.
Dear as brother, may you learn to fight
With love as your sword, strong, keen, and bright.

A Rabbit Quest (haiku)
4/14/23

Catastrophe's rise
Pushes brave seekers forth
To a green new home.

Kindred Spirits
4/15/23

We were just children,
Sunburn on our shoulders,
Seeking connection
With someone our age.
Two hearts on fire
In a hotbed of zealots,
Debating books and music
After a sudden embrace.
Oh, we were children,
Thought we were so grown-up;
Heads frothing with thinking
Denied and dismissed.
Sand-castle dreams,
Hoped or feared predestination;
Eager to be authors,
Brief island of bliss.
We both wore such shadows
Over those shoulders,
One-pieces, camp tee shirts,
And struggles at home.
Our sisters conspired
And inspired a chance meeting,
The spark struck at greeting
Came aflame as we roamed.

---

The One Good Thing
4/15/23

You were my luckiest accident.
What would I do without you?
Almost a chance encounter,
Far from home, stars were right.
I was clueless, no intent
To stumble on a bond so true,
Deeper hopes rose up in chatter,
Lonely souls who longed for light.
If those years beneath blue stained glass
And red brick gave me nothing
But your summer-bright smile
And a ticket to your door,
In the melancholy as I pass
The bulk of memory looming,
I could sing all the while
Because I had your love in store.

Youth Pastors
4/16/23

I cared for you, perhaps parasocially;
Saw you as doors to reach a holier place.
I longed for your approval as I sought God's love and grace,
Danced to the tunes you played on our puppet strings,
All flash, charisma and lights, and the drum in my heartbeat.
Who anointed your authority?
You had crowd appeal, a little Bible school,
And more time in the school of hard knocks.
The blunt-spoken country boy
Ex-bullrider and his cheerleader beloved
Moved among impassioned teens
With the glow of celebrity.
You egged us on to competition and to God, I think, near equally.
I got high on it. And every Thursday morning came the crash,
The rollercoaster of the band and daydreamed visions fading out,
And a cooler head left to fight to understand
How to find a practical path for living.
Did I want a vocation,
Or friends and hope and adulation?
What was prophecy, what was fantasy,
And what was me channeling my broken head?
I wanted a savior, and you gave me church instead.

When Bookshelves Look Like Hope
[4/17/23]

Someday we'll have a library -
Y'all and me, and maybe her.
We'll blend up our tastes and wonder,
And spread them over shelves together;
Browse each other's treasured things,
But only with permission.
We'll need room to store
The loads of books we love.
They'll be heavy in the boxes
Coming in to our house,
But the weight will be so worth it.
We might prune our stacks a little,
To lighten the load,
But we'll keep the ones shelved deepest
In our hearts and memories.
All my poetry is staying.
So is the brave young child
Facing fearful fay and secret doors;
I read her on the way to my Grandpa's funeral
And she was signed by my ex's alter.
The most beautiful illustrations
Must stay too, for the awe
And curiosity they raise
In my innermost artist.
Little sis will surely bring
The unexpected enchantress
And misunderstood evil wood,
She has read at least six times
Since it came in on her birthday.
And she still protects the battered
Memory, equestrian adventure
And desert quest
From a long-gone childhood haven.
Our eldest has theology in spades,
School linguistics she could never quite let go,
And a spread of children's classics
She saves up for her new family,
In case she ever finds it.
What might our friend bring in?
She loves books, but doesn't keep as many -
Which does she love most deeply?
I want to see them all,
Standing proudly in a safe place;
When all the books in sight are ours,
I'll know I've found a home.

There was a short story I read once, and haven't been able to find again since. It was about a mostly-human monster girl who was trying to pass in the human world, until she accidentally broke the masquerade for a human doctor boyfriend who decided all monsters were things to be "cured" until they could fit in with humans, and who learned to embrace her uniqueness as she went to save her more obviously-monstrous little sister from his clutches. This poem is for that lost short story, and for all of us who sometimes feel too strange to belong...
---
Breaking My Masquerade
4/20/23

I will be weird and wild,
With or without permission.
You cannot amputate
My idiosyncrasies.
For myself, I may file down my horns
To mask my shadow for your world,
But if you come for my sisters
I will rise with tooth and claw.
My love will set my heart on fire
Until I cannot play your games.
I am a child of wonder,
At home in deep dark caves.
I'm willing that we coexist,
But I won't pretend to be the same.