Personal Ads – Writing Contest #26

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and some of our Narnians are feeling lonely. Write a personal ad for a character from the Chronicles of Narnia as it might appear in a Narnian newspaper.

Example:
Eligible single faun seeks nymph for friendship and perhaps something more. Interests include music, literature, and strolling in the snow. Dryads preferred. Note: I am allergic to hazelnut, sorry ladies. For more information, contact Faun Tumnus, the House Behind the Rock, ten minutes north of the Lamp Post, Lantern Waste.

Judge’s Note: I don’t usually subscribe the notion that female Narnian dwarfs are bearded, but this month’s winner was too funny to pass up.

Honorable Mentions

Susan’s longing and Peter’s anger by Alambil
Wanted: Someone (preferrably without hoofs, antlers, tails, claws, wings, or scales) who is of royal rank (i.e. lord, prince, knight, even a commander in the army would do) who is single and interested in courting. Please no one from Calormen or other far away countries, and no one with the name of Rabadash. Please don’t lie and deceive me, I’ve already been through that enough and it led to a war last time.

For more information, come to Cair Paravel castle and ask for the Gentle Queen.

WARNING: It is hereby decreed that anyone who in any way hurts, offends, or lies to Queen Susan will have to answer to the wrath and punishment of the High King and the judgement of his royal brother King Edmund.
-High King Peter

Tall, Dark, and slithering by ScholarHobbit
Wanted: One Son of Adam, between the ages 18 and 25 for a parasitic–I mean, permanent relationship. Prefers crowned princes. Must look good in dark colors. Must like the color green and spelunking. Interests include singing, playing stringed instruments, debates, and world domination.

Those interested may contact Lady of the Green Kirtle, Underground Kingdom located under the Moors. Write soon!

Not too late for Love by Lady Blanche
Lonely old Hag, looking for Prince Charming. Young at heart, enjoys brewing up yummy toads. Seeking fun-loving gentlemen to cast spells with. Ages 60-200 prefurred. Near-sightedness is no problem, in fact, it would be great!

and the winner

It’s the Beards by aranel1
Single handsome dwarf seeks pretty lady dwarf for friendship and possible LTR. Interests include smoking, drinking, sleeping, and archery. Food likes include almost anything, but absolutely NO apples! Respondents should also provide proof of gender, i.e. a birth certificate (it’s hard to tell with the beards).

For more information, contact Trumpkin the Dwarf at Aslan’s How. A bit holed up at the moment, but just ignore the surrounding army.

 

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .