Cover Letters – Writing Contest #55

Suppose a character from The Chronicles of Narnia took a bold step and wrote a book which they sent in for publication. Write the cover letter that this character might enclose with his manuscript. Humor is a plus, but not required.

Example:
Dear Mr. Publisher, I am submitting the enclosed manuscript, “Evolution of Eel Stew and Wigwams” in the hopes (quite faint, I’m afraid) that you will consider publishing it. I won’t be offended if you don’t. I daresay it’s not very good. The book is meant to be a comprehensive history of two important aspects of a Marshwiggle’s culture, such as it is. I say “important” because we would all have perished hundreds of years ago without them, and I expect every morning to wake up and find them missing. This is why I should like to have their record preserved for posterity. Not that posterity will appreciate it. There won’t be many Wiggles left to read it in a year, I shouldn’t wonder — what with dragons and giants and Natural Disasters. Much obliged for your time, though I doubt you’ve spent it wisely. Yours in muddiness, Puddleglum

Honorable Mentions

Eustace’s Cover Letter by Laura E. A.
Mr. Publisher,
Hello, My name is Eustace Scrubb, and I have written a book which I’m sure you will enjoy. Having read past books published by Dullman Inc., and enjoyed them (especially the one entitled We Will Excercise! A Documentary of Obese Asians Students), I wish now to submit my book for your review. It is entitled No More Narnia! Why Fairy Tales Should Never Be Published, Printed, or Read. It is based on my own personal examination of several people very close to me. Therefore, the names have been changed. Thank you.
Sincerely,
E. C. Scrubb

Chronicles of a Species Mostly Unnoticed by Eavis
Dear Mr. Publisher,
I am submitting the enclosed manuscript, “Chronicles of a Mostly Unnoticed Character”, in the hopes of getting to be more noticed. I object very strongly that Badgers and Beavers should get so much about them and /we/ hardly get a paragraph. Us Warthogs are very important, and I think it’s time some attention was paid to us (after all, we do have the best noses around), so I wrote this book.

I can smell right now that it probably won’t be published, but I’m going to look on the bright side, even if there isn’t one, and not be a Marshwiggle.

Yours,
Tracker Warthog

A Bright Idea by Tarwe, the Narnian Elf
Dear Sky High Books,

I am submitting my biographical novel, which I have entitled ‘Stars I Have Known’. In it, I recount many true stories of stars, both old and those who are growing younger, with whom I have spent many dazzling evenings. I believe that these stories should be put into print so that they are not lost in some black hole of the forgotten past.
I also have another completed manuscript that I would like to send you. I have named it Attractive Dinner Ideas for the Hungry Crowd. This book would be very informative for frazzled banquet hostesses. I have had much experience in this field on my fathers island, where we own a resort and spa for weary travelers.
In either case, I would like to remain incognito. Therefore, perhaps a pen name would be in order. Maybe something like Lilliandil would be fitting. I would appreciate your opinion on this matter.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration. May the stars shine down upon you!

Sincerely, cordially, and most respectfully,
Ramandus daughter

and the winner

Life by Lasaraleen by Trixie Belden
My dear, darling publisher,

Well, darling, I wrote this fabulous book (I’m sure you’ll agree with me), all about my summer. I’ve entitled it “Life By Lasaraleen”, since that’s what it is! Many people say that I have wonderful opinions. Why, just yesterday, I asked my maid if I had nice fashion taste, and she said, “Yes, Miss Lasaraleen” just like that. After all, if you can’t trust a maid, who can you trust? I’ve heard from one of my friends who is one of the Tisrocs’s (may-he-live-forever) cousin’s niece twice removed, that stories about everyday life are quite popular now. So of course, she’s an expert on such things. So anyway, I’d simply love for you to read it and tell me what you think. I’ve got a chapter on my dresses, and one on the party that I went to last year at the palace of the Tisroc (may he live forever) himself! Some of it I dare say turned out worse than others, like that horror story I wrote about that dreadful girl, Aravis, and her little friend Shasta, but I think you’ll like it quite well anyways.

So thank you for reading it! I spent SUCH a long time on this book–almost 3 hours, and I do hope that someone enjoys it!

Ta-ta,
Lasaraleen

 

Don’t forget to check out the winners of the last .